| GENERAL | ENTERTAINMENT | TOPICAL | PEOPLES NAMES | OTHER NAMES |
| MEDIUM LENGTH | LONG | SPECIAL | RUDE |
1 | Tony Crafter | 31 | The magician = Am I cheating? |
2 | Mike Mesterton-Gibbons | 27 | Significant other ~ is nice for at night. |
2 | Mey Kraus | 27 | A game of Russian Roulette = A failure's sent to a morgue. |
4 | Equinox | 23 | The traditional Mexican cuisine = I mix in rotten chili sauce and eat! |
5 | View | 18 | A person morbidly concerned with his health = Er...man bothered with illness? Hypochondriac! |
6 | Andrew | 17 | Africa's Animal Tours ~ claims to run a safari. |
7 | Rosie Perera | 16 | A cordless telephone ~ does pee-throne calls. |
8 | Rick | 14 | Roadside bombing = Boom! (Baddies grin). |
9 | David Bourke | 13 | The animal psychologist = Helps a mighty cat: "So, lion...?" |
10 | Horrid Stretchy Pus | 12 | the email distribution list = I limit this idle banter to us. |
11 | aussie battler | 11 | Small potatoes ~ spells a tomato. |
12 | Paul Pan | 7 | Alzheimer's disease = I slid; haze erases me... |
13 | Larry Brash | 5 | Non-Insulin Dependent Diabetes Mellitus = An unintended illness, but... one simple diet. |
14 | nature girl | 0 | Sonogram of abdomen = Mob of organs moaned. |
Total points: | 221 | from 38 votes (DFE factor: 0.368) |
1 | Mey Kraus | 54 | Martin Luther King's famous "I Have A Dream" = A valued human-rights manifesto, I remark! |
2 | Richard G | 31 | Enid Blyton's "Famous Five" = Offensive, but I sold many. |
3 | Tony Crafter | 30 | Kylie Minogue's set to continue her 'Showgirl' tour = "I'm OK!" Stoic, gutsy heroine is well enough to return! |
4 | Rosie Perera | 26 | Always look on the bright side of life = A dying thief (or a fool bloke) whistles. |
5 | Andrew | 23 | "I'll make you an offer you can't refuse" = Clue: Mafia's keynote of your funeral. |
6 | Horrid Stretchy Pus | 18 | Rolling Stones - Forty Licks = Rockers still flog it, sonny! |
7 | View | 14 | Stanley Laurel and Oliver Hardy = 'Heavy and Lean' is ultra - drollery ! |
8 | Mike Mesterton-Gibbons | 11 | Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby = This flabby old racing bloke had gay battle. |
9 | Larry Brash | 9 | The Wisden Illustrated History of Cricket = It richly detailed the sort of wickets & runs. |
10 | David Bourke | 2 | The singer Tom Chaplin ~ penetrating Chisholm? |
Total points: | 218 | from 37 votes (DFE factor: 0.270) |
1 | Mey Kraus | 62 | War in South Lebanon = A whole nation burns. |
2 | View | 36 | Mideast = Mad site. (Awardsmaster's Choice Award) |
3 | Rosie Perera | 24 | Cuban exiles = Inexcusable! |
4 | Rick | 18 | The airport's new security precaution = Carry-on? It's true, we search it... Open it up! |
5 | Mike Mesterton-Gibbons | 17 | Tracking the killer of JonBenet Ramsey = Best of intelligence yet: John Mark Karr. |
5 | Tony Crafter | 17 | Does Tony Blair really have any political future? = I fancy not! All pray the evil-eyed Labour liar's out! |
7 | Andrew | 16 | Rationale for those leaps in oil prices again = Holes in gas pipe? Israel at action? Role of Iran? |
8 | Adrian Hickford | 9 | UK airports on highest alert = Ha! Sink a huge terrorist plot. |
9 | Paul Pan | 7 | Gibson: "I am not an anti-Semite" = Eminem is not a Bi antagonist. |
10 | Horrid Stretchy Pus | 3 | The New Labour Leader, Tony Blair ‡ "Oh, Dubya. Relent intolerable war!" |
11 | David Bourke | 2 | More transatlantic flights are delayed = Flying re-started...death to all Americans! |
Total points: | 211 | from 37 votes (DFE factor: 0.297) |
1 | Mey Kraus | 42 | The actor Mel Gibson = Bottle in car? Gosh, me?! |
2 | Tony Crafter | 34 | The sculptor and painter Michelangelo = Eminent chapel-decorator's up all night! |
3 | Andrew | 32 | Don Vito Corleone = Donor to violence. |
4 | Don Rogers | 28 | President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad = Stop diehard Mujahideen madman! |
5 | Mike Mesterton-Gibbons | 20 | The monk Rasputin = Think upon me, tsar! |
6 | Larry Brash | 19 | The late movie star, Audrey Hepburn = To her vital and her supreme beauty! |
7 | Rick | 12 | William Holden = Am I wild? Hell no! |
8 | Rosie Perera | 11 | El Comandante Fidel Alejandro Castro Ruz = Anal old man created zero justice for land. |
9 | View | 8 | Issur Danielovitch Demsky = Hick is suddenly movie star. |
10 | Horrid Stretchy Pus | 7 | Tony "I Rule!" Blair ‡ You're brilliant! |
11 | David Bourke | 5 | Luba Shumeyko = Make you blush! |
Total points: | 218 | from 38 votes (DFE factor: 0.289) |
1 | Mey Kraus | 45 | 'Lord of the Rings' Fan Club = Boring chat full of nerds. |
2 | Rosie Perera | 37 | The Windows Operating System = Spyware gets in (its own method). |
3 | Mike Mesterton-Gibbons | 31 | Clandestine operation = Plan to aid one in secret. |
4 | Rick | 30 | Lots of hurricanes oft head to ~ the southern coast of Florida. |
5 | View | 21 | Carnegie Hall in New York City = I hear concert. Likely, yawning. |
6 | David Bourke | 18 | The Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews = We thrifty Scot nobs couldnae land near flag! |
7 | David A Green | 17 | The Taxidermy Association of Southern Africa = Their aim: they stuff a raccoon or an ox as it dies. |
8 | Tony Crafter | 12 | The Reader's Digest = Registered Deaths. |
9 | Andrew | 8 | Palestinian Liberation Organisation = Arabian pal's intention, "I go into Israel." |
Total points: | 219 | from 38 votes (DFE factor: 0.237) |
1 | Tony Crafter | 44 | The motion picture epic 'Ben Hur', starring Cha... = Noble, upright screen-hero triumphant in chari... |
2 | Mey Kraus | 34 | 'Five Steps To Spiritual Growth: A Journey', wri... = 1. Buy paper; 2. Fill with junk; 3. Sell raves ... |
3 | David Bourke | 32 | The American President, George Bush, and the Br... = Greedy, bible-thumping prominent Christians he... |
4 | Horrid Stretchy Pus | 26 | The Product recall of computers using Sony-made ... = Commotion to hit industry insurer because me De... |
5 | Rick | 25 | Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysi... = Globally... locally... wriggly, cringingly-lon... |
6 | Mike Mesterton-Gibbons | 14 | Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysi... = We'll front which polysyllabically wriggly lon... |
7 | Andrew | 13 | "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate hi... = Insensitive Hannibal recites his remarks to a ... |
8 | View | 8 | 'Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power cor... = Actually, G.W.B. and T.B. are two most reproba... |
9 | Rosie Perera | 2 | If you never climb Mount Fuji, you are a fool, ... = O, you uniform, conical volcano, stuff of beau... |
Total points: | 198 | from 34 votes (DFE factor: 0.265) |
1 | Tony Crafter | 57 | A man and his wife went to a hospital to have t... = An innocent young chap moved into his new apa... |
2 | Andrew | 39 | "Call me Ishmael. Some years ago--never mind ho... = Now honestly prized as a consummate piece of ... |
3 | Mey Kraus | 31 | GIBSON'S APOLOGY EMBRACED BY JEWISH GROUPS Me... = MEL GIBSON JUGGLES SEVERAL FILM PROJECTS Me... |
4 | Rosie Perera | 30 | "By passing comprehensive immigration reform, w... = What Bush means by this damning propaganda: "... |
5 | David Bourke | 14 | A woman went into the doctor's surgery in order... ~ "Thank you! How sweet!" declared Mrs Smith, ... |
6 | Horrid Stretchy Pus | 9 | Superman's traditional motto "truth, justice an... = "Man's alien friend came to Earth but didn't a... |
Total points: | 180 | from 31 votes (DFE factor: 0.194) |
1 | Tony Crafter | 56 | MANDALAY by Rudyard Kipling |
2 | David A Green | 34 | An anagrammed paraphrase of HP Lovecraft's first Fungus from Yuggoth sonnet. |
2 | Andrew | 34 | The Undisputed Top Eleven Reasons Not to Fire Donald Rumsfeld. |
4 | David Bourke | 31 | Barbara Ann - The Beach Boys |
Total points: | 155 | from 28 votes (DFE factor: 0.143) |
1 | Rick | 64 | Breast augmentation surgery ~ guarantees men grab your tits. |
2 | David Bourke | 29 | Pointless existences = Penis, testicles, no sex. |
3 | Mey Kraus | 20 | The cheap motel = Help me to cheat. |
4 | Tony Crafter | 18 | Kent sewage-processing and disposal plant ~ kept spewing crap-loads into England's seas. |
5 | Zoran Radisavlevic | 14 | The bondage websites = Newest hogtied babes! |
6 | Larry Brash | 11 | Still hiding in the closet = Declining to tell his shit. |
7 | Andrew | 10 | A woman's pussy = A possum's yawn? |
8 | View | 7 | The Impossible Dream = Blame the period, Miss! |
9 | Paul Pan | 4 | A gerbiler? = Gere? Blair? |
Total points: | 177 | from 30 votes (DFE factor: 0.300) |
Daniel F. Etter Memorial Award Points*
*Adjusted Points = Sum of (Points * 'DFE factor') |
High Standings
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