1st - Tony Crafter with:
Some of the many perils of approaching old age =
Peeing a lot; memory of a goldfish; on scrapheap.
2nd - John Murray with:
Racism in football =
Manic tribal fools.
3rd Adrian Hickford with:
As the educator ~
teach us to read.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The grammar police ~
repel a comma, right?
Adrian Hickford with:
As the educator ~
teach us to read.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
To err is human, to forgive divine =
If I'm near to God I revive no hurts
George Missailidis with:
The end is: Trump ~
in the dumpster!
Ellie Dent with:
Christmastime celebrations =
Bah! It's commercial interests.
View with:
A school dinner =
Noon; clear dish
Brian Taylor with:
Mortal suffering =
Result of farming.
Valery Silivanov with:
Oh yes, I'm singing. =
My ego is shining.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Middle-aged men in Lycra =
Clad grimly indeed, amen!
Ellie Dent with:
Hearth and home ~
had a Mother Hen.
Adie Pena with:
Are people overspending again this Christmas? ~
America's girls are spotted in shopping heaven!
Rosie Perera with:
Opioid use disorder =
Dire doper is odious.
Colleen Parkin with:
Mental health =
That mean hell.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Adult-onset allergies =
Tearless until old age.
John Murray with:
Racism in football =
Manic tribal fools.
Valery Silivanov with:
We are to die very soon, ~
I do swear to everyone.
Tom Myers with:
Questionable activity =
Quite inevitably a cost.
George Missailidis with:
Big franchise =
Cash briefing.
Valery Silivanov with:
I do swear to everyone ~
we are to die very soon.
Brian Taylor with:
USA soldiers =
serious lads.
George Missailidis with:
Military weapons ~
imply a war on site.
Ellie Dent with:
Love is the answer =
Never was hostile.
Tony Crafter with:
Some of the many perils of approaching old age =
Peeing a lot; memory of a goldfish; on scrapheap.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Cybersafety =
Yes, be crafty!
Meyran Kraus with:
Lady of a certain age =
Art, yoga, a lined face.
1st - David Bourke with:
The singer/actress Dame Olivia Newton-John AC DBE =
See combined dances with John Travolta in Grease.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'The Nativity' by the painter Piero della Francesca =
I venerate tiny child in that stable, pray for peace.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The Christmas carol "We Three Kings of Orient Are" =
Rich, wise foreigners seek a tot to charm, enthral.
David Bourke with:
...and Tom P does three:~
'Damn The Torpedoes'!
View with:
"The lion sleeps tonight" =
Help, I listen to the song!
Tony Crafter with:
'Sympathy For The Devil', a hit by The Rolling Stones =
The boys rapidly sing flat rhythms to the Evil One.
Adie Pena with:
The First Noel, the traditional English carol =
Listen to a song for a little child in her heart.
Rosie Perera with:
The Christmas carol "We Three Kings of Orient Are" =
Rich, wise foreigners seek a tot to charm, enthral.
Ellie Dent with:
An English Christmas carol =
Songs I hear can still charm.
Ellie Dent with:
The Dickens classic 'Christmas Carol' =
Chronicled cities' stark class chasm.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens =
Children's classic by a hack ... or master?
David Bourke with:
The hit single 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' =
Wishful little Mariah Carey song. NO!!! It's shit.
Ellie Dent with:
'The Nativity' by the painter Piero della Francesca =
I venerate tiny child in that stable, pray for peace.
Dharam Khalsa with:
1. The Lighthouse
2. Marriage Story
3. The Irishman
4. Transit
=
1. Nightmarish
2. Heart tearing
3. Oh, the trials!
4. Mysterious
Meyran Kraus with:
The actor Daniel Day-Lewis =
"I wanted the Oscar, ideally."
Meyran Kraus with:
Dr. Seuss's Mean Mister Grinch =
Ensures Christmas's grim end.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Earth's climate crisis =
It's critical mass here!
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Christmastime celebrations =
Bah! It's commercial interests.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Boris and the Tories win =
O, shit! Britain worsened.
Rosie Perera with:
The existential threat of the climate crisis =
I limit heat factors, else the Earth is extinct.
Ellie Dent with:
The Xmas celebrations =
To mean Brexit clashes?
John Murray with:
White Island =
Wilted in ash :(
Rosie Perera with:
There is no smocking gun =
Ensuring those mocking.
David Bourke with:
Boris landslide =
Brainless dildo.
Brian Taylor with:
Boris is the big winner =
British ire begins now.
Adie Pena with:
Boris and the Tories win =
O, shit! Britain worsened.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Conservative landslide =
This vote lands deliverance
Tom Myers with:
Donald Trump to be impeached =
Complaint heard -- to be dumped!
Ellie Dent with:
A Bethlehem stable =
Shall meet THE babe.
Rosie Perera with:
Christianity Today's anti-Trump editorial ~
said the criminal idiot tyrant's out. Pray it!
Tony Crafter with:
"She is happy but I do worry," admits Greta Thunberg's dad =
Pa: "My bright, witty daughter had depression. So absurd."
Dharam Khalsa with:
Sydney's New Year's Eve fireworks display to go ahead =
Eyes savor sky show, despite fire danger. Delay? No way!
David Bourke with:
Caroline Flack and Lewis Burton =
Known trouble, and farcical lies.
Meyran Kraus with:
Earth's climate crisis =
It's critical mass here!
1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Labour's leader Jeremy Corbyn =
BoJo's really burned my career!
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Time Person of the Year Greta Thunberg =
My urgent part before the earth is gone.
3rd - Valery Silivanov with:
Vladimir Lenin, a communist =
In sum, mad violent criminal
Valery Silivanov with:
Vladimir Lenin, a communist =
In sum, mad violent criminal
View with:
Rajmund Roman Thierry Polanski =
Horny jerk, un-moral mind, a rapist
David Bourke with:
Dianne Claire Buswell ~
is a well-nubile dancer!
Ellie Dent with:
Messieurs Monet and Manet =
Art united some men's names.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Time Person of the Year Greta Thunberg =
I beget a green hope, or Earth mustn't fry!
David Bourke with:
Time's 'Person of the Year', Greta Thunberg =
One strategy: Berating her foe. (He's Trump).
Adie Pena with:
Time Person of the Year Greta Thunberg =
My urgent part before the earth is gone.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Labour's leader Jeremy Corbyn =
BoJo's really burned my career!
David Bourke with:
Caroline Patricia Lucas =
Air: A clean-up "so critical".
David Bourke with:
The Labour Party MP Rebecca Roseanne Long-Bailey =
Her general plan is: Maybe about to replace Corbyn.
David Bourke with:
Martin Peters =
RIP, net master.
David Bourke with:
The singer/actress Dame Olivia Newton-John AC DBE =
See combined dances with John Travolta in Grease.
Tony Crafter with:
Swedish schoolgirl Greta Tintin Eleonora Thunberg =
Into regular relocating, got behind with her lessons.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Top Dems:
Joe Biden
Bernie Sanders
Elizabeth Warren
=
Pardonable?
Jewish, brazen one
Be determined, sister!
1st - Brian Taylor with:
The Anglo-Irish Agreement =
Remaining together heals.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Chanel Eau de Toilette Spray for Women =
The scent one lady wore to fire up a male!
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Windsor Castle, in the County of Berkshire =
The British folks own a country residence.
David Bourke with:
Women Against State Pension Inequality =
Awaiting essential payment, no question.
Rosie Perera with:
Lethal Autonomous Weapons Systems =
Alas! Tests shot up men, women, also you!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Merriam-Webster Dictionary's Word of the Year =
Or, dramatic win for term "they" raised eyebrows.
Adie Pena with:
And crowds in decline still occupy ~
Piccadilly Circus, West End, London.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Palace of Westminster, London ~
slowed the consent of Parliament
George Missailidis with:
The Windsor Castle in Berkshire, London =
An old residence birth's known to relish.
View with:
Russian Red Army ~
ran murders, I say.
Rosie Perera with:
MAGA Christians =
Giant archaisms
Valery Silivanov with:
Social Darwinism ~
is radicalism now.
Ellie Dent with:
Windsor Castle, in the County of Berkshire =
The British folks own a country residence.
Rosie Perera with:
Society for the Prevention of Useless Giving =
No gifts, toys; love is enough - finest price ever!
Brian Taylor with:
The Anglo-Irish Agreement =
Remaining together heals.
Tony Crafter with:
Chanel Eau de Toilette Spray for Women =
The scent one lady wore to fire up a male!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The New Year's Honours List ~
tunes who they enrol as "Sir"
1st - David Bourke with:
Donald Trump, the worst-ever president of the United States of America =
He spluttered out a damned massive torrent of crap on his Twitter feed!
Eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The happiness I felt when I got out the Xmas decorations and came upon a present I forgot to hand both my children last year!
=
The fond delight on those darling, innocent faces mirrored mine as they tore open that box...
Such a total shame it was a puppy.
Eq2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Four of the most famous or cited people called Boris:
1. Karloff
2. Yeltsin
3. Pasternak
4. Johnson
=
1. Fiendish actor roles
2. Suffered market collapse
3. On top of any bookshelf
4. Journalist, to PM
Rosie Perera with:
Constitutional Grounds for Presidential Impeachment =
Inclined to get sinister life-monarch Don Trump out ASAP!
Tony Crafter with:
The happiness I felt when I got out the Xmas decorations and came upon a present I forgot to hand both my children last year!
=
The fond delight on those darling, innocent faces mirrored mine as they tore open that box...
Such a total shame it was a puppy.
David Bourke with:
Amanda Thirsk, the former private secretary to HRH Prince Andrew =
York harm... her post ended, after that prime car-crash interview ran.
Adie Pena with:
All-too-common modern postulations had damaged our old Bible. Three assorted passages of annotated drama now prove that:
~
- An Apple got Adam and Eve into trouble
- Sodom and Gomorrah are porn sites
- Moses has tablets to download data from the cloud.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Four of the most famous or cited people called Boris:
1. Karloff
2. Yeltsin
3. Pasternak
4. Johnson
=
1. Fiendish actor roles
2. Suffered market collapse
3. On top of any bookshelf
4. Journalist, to PM
Rosie Perera with:
"This is the lightest impeachment in the history of our country, by far" =
The hefty con Trump, he is not easily forthright about his "tiny" crimes.
Ellie Dent with:
Charles Dickens: A Christmas Carol. In Prose. Being a Ghost Story of Christmas =
A classic at schools: Greying, rich boss - the miser - transforms to a kinder chap.
Tony Crafter with:
Tory leader Boris has won the 2019 election by a landslide majority over Corbyn
=
"It ran really close! So... did arch-hero Jeremy win by only 19 votes? Or 20?" - Diane Abbott.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland =
Tender land, dark bitter, rain often, no high mountain ridge
David Bourke with:
Donald Trump, the worst-ever president of the United States of America =
He spluttered out a damned massive torrent of crap on his Twitter feed!
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would 'foresight' be?" (Anonymous)
=
I wish that my new year is:
2 Highs,
0 Ennui,
2 Roomfuls of gold,
0 Debt!
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would 'foresight' be?" (Anonymous)
=
New Year's Resolutions 2020
Finish with 'dumb' half.
Go to gym.
Hide.
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be? (Anonymous)
=
2020's when I say, "Sod you, England, I'm with flight from the EU!" (Boris)
Adie Pena with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be? (Anonymous)
=
It's high time in 2020 for armed U.S. to howl why guns end a boy's life.
Rosie Perera with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous)
=
I'd wish/insist: May the New Year 2020 be full of good things, humor!
Dharam Khalsa with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous)
=
History of 2020 will be fraught with many endings, some hideous!
Dharam Khalsa with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous)
=
I say 2020 will be mighty hot--fine for media, newshounds, or thugs!
View with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous)
=
Ugh, somehow, 2020 will be year of more fights 'n' hits...and disunity!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be? (Anonymous)
=
2020's when I say, "Sod you, England, I'm with flight from the EU!" (Boris)
Ellie Dent with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be? (Anonymous)
=
Oh, today we see 2020 rushing in. Why fuss? It might bode ill for man!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be? (Anonymous)=
2020's when I may fight with EU for the old England you miss! (Boris)
Adrian Hickford with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would 'foresight' be?" (Anonymous)
=
Wonderful, smashing ideology: I wish humanity the best for 2020.
Christopher Sturdy with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous)
=
"If my whimsy should fail... No shit, we die soon (2020)"
-- Greta Thunberg
Dharam Khalsa with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous)
=
2020 with bees and fish dying out. Must we foolishly ignore harm?
Adrian Hickford with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would 'foresight' be?" (Anonymous)
=
New Year's Resolutions 2020
Finish with 'dumb' half.
Go to gym.
Hide.
Tony Crafter with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would foresight" be?" (Anonymous)=
I? Mild, show-offish me; stay silent in 2020? How dare you! - G. Thunberg
Dharam Khalsa with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous)
=
In 2020, it's mayhem! We should offer "insight" to guys who are blind!
Tom Myers with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous) =
My thought? How fission abuses might end world life in year 2020
Dharam Khalsa with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous)
=
2020 might bring unity for the families and households. Wow, yes!
Jesse Frankovich with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be? (Anonymous)
=
I dunno, my fellow... this might be us foreshadowing 2020 this year!
Dharam Khalsa with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous)
=
In 2020, will we find hugs of unity, or more egotism by sh*theads? Ha!
Ellie Dent with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous)
=
Oh, enough of dither and misery - how satisfying 2020 will, *must* be!
Dharam Khalsa with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous)
=
Wisdom, insight, a thought beforehand, so we nullify 2020 misery.
Adie Pena with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be?" (Anonymous) =
Musing if this 20-year thawing 2º rise would flood homes by then.
Brian Taylor with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would 'foresight' be?" (Anonymous)
=
2020: "see the flood-mythology brainwashing minds?"
Future: "I wish!"
Meyran Kraus with:
"If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would 'foresight' be?" (Anonymous)
=
I wish that my new year is:
2 Highs,
0 Ennui,
2 Roomfuls of gold,
0 Debt!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Three men, Walt, Colin and Ben, died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this Holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven."
Walt, the first man, fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a cigarette lighter. He flicked it on. "This represents a candle," he said.
"Very well, I will allow you through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.
Colin, the second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're the bells."
Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."
Ben, the third man started searching frantically through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
Saint Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolise?"
The man replied, "They're Carol's."
=
Sara, a pretty girl in her late teens, was doing some Christmas shopping in a department store.
She paused by some Christmas decorations, trying to decide which of the many delightful types of tinsel she should buy.
Finally, she made her choice and asked the spotty youth manning the counter, "How much is the sparkly, gold tinsel garland?"
The youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe in the area above the counter and said, "Okay, so this week we have a really special seasonal offer - just one kiss per metre."
"Gee, that is fabulous!" she said, "I'll take ten metres please."
With barely-suppressed anticipation written all over his spotty face, the boy measured out the tinsel, wrapped up the garland, and handed it to her.
Sara then called to an old man who'd been looking at Christmas trees and said to the youth, "Thanks, my Grandpa here will settle the bill."
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Amazing Futuristic Predictions about this coming Year 2020:
1. Human feet will become just one big toe
2. We'll have ape chauffeurs
3. We'll live in flying houses
4. And our houses will be cleaned by hoses
5. We'll eat candy made of underwear
6. We'll have personal helicopters
7. C, X, and Q will not be part of the alphabet
8. We'll have both telepathy and teleportation
9. All roads will become tubes
10. Nobody will work and everybody will be rich
11. Mail will be sent via rocket
12. We'll finally make it to Mars
13. Women will all be built like wrestlers
14. We'll wear antenna hats and disposable socks
15. Everything—even baby cradles—will be made out of steel
16. We'll be able to vote electronically from home
17. Everyone will stop drinking coffee and tea
18. There will be "blood banks" for teeth
19. Everyone will be a vegetarian
20. But also, eating will no longer be necessary
21. We'll have robots as therapists
22. Vacuums will be nuclear-powered
23. There will be no need for futurists to predict the future
=
1. Royal College of Surgeons of England - One blob? Well, the 'wee-wee-wee' little baby piggy won't be stubbed!
2. The global RAND Corporation
3. Novelist Arthur C. Clarke - Will allow fleet travel and frequent relocation!
4. New York Times' science editor, Waldemar Kaempffert
5. Popular Mechanics - Wooly undies relabelled 'edible bonbons'?
6. Popular Mechanics - Will be totally essential in the future!
7. Ladies' Home Journal - Babble!
8. Michael O'Farrell of The Mobile Institute
9. Popular Mechanics - Well, no potholes!
10. Time weekly "The Futurists"
11. Swift U.S. Navy experiment (tabled)
12. Wired article - When?
13. By Dorothy Roe, Associated Press
14. British Vogue - Fable!
15. Inventor Thomas Edison - Well, will weldable alloys be allowable?
16. Wired writer - Debatable!
17. Nikola Tesla - Nonsense!
18. Lester David note
19. Gustav Bischoff - Vegetable hell! Well, be healthful!
20. Computer scientist Ray Kurzweil
21. "Shift" by Ariane Van de Ven
22. By Lewyt Vacuum Co.
23. Dave Evans - We will all have new ethereal knowhow!
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
To All Employees
From the Management
Subject: OFFICE CONDUCT DURING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON
Effective as from today Friday, employees should bear in mind the following guidelines in
compliance with FROLIC, that is the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council.
Running aluminium foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is actively discouraged.
And playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is not allowed (as it runs up a quite
incredible long-distance bill).
~
Work requests are NOT to be filed under "humbug" - that is just puerile.
Licenced company cars, many under-insured, are simply not to be used illicitly to go off
limits across the river, and a mile through the deep, unlit woods to Grandma's house.
Crucially, all rich mincepies to be consumed BEFORE July 25.
Coffee only, NOT illicit Egg nog, will be dispensed in all-night vending machines.
In spite of all this, staff are encouraged to have fun; a nice time, and perhaps find
fulfillment in the holiday.
Tony Crafter with:
Three men, Walt, Colin and Ben, died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this Holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven."
Walt, the first man, fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a cigarette lighter. He flicked it on. "This represents a candle," he said.
"Very well, I will allow you through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.
Colin, the second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're the bells."
Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."
Ben, the third man started searching frantically through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
Saint Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolise?"
The man replied, "They're Carol's."
=
Sara, a pretty girl in her late teens, was doing some Christmas shopping in a department store.
She paused by some Christmas decorations, trying to decide which of the many delightful types of tinsel she should buy.
Finally, she made her choice and asked the spotty youth manning the counter, "How much is the sparkly, gold tinsel garland?"
The youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe in the area above the counter and said, "Okay, so this week we have a really special seasonal offer - just one kiss per metre."
"Gee, that is fabulous!" she said, "I'll take ten metres please."
With barely-suppressed anticipation written all over his spotty face, the boy measured out the tinsel, wrapped up the garland, and handed it to her.
Sara then called to an old man who'd been looking at Christmas trees and said to the youth, "Thanks, my Grandpa here will settle the bill."
Adie Pena with:
Bill Gates: "Tell me about heaven up there, Steve."
Steve Jobs: "I just achieved a healthier body and this intangible, infinite harmony. Heaven appropriately hasn't built any wall or fence here!"
Bill Gates: "So...?"
Steve Jobs: "So there's just no need for both windows and gates over here! Oh I'm sorry, Bill, I didn't mean to offend or bother you today." ~
Bill Gates: "I'm fine Steve, but I did hear a nasty rumor."
Steve Jobs: "Oh, and what rumor is that?"
Bill Gates: "That nobody is allowed to touch an apple there, and that there are definitely no jobs in heaven."
Steve Jobs: "Gosh no, there are some, but only no-pay jobs. Of course, there's definitely no bill in heaven as everything will be provided free!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
An old sick man lies on his deathbed. He smells the cooking from the kitchen by his wife of fifty-four years. She's preparing his favourite meatballs. He hauls himself out of bed and crawls his way to the kitchen.
~
In time, he feebly hoists himself up to the chest-high table and grabs a meatball from a fancy covered dish. His wife hits his knuckles with a stiff wooden spoon, kicks him, and yells, "Oh! These are for your funeral!"
Ellie Dent with:
To All Employees
From the Management
Subject: OFFICE CONDUCT DURING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON
Effective as from today Friday, employees should bear in mind the following guidelines in
compliance with FROLIC, that is the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council.
Running aluminium foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is actively discouraged.
And playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is not allowed (as it runs up a quite
incredible long-distance bill).
~
Work requests are NOT to be filed under "humbug" - that is just puerile.
Licenced company cars, many under-insured, are simply not to be used illicitly to go off
limits across the river, and a mile through the deep, unlit woods to Grandma's house.
Crucially, all rich mincepies to be consumed BEFORE July 25.
Coffee only, NOT illicit Egg nog, will be dispensed in all-night vending machines.
In spite of all this, staff are encouraged to have fun; a nice time, and perhaps find
fulfillment in the holiday.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The Archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."
- Khalil Gibran
=
Thoughts:
Hah! Most of us harbor a responsibility in caring for our healthy cooing babies. We hug, kiss, cherish and love them. Ooh, who's a kooky 'guru' to say they're not ours?
Okay, he says we 'borrow' them. We bring our tiny human 'gifts' into the world, but we don't choose their hour of arrival - a greater force does that.
They come with their own thoughts of what the future would hold.
You fathers chastise, shush, rebuff, try to make youth obey and believe like us. But, don't rush them, father, for they move in their own time.
A savvy parent understands time better than anyone. There's no halting it, for it marches on.
Our tots have a destiny to fulfill. Our destinies may be interwoven, though they are never the same.
The closer you get to sending children off, the more you'll bend beyond your own limit. Stay strong as they solo in flight!
Your kids will fly higher than you'll ever see. Hooray, hooray!
Dharam Khalsa with:
It is often most appropriate now to say "Seasons Greetings". If you aren't sure, here are just a few of the numerous December or winter holidays:
Advent and Christmas
Boddhi Day
Pancha Ganapati
Human Light
Hanukkah
Yule
Kwanzaa
Winter Solstice
Soyal
Human Rights Day
Chalica
Newtonmas
Festivus
=
Christian
Buddha's enlightenment
Hinduism
Humanist
Judaism
Pagan, Gypsy
African beat day
Wiccan, New Age, a shadow over Stonehenge
Zuni or Hopi feast
Secular household day
Unitarian Universalist
Skeptics who are loyal to Newton
Somewhat fake toast "for the rest of us" merrymakers at a party
Dharam Khalsa with:
Amazing Futuristic Predictions about this coming Year 2020:
1. Human feet will become just one big toe
2. We'll have ape chauffeurs
3. We'll live in flying houses
4. And our houses will be cleaned by hoses
5. We'll eat candy made of underwear
6. We'll have personal helicopters
7. C, X, and Q will not be part of the alphabet
8. We'll have both telepathy and teleportation
9. All roads will become tubes
10. Nobody will work and everybody will be rich
11. Mail will be sent via rocket
12. We'll finally make it to Mars
13. Women will all be built like wrestlers
14. We'll wear antenna hats and disposable socks
15. Everything—even baby cradles—will be made out of steel
16. We'll be able to vote electronically from home
17. Everyone will stop drinking coffee and tea
18. There will be "blood banks" for teeth
19. Everyone will be a vegetarian
20. But also, eating will no longer be necessary
21. We'll have robots as therapists
22. Vacuums will be nuclear-powered
23. There will be no need for futurists to predict the future
=
1. Royal College of Surgeons of England - One blob? Well, the 'wee-wee-wee' little baby piggy won't be stubbed!
2. The global RAND Corporation
3. Novelist Arthur C. Clarke - Will allow fleet travel and frequent relocation!
4. New York Times' science editor, Waldemar Kaempffert
5. Popular Mechanics - Wooly undies relabelled 'edible bonbons'?
6. Popular Mechanics - Will be totally essential in the future!
7. Ladies' Home Journal - Babble!
8. Michael O'Farrell of The Mobile Institute
9. Popular Mechanics - Well, no potholes!
10. Time weekly "The Futurists"
11. Swift U.S. Navy experiment (tabled)
12. Wired article - When?
13. By Dorothy Roe, Associated Press
14. British Vogue - Fable!
15. Inventor Thomas Edison - Well, will weldable alloys be allowable?
16. Wired writer - Debatable!
17. Nikola Tesla - Nonsense!
18. Lester David note
19. Gustav Bischoff - Vegetable hell! Well, be healthful!
20. Computer scientist Ray Kurzweil
21. "Shift" by Ariane Van de Ven
22. By Lewyt Vacuum Co.
23. Dave Evans - We will all have new ethereal knowhow!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"The path, of course, is not always smooth, and may at times this year have felt quite bumpy, but small steps can make a world of difference."
=
"Does a top speech reflect the awfully vain mammoth fatcat Boris, a stuffy Duke as a mate, or that impossibly slimy son, Andrew?" (The Queen)
Dharam Khalsa with:
1 . period (or "full stop") to end a sentence
2 , comma to mark a pause in a sentence (lots of rules; look 'em up)
3 ? question mark
4 ! exclamation point
5 ' apostrophe or single quote (for possessives, contractions or around quotes, or an abbreviation for hours or feet)
6 "" double quote (for quotes in American English, or quotes within quotes, or abbreviation for inches or minutes)
7 : colon (look up the rules)
8 ; semicolon (a stop mid-sentence used to join two shorter sentences into one; look up the rules)
9 () parentheses
10 - hyphen (for hyphenated words or breaking words at the end of a line)
11 / slash
There's also en-dash (wider than a hyphen, the width of an n in a proportional-spaced font) and em-dash (double wide dash, the width of an m in a proportional spaced font); look up the rules on these.
=
The proof is:
1 Here is a random statement.
2 I have visited Albuquerque more than a hundred times, but I do not wish to live there.
3 How picturesque is it?
4 The Sandia mountaintop arose!
5 It's majestic.
6 One lone peak rises and reminds me of a Dr. Seuss quote "Your mountain is waiting, So... get on your way!"
7 Equipment needed to conquer that summit, in perhaps the horrors of one scorcher of a hot afternoon: excellent boots, shatterproof bottle, poncho, and handheld phone.
8 Do not approach poisonous rattlesnakes on open trails; look around and do not be careless.
9 (I suppose the poor snakes ignore people or learn of the painful consequences too).
10 Helpful handbooks describe well-known plants or flowers.
11 These furnish colors and/or known locations of the flora.
Eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
Tony Crafter with:
An elderly man joined an exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there, he took off his clothes and started wandering naked around the grounds.
A gorgeous, petite blonde walked by, and the man instantly got an erection. The girl, noticing his gigantic erection, approached him and said, "Did you call for me, sir?"
The man replied, "No, what do you mean?"
She said, "You must be new here, so I'll explain. We have a rule that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me."
Smiling, she led him to the side of a pool, lay down on a large towel, eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way.
Afterwards, the delighted man carried on exploring the camp's attractions and came across a sauna. He entered the building and as he sat down, he farted.
Within seconds, a huge, hairy man lumbered into the sauna room, "Did you call for me?" asked the hulk.
"No, what do you mean?" replied the newcomer.
I guess you must be new here," said the man. "The rule is: if you fart, it implies that you called for me."
The huge, hirsute man then spun him round and, bending him over a bench, had his way with him.
"No, what do you mean?" replied the newcomer.
The distressed newbie staggered groggily back to the reception area, where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist. "How may I help you?" she asked.
The man replied, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back as well and you can also keep the five-hundred-pounds joining fee."
But sir," she replied, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had a proper chance to view all our facilities."
The man replied, "Listen lady, I am seventy-four years old. I only get an erection once every month, but I fart thirteen times a day. I'm out of here!"
=
Two aliens landed in a US desert near a gas station that was closed for the night.
They approached one of the pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling human. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
The gas pump, of course, did not reply.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response, but the older alien murmured: "Hmm, I'd just simmer down a moment if I were you, buddy."
The immovable young alien ignored the warning and repeated his introduction.
I guess you must be new here," said the man. "The rule is: if you fart, it implies that you called for me."
Once more, there came no reply.
Annoyed at the pump's decidedly haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said huffily, "We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I'll fire!"
Once more, the older alien cautioned his fiery comrade saying, "You probably shouldn't provoke him! I think it will make him really mad."
"Rubbish!" objected the hotheaded young alien. With that, he aimed his weapon and opened fire...
'Boom!' There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball shot towards them and blew the young alien off his feet right into a cactus patch.
A half-hour passed. When he finally came to, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked numbly at the older alien who was standing over him shaking his massive, green head.
"What an extremely vicious creature!" exclaimed the young alien. "He nearly killed me! How did you know that he could be so dangerous?"
The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "My boy, the main thing I have learned from my intergalactic travels is that you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear."
Eq1st - Ellie with:
THE THINGS THEY SAY AT CHRISTMAS... and what they really mean.
They say:
1. "Darling, your Nativity Play was an absolute triumph. I am so proud."
2. "I think I will probably give the work do a swerve this year."
3. "Do pop round to ours anytime won't you."
4. "So what are your plans for Christmas?" and "Are you all ready for Christmas?"
5. "What is this TV channel we are watching now?"
6. "Town was a complete nightmare. The shops were totally jammed."
7. "Well done, kids. The Christmas tree looks wonderful, it's gorgeous."
8. "Secret Santa is just a bit of fun."
9. "A very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yours."
10. "Of course! The more the merrier."
11. "I've kept the receipt, just in case."
12. "Christmas television is just a load of rubbish and repeats."
13. "That is so kind and thoughtful of you. It's exactly what I wanted."
14. "This mulled wine is delicious."
15. "Shall we play a board game, like Scrabble, for example?"
16. "I don't actually own a Christmas jumper but I thought this would be closest."
17. "Christmas is about the children really, isn't it?"
18. "We rang the doorbell but you were out."
19. "You look festive."
20. "I couldn't eat another thing."
21. "Happy holidays!"
22. "Father Christmas has been!"
23. "Lunch might be a little later than planned."
24. "Where's your Christmas spirit?"
25. "Have a good one."
26. "I'm hoping for a White Christmas. It's so kinda magical."
27. "Of course we are going to church. We feel it is important at this time of year."
28. "That is perfect, thank you. Looks delicious."
29. "Look what they got me!"
30. "I've got an upset tummy from all the rich food."
31. "I thought I might go out now for a little walk."
=
They mean:
1. "I spent the whole shambolic production seething that you weren't a lead. Also I couldn't tell which sheep you were."
2. "I'm still on a warning for last year's."
3. "Text first so that we can come up with an excuse."
4. "I can't think of what to say. Hurry, just keep the answer brief. I'm not actually interested."
5. "I hate it when you're in charge of the remote."
6. "I went to the pub."
7. "It's a mess. I'll re-do it."
8. "We fear being called sad killjoys if we stop."
9. "I don't recall your names."
10. "Please stay away."
11. "If you don't love it I'll be jolly upset."
12. "I am psychologically superior to you."
13. "I hate it."
14. "It's too hot. I feel sluggish; my teeth...furry."
15. "Shall we have a furious row?"
16. "It's mad. I'd rather open a vein than wear that."
17. "Can't stand the little horrors; thrash the rascals, I say."
18. "We couldn't be arsed to ring the bell, so we have left your parcel somewhere to get wet, or stolen."
19. "You look drunk."
20. "Right, I might just manage a scrumptious sandwich, fresh from the plate."
21. "I work for a US firm." Or, "I'm paralysed by PC."
22. "It's 6.0 a.m!"
23. "The bird won't cook. I'm frustrated, harassed, having a breakdown."
24. "I'm a kidult who's enthusiastic, mad about Christmas Day ahead!"
25. "I don't know who you are."
26. "A sham. Heavy snow's such a pain. Harsh; a hardship. I'm just trying to sound romantic."
27. "I don't want to go to the Church mass, but Mum'll simply be hysterical."
28. "Too many sprouts, but have to be polite."
29. "You think of something good, charitable to say. I can't."
30. "I'm groggy. I have an upset tum from hard drink."
31. "If I have to stay cooped up with ghastly, charmless, ragtag relatives, I will kill. Sorry."
3rd - Adie Pena with:
CIRCLE OF LIFE
from "The Lion King"
From the day we arrive on the planet
And, blinking, step into the sun
There's more to be seen than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
Some say, "Eat or be eaten."
Some say, "Live and let live."
But all are agreed
As they join the stampede
You should never take more than you give
In the circle of life
It's the wheel of fortune
It's the leap of faith
It's the band of hope
'Til we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle, the circle of life
Some of us fall by the wayside
And some of us soar to the stars
And some of us sail through our troubles
And some have to live with the scars
There's far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round
In the circle of life
It's the wheel of fortune
It's the leap of faith
It's the band of hope
'Til we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle, the circle of life
It's the wheel of fortune
It's the leap of faith
It's the band of hope
'Til we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle, the circle of life
On the path unwinding
In the circle, the circle of life.
=
THE CIRCLE OF LIES
from "The Lyin' King"
From the month I arrived in the White House
Nineteen lies set off a hostile tool
The canard unfounded I shall not oppose
Endeavored to breaking the rule
Full of the offhand stuff
Rehashed falsehoods replete
This world of pretend
Unpunished to the end
Tolerate that offence then repeat
In the circle of lies
I can make that fortune
One big heap of dough
With my band of dopes
I'll create my base
A White House revolving
In the circle, the circle of lies
The resentment is apparent
Effortless opponents of the truth
Fought dethronements aplenty
An insane Senate hoodwinks the youth
So unfaithful to the nation
Unpleasant pests for free
We're not law abidin'
Than fine truthful Joe Biden
But I'll swear that he's dirtier than me
In the circle of lies
I can make that fortune
One big heap of dough
With my band of dopes
I'll create my base
A White House revolving
In the circle, the circle of lies
I can make that fortune
One big heap of dough
With my band of dopes
I'll create my base
A White House revolving
In the circle, the circle of lies
A White House revolving
In the circle, the circle of lies.
Dharam Khalsa with:
'Twas the Night Before Christmas
(the full text by Clement Clarke Moore)
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
=
'Twas the Night Before Christmas, Facebook Edition
(translation, with credit to Linda Sharps)
'Twas Christmas on Facebook, when all through the house
Every mother inside was focussed, while clicking a mouse.
The Instagram photo filter was chosen with thoughtful care,
In anticipation that an amusing likeness would get a share.
Each parent wished to show followers funny things their kids had said;
So much to be documented, and so many threads to be read,
With Junior's winning kickoff, newborn baby Sally mid-nap,
Everyone geo-tagged and placed on the navigational map.
When somewhere off-screen there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my laptop to see what was the matter.
Away from the desk I was determined to explore;
Blinking in the non-LCD light, I rushed to the door.
The snow on the floodlit land was, well...heavenly! I'd just send a short post!
When, suddenly I hallucinated a seasonal ghost;
"Huh?" I blinked. When, what to my blinking eyes should appear,
But a jingling sleigh, a funny old fellow in it, with eight dwarf reindeer!
When the flabby whiskered driver climbed off the apparatus,
Well, I was wishing to post an exaggerated status,
When, more rapid than my hand, his word came,
"Hush!" Then, he whistled and called them by name!
"Now, Friend Me! now, Like Me! now, Poke Me! now Share!
On, Childish Rants! on, Pet Videos! on, Holy Faithful Prayers!
To the peak of the roof! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
I held the iPhone high and clicked the photo app,
When suddenly on my shoulder there came this startling tap.
I flinched and realized my unborn post was belated.
I'd describe Santa's visit like this: "It's complicated!"
He looked a bit shaken, that Santa, all told,
When he warned me my updates were getting quite old,
With the dark Someecards, hundredth harsh joke of George Takei,
Thirteenth church luncheon check-in, (with the final one, he actually rolled his eyes!)
He noted, "Haughty chitchat, fluffy cat video shares... Whew, the're all so corny!
Why are you cluttering my news feed with drab statuses and halfhearted whatnot that bore me?"
His kind mouth was now drawn up to let fly,
And he was flashing me a Santa Stink Eye!
Then, with no word, he went straight to the browser,
He concentrated on the Timeline and loosened his trousers.
With a nod he unleashed a harsh insult, "Oh, how banal!"
Then, he rubbed his head and deleted my Wall!
With masterful finesse, he sprang into his sleigh, and to the reindeer gave a whistle.
With a whoosh, his sleigh hurled into the dark night like an emoji of a missile,
Nonetheless, I heard him exclaim, "Ho, Ho, Ho! With all respect, you've been one helluva hostess!
JOYFUL FACEBOOK TO ALL! (And, I know that not one of you will repost this!)"
Dharam Khalsa with:
'Twas the Night Before Christmas
(the full text by Clement Clarke Moore)
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
=
'Twas the Night Before Christmas, Facebook Edition
(with credit to author Linda Sharps)
'Twas Christmas on Facebook, when all through the house
Each child's mother was settled in a nightgown, and clicking on a mouse.
The funny Instagram filter had been chosen with care,
In the hopes that an enhanced photo will get the kinfolks' share.
Every proud parent wished to show hilarious stuff the kids had said;
So much to be documented, and then threads to be read!
Junior's high school kickoff and newborn infant Hannah's swaddled nap.
And each adult faithfully geo-tagged on the navigational map.
When elsewhere, off-screen, there rose an awful clatter,
I shut off the laptop to see what was the matter.
Away from my desk I was determined to explore;
Blinking in the blinding non-LCD light, I ran to the door.
The new-fallen snow made the town look like a wonderland! I will write a post!
Then, I thought I'd had a drunk delusion, random hypnosis, or beheld a nightmarish ghost;
I shivered, when what to my astonished eyes should appear,
But a jingling sleigh, an odd unshorn goblin, and eight dwarf reindeer!
As chubby Santa climbed free from the apparatus,
I wished to hashtag an exaggerated status,
But, faster than my nimble thumbs type, his interjection came,
"Hush!" Then, with a shrill whistle, he called his herd by name!
"Now, Friend Me! now, Like Me! now, Poke Me! now Share!
Now, Indignant Rant! now, Silly Pet Video! now, Uninspiring Prayer!
To the peak of the roof! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
I held the phone high, clicking the photo app,
Then, suddenly on my left shoulder came a fatherly tap.
I realized that my post would be belated,
When I'd describe the visit like this: "It was complicated!"
He looked forlorn, that Santa, all told,
When he warned me my updates were getting quite old,
With the worn-out Someecards, the known jokes of George Takei's,
The fourteenth hairstylist check-in, (with this, he rolled his eyes!)
He yawned, "The cheesy cat videos, worthless drama, Don's news retweets...so corny!
You're tarnishing my news feed with statuses that bore me."
His mouth, like a bow, was drawn up to let fly,
And he gave me the crushing Santa Claus Stink Eye!
With no words, he scrolled with the browser,
Considered my Timeline, and hitched up his trousers.
He chortled an intellectual insult, "Oh, how banal!"
Furrowed his forehead, and deleted my Wall!
Washing down a ninth sandwich with a healthy shake, he hastened to his sleigh and gave a whistle.
In a flash they all flew skyward like an emoji of a missile,
Nonetheless, I heard him exclaim, "Ho, Ho, Ho! With all respect, you have been one helluva hostess!
JOYFUL FACEBOOK TO ALL! (And, I have a hunch that none of you will repost this!)"
Ellie Dent with:
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nick soon would be there.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedlar, just opening his pack.
=
A CAT'S CHRISTMAS
It was the night before Christmas, now all were unwinding through the whole house
and not one creature was stirring there... none were, not even a mouse.
'Cos on waking, the heathenish cat had pounced on him, then torn him apart
Swallowed his intestines, chewed up and eaten his unoffending heart.
Kitty thought he heard sleigh bells yonder, which made him beware, take a short pause
And he stopped daintily licking mouse's blood from his claws.
"Oh hurrah, this must be Santa" thought Kitty, an intelligent, knowledgeable cat
"Why, 'cos no one else climbs down an inconvenient chimney like that."
Yes indeed, twas that overworked, wrinkled ol' Santa; renowned, jaunty, jolly and fat
With a bagload of fashionable presents, all for him, that feline debonair cat!
"Oh, wow, goodness! It's quite the best Christmas ever!" Kitty thought with a purr,
Then he frowned, coughed up a neat hairball and fortified now, shed some more fur.
1st - David Bourke with:
Boris landslide =
Brainless dildo.
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Blokes chatting. (OK, really ~
they are talking bollocks!)
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
(Sips many pints...) =
"Piss in my pants!"
Adie Pena with:
A small erection =
Article's a lemon.
Tony Crafter with:
That grotty penis=
Not a pretty sight...
John Murray with:
Sir George Iain Duncan Smith =
NHS going, I'm a dire cunt. Arise!
View with:
A small erection =
"Male" is not clear.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Blokes chatting. (OK, really ~
they are talking bollocks!)
Meyran Kraus with:
(Sips many pints...) =
"Piss in my pants!"
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Stupid monster, or ~
Trump on steroids.