1st - Brian Taylor with:
Marxist teen =
An extremist.
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Divided electorates =
Vote is declared tied.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The political parties' manifesto sheets =
It's plain most of these are pathetic lies.
Adie Pena with:
The calico kitty is lured? ~
Curiosity killed the cat!
Adrian Hickford with:
The sounds of Mother Nature =
Not some thunderous father?
Brian Taylor with:
Marxist teen =
An extremist.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Birthday celebrations ‡
I bitterly abhor dances.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Darn flies in my ~
family's dinner!
Dharam Khalsa with:
A man stayed up all night to find out where the sun was =
The guy felt a usual pattern shown, as it dawned on him!
Ellie Dent with:
Gleaming stone =
One lasting gem.
George Missailidis with:
Delivering math ‡
Living the dream!
George Missailidis with:
Diagnosed with autism =
Aid that genius wisdom.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Standard operating procedures =
Read arranged production steps.
John Murray with:
Vodka martini with olives =
So vile, I vomit what I drank!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Divided electorates =
Vote is declared tied
Rosie Perera with:
Father may film ~
the family farm.
Rosie Perera with:
A turkey is in the oven =
To Universe: I thank ye!
Tony Crafter with:
The political parties' manifesto sheets =
It's plain most of these are pathetic lies.
View with:
The family fortune =
Hateful money rift.
View with:
A tweeter has ~
a sweetheart.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Walt Disney's animated motion picture 'Frozen II' ~
found Elsa in a midwinter trip to a misty ice zone.
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Britten's The Young Person's Guide to the Orchestra =
Teens got trained through best percussion theory.
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo =
I dignify my method of chucking a ton in garbage pile.
Adie Pena with:
The Rolling Stones, a British rock band =
Senior knight set on Billboard Charts.
Adrian Hickford with:
Britten's The Young Person's Guide to the Orchestra =
Teens got trained through best percussion theory
David Bourke with:
The Strictly Come Dancing head judge Shirley Ballas =
"My 'DD' jugs ache!" - Her breasts clinically-lightened to 'A'.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Tom Hanks, star in "A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood" =
It had to be you, or the kin of a humble and sharing saint!
Ellie Dent with:
'Jude the Obscure' by novelist Thomas Hardy =
Outcry at this humble hero saddens, by Jove!
Ellie Dent with:
A Titian in National Gallery of Art, Washington, DC, US =
This, an Italian, or any nude's attracting a following.
Ellie Dent with:
Titian's 'Venus With A Mirror' =
I view naturism; in short, art.
George Missailidis with:
The Genie from Aladdin =
An ideal thing: freedom.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Anna and the King of Siam by Margaret Landon =
Great nanny manages a nob kid from Thailand.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Cleopatra by Artemisia Gentileschi =
Image thereat by classic oil painter
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Animal Farm: A Fairy Story" by George Orwell =
I'm a wry allegory for reform by a Stalin age
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo =
I dignify my method of chucking a ton in garbage pile
Rosie Perera with:
Cirque du Soleil performers =
Colorful premises required.
Tony Crafter with:
Walt Disney's animated motion picture 'Frozen II' ~
found Elsa in a midwinter trip to a misty ice zone.
View with:
Charlie's Angels, the official trailer =
Three girls' close alliance. Hit affair.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Prince Andrew is to step down from his royal duties =
A role now ends. Epstein's corrupt ways did it for him.
2nd - View with:
The Syrian-Turkish border =
Kurds inhabit there? Sorry!
3rd - David Bourke with:
Evo Morales ~
leaves room.
Adie Pena with:
An idiot's Brexit =
It is a tinderbox.
Adie Pena with:
The anti-extradition protests =
It's not a threat to President Xi?
Adrian Hickford with:
Prince Andrew allegations =
Crown and regal elite's pain.
Adrian Hickford with:
Black Friday online deal =
Financed by, like, a dollar?
Alconcalcia with:
Unleash Britain's Potential =
"Still European Inhabitants!"
Andrew Brehaut with:
The process of impeaching President Donald =
Democratic posse planned the end of his grip.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Liberal Democrats - Working For You.
=
Whig air - bollocks to a Tory referendum!
Christopher Sturdy with:
A person drenched with sweat =
She stated who: Prince Andrew.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Multilevel Regression and Post-stratification =
Poll indicates voters trust tories in final game.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Multilevel Regression and Post-stratification =
If true, poll stats indicate remain voters losing.
David Bourke with:
Evo Morales ~
leaves room.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The whistleblower =
Will he be the worst?
Dharam Khalsa with:
A terror-related incident and shooting by officers =
It's a scare for London Bridge, and for the entire city!
Dharam Khalsa with:
A worker grabbed a narwhal tusk to tackle terrorist =
Track or target a berserk bloke with a natural sword.
Ellie Dent with:
Fishlake, Doncaster, South Yorkshire =
Yes, historic flood: UK's rather shaken.
Ellie Dent with:
Another school tragedy in the USA =
Shots the young hear and recoil at.
Ellie Dent with:
An ill-advised interview =
I see TV nail livid Andrew.
John Murray with:
Flood warnings in November =
Don overflows in big manner
John Murray with:
Severe flood warnings in November =
Means River Don's been overflowing.
John Murray with:
Boris Johnson's EU plans =
No jobs, NHS on sale. RIP us!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Holding the general election just before Christmas =
The Grinch must feel glee at a derelict Boris Johnson
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
An idiot's Brexit =
It axed nit Boris.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Unleash Britain's potential =
Line in a tale that Boris spun.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Labour manifesto =
Flout a mean Boris!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
It's Time for Real Change: the Labour Manifesto =
Health care items in absolute giant of reform
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Get Brexit Done, Unleash Britain's Potential =
Don't be seen taxing the upstart billionaire
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"It's Time for Real Change" =
Miscarriage on the Left?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Anti-Muslim tropes: Blame Boris =
Labour's anti-Semitism problem
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A Conservative landslide =
Leavers do evict an island
Rick Rothstein with:
Most of the Senate Republicans ~
so enable these antics of Trump.
Rosie Perera with:
Emma Watson says she is 'self-partnered' not single =
No men, penises, flattery, massages, and/or whistles.
Rosie Perera with:
Witness intimidation by the president =
It's his pattern: "See my bid? I intend to win!"
Rosie Perera with:
"There was no quid pro quo" (Donald Trump) =
Proud man quoted in Post. Who'd quarrel?
Rosie Perera with:
Impeachment testimony ‡
It's incompetent mayhem.
Rosie Perera with:
Articles of impeachment against Donald Trump =
A firm campaign, call to oust the damn president.
Rosie Perera with:
Eating Thanksgiving leftovers on Friday =
Note the kin serving stiff old gravy again.
Tony Crafter with:
Prince Andrew is to step down from his royal duties =
A role now ends. Epstein's corrupt ways did it for him.
View with:
The Syrian-Turkish border =
Kurds inhabit there? Sorry!
View with:
Syrian regime =
A misery reign.
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
The leader Vladimir Putin =
Villain there aided Trump.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
HRH Princess Beatrice of York =
Cor, crikey! Pa's in fresh bother!
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Duke of York, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor ~
tried to debunk or deny truths a woman knew of.
Adie Pena with:
Also remove ~
Evo Morales!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Chef and television personality Gary Rhodes =
One sad, lonely fan's cry to grieve his death. RIP
David Bourke with:
The vocalist of Iron Maiden Paul Bruce Dickinson =
Such music! Fencer and avid airline pilot too! Knob.
David Bourke with:
Matthew Aplin's ~
slept with a man!
Dharam Khalsa with:
First Daughter and top White House adviser Ivanka =
Dad: "The kin having devious profits - what a treasure!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
Life coach, philanthropist and writer Tony Robbins =
No sir, I'll both fornicate with any bitch and prosper!
Ellie Dent with:
Shakespeare the wordsmith =
See the work had mastership.
Ellie Dent with:
Pres. Donald and PM Boris =
Sad and improper blonds.
Ellie Dent with:
HRH Princess Beatrice of York =
Cor, crikey! Pa's in fresh bother!
Jesse Frankovich with:
The leader Vladimir Putin =
Villain there aided Trump.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
President Richard Milhous Nixon =
"Expert" criminals undid his honor
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
President Abraham Lincoln =
Spend a North American bill!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor =
Non-wet underarm, don't swab it!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Duke of York, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor ~
tried to debunk or deny truths a woman knew of
Rosie Perera with:
Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Vindman =
Excellent man in an unideal ordeal on TV.
Tony Crafter with:
'Strictly Come Dancing' presenter Claudia Winkleman =
Cor! Eminent, amusing, well-paid and starkly eccentric!
View with:
Khalil Wheeler-Weaver =
Law: We have killer here!
1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Multilevel Regression and Post-stratification =
If true, poll stats indicate remain voters losing.
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts =
Hungry? Modest puke risk.
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Abbr in ~
Airbnb.
Adie Pena with:
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Incorporated =
Rotund person: "Their dope, my sugar kick."
Colleen Parkin with:
Lophiiformes, Acanthopterygii =
Get hot? No.. I appal? Yes! I'm horrific.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Abbr in ~
Airbnb.
Ellie Dent with:
The US National Gallery of Art, Washington DC =
Oh, a nude fat gal on show...certainly startling!
Jesse Frankovich with:
The Washington Nationals =
Ah, astonishing talent won!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Waverley Station, Edinburgh =
Hub to divergent NE railways
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Scottish National Party =
It's cast in a play to the north
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The English National Opera =
All ear pain on highest note!
Paul Pan with:
Cracks truly beset ~
Tesla's Cybertruck
Rosie Perera with:
The Amish Heritage Foundation =
Dig the union: faith, a horse team.
Rosie Perera with:
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts =
Hungry? Modest puke risk.
Rosie Perera with:
"'The President of Russia' ~
refers to Putin," she said.
Rosie Perera with:
Thanksgiving Day in the United States of America =
Egad! I have to ingest Ma's turkey and can't finish it!
Rosie Perera with:
Boomers and Millennials =
Old animals, nimbler ones.
Tony Crafter with:
The Pizza Express restaurant in Woking, Surrey =
Yorks whizz in near six, get a seat, supper. Return.
View with:
Notre Dame =
Not remade.
View with:
Tesla Cybertruck =
Car's better, lucky!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'.
Children:
1. Charlie Bucket
2. Augustus Gloop
3. Veruca Salt
4. Violet Beauregarde
5. Mike Teavee
=
1. A cute, loveable child
2. Teutonic kid, a huge eater
3. Spoilt brat, has a rich father
4. A cocky gum lover
5. A clue? - Ever glued to a screen!
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
A man wakes on his 33rd birthday to notice the clock is stuck at 3:33. He opens the paper's sports page to see horse #3 is running 33 to 1 odds.
~
He takes out hard earned pay, which translates to $33,333.33, pockets 1 ring and picks up possessions, to go bet on the horse. It comes in 3rd.
3rd - David Bourke with:
The actress Emma Watson says that she is 'self-partnered', not single
=
"A most senseless waste...in the past, I'd shag her!", Tony Crafter laments.
Adie Pena with:
The Top Three Gifts You Should Never, Ever Give
1. Exercise Gear
2. Pets
3. Romance Novels
=
1. Suggests one is very plump
2. Get the retriever or cheetah?
3. Eve of sex and/or violence.
David Bourke with:
The Member of Parliament for Uxbridge and South Ruislip =
Oxford blue and Eton pupils remember him as a right fruit!
David Bourke with:
The actress Emma Watson says that she is 'self-partnered', not single =
"A most senseless waste...in the past, I'd shag her!", Tony Crafter laments.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Never put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket" (unknown)
=
Makes sense! Shun envy, then keep your lock open to new opportunities.
Dharam Khalsa with:
New homeowner seated on the floor says, "I'd like to thank you for introducing me to minimalism"
~
Moneylender in main room with no sofa remarks to the young wife, "No Kim, it's the least I could do!"
Ellie Dent with:
A man wakes on his 33rd birthday to notice the clock is stuck at 3:33. He opens the paper's sports page to see horse #3 is running 33 to 1 odds.
~
He takes out hard earned pay, which translates to $33,333.33, pockets 1 ring and picks up possessions, to go bet on the horse. It comes in 3rd.
Ellie Dent with:
Have you forgotten yet?...
Look up, and swear by the
green of the spring that you'll never forget.
=
One prays to end folly, war
even; together save
liberty, that the keen young group fought for.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Member of Parliament for Uxbridge and South Ruislip =
Shameful bungler of a Prime Minister to do up hard Brexit
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland =
Far more than London and Edinburgh get tried in a trek in it
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A Thanksgiving Day for President Trump and his wife Melania =
Proper mad turkey and his dame flew in visiting Afghanistan
Rosie Perera with:
A Texas family was told to remove their Christmas decorations because it's too early =
Tabloid writes: "Exotic holiday cheer arrives too fast. Some say Santa must come later!"
Rosie Perera with:
The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) =
Let that nice physician hide a chart, a pill count, a tab, an obituary.
Rosie Perera with:
"But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." (Matthew 6:3)
=
Why, God? How do we donate $36, then? Humbly, only in the furtivest way; do not think to earn huge gratitude.
Tony Crafter with:
'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'.
Children:
1. Charlie Bucket
2. Augustus Gloop
3. Veruca Salt
4. Violet Beauregarde
5. Mike Teavee
=
1. A cute, loveable child
2. Teutonic kid, a huge eater
3. Spoilt brat, has a rich father
4. A cocky gum lover
5. A clue? - Ever glued to a screen!
View with:
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.(Epictetus)
=
To chat too much is waste. We must hear and wise up! Have new, essential tact! We can keep so!
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
"Oh, wait! I was telling white lies. It is the truth that, despite medicine, both Charles and I each sweat about twice more than David Cameron's pig."
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time
=
I lie. That said, as I'm the monarch's second son, with wealth, and with the public attitude I get toward war heroes, I believe I might escape, intact.
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time."
=
Indeed, with ease we see a tactic we might set with a speech Churchill said in wartime, that is, "I have nothing to impart but blood, toil, and tears."
Adie Pena with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
"The heir has got a wee piece!" The bitch tattles about "a prince with a diminutive rod!"
"What idiocies!" Andrew claims, "I don't sweat the small things!"
Adrian Hickford with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
"Oh, wait! I was telling white lies. It is the truth that, despite medicine, both Charles and I each sweat about twice more than David Cameron's pig."
Christopher Sturdy with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
Sod it, I hope that Maitlis woman can't see wet patches beneath one's tweed shirt which indicate I am a bullshitter.
I cavorted with a Girl Guide!
Christopher Sturdy with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
I hear it said "But the adrenal gland made this hormone; I won't accept the sweat", which is a bit stupid...
Is it wise to call the teenage victim "whore"?
David Bourke with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time" =
Whilst I saw active combat in the mid-Eighties, action with the chopper...I didn't get moist, because we had all that adrenaline! (Or was it the Sure?)
Dharam Khalsa with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
He smiled, "I washed that night with Scotch medicated soap to eliminate sweat as a clue, when I anticipated the trouble with Virginia Roberts.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
Dating that bare hottie with no testicle sweat is ethical. I was caught, and I didn't commit suicide. Perhaps I am a hero, even the whistleblower!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
Tidbit: He is active with:
* STEM
* Education
* Academics
* Entrepreneurship
Also with:
* White bias
* Ego with his title
* Wealth at hand
* Damage control
Dharam Khalsa with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
He said, "To outwit the law, I practised the criminal code: 'Be impeccable'. Sweat on a tweed suit, white shirt, vest, tie, or hat highlights DNA in a man."
Dharam Khalsa with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
The Edge
While scant wet perspiration,
Which limits cloth saturation,
Might beat bad humiliation,
Decrease the devastation,
I washed--twice!
Ellie Dent with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
Horses sweat, gentlemen perspire. What? Oh, wait! I, I don't - I can't because I'm odd, a health victim, with daughters, the idiotic nitwits label a cheat.
Ellie Dent with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I
didn't sweat at the time"
=
Oh, what the...? That deluded Virginia Roberts (seen with Epstein) who I called a witch, said I sweat. But I, I am the
monarch's legitimate son. Accept it.
Ellie Dent with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
Helicopter pilot Andrew discussed that...that health issue, in mitigation, with media on TV. What a terrible decision - which became Sweat-gate!
Ellie Dent with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
Oh, what? Got it! I can't perspire...it's a little alibi! The choicest white, custom-made and aged shirts do remain white, albeit unwashed, when active.
Ellie Dent with:
There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time
=
Oh, I'm aghast! I wasn't there. I didn't do it. I was with Beatrice. The tales which report that I sweat? Misleading.
Deceptive. So, I'm clean...untouchable.
Ellie Dent with:
There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time
=
I lie. That said, as I'm the monarch's second son, with wealth, and with the public attitude I get toward war heroes, I believe I might escape, intact.
Jesse Frankovich with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time." =
Indeed, with ease we see a tactic we might set with a speech Churchill said in wartime, that is, "I have nothing to impart but blood, toil, and tears."
John Murray with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time."
=
Wow, what a waspish, elitist oath! It's with these detestable eccentricities in mind that I've been lined up to do a Right Guard commercial. Ha ha!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
This armpit twaddle which I dictate, is it a better lie than that I won't touch a woman Epstein deems is underage with his alcoholic beverages?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
This armpit twaddle that I cite, is it a better lie than is 'I won't touch alcoholic beverages and underage dame whom Epstein wishes I chat with'?
Rosie Perera with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time"
=
Prince Andrew's choice wit implies: "I...ah...I'm caught without alibi. I got sweat all over the white dress she had on at that time. It can be DNA-tested."
Rosie Perera with:
There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time=
Ah, I didn't at the time, but now I'm in a huge sweat over being dropped as the elite state aristocrat. Shit, it's a climactic end which I saw. Oh well, eh?
Tony Crafter with:
"There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time."
=
"I admit, being a wartime helicopter pilot was wretched at times, and we believe this caused the anhidrosis." ('Hit! That oughta clinch it, no sweat!')
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
A silly but accurate guide on how to recognize famous painters by their exceptional artwork:
1. Jan van Eyck
2. Salvador Dali
3. Rembrandt van Rijn
4. Hieronymus Bosch
5. Pablo Picasso
6. Leonardo da Vinci
7. Edgar Degas
8. Edouard Manet
9. Michelangelo
10. Pierre-Auguste Renoir
11. Oscar-Claude Monet
12. Titian (Tiziano Vecellio)
13. Piet Mondrian
14. Pieter Bruegel the Elder
15. Caravaggio (Michelangelo Merisi)
16. Peter Paul Rubens
17. Frida Kahlo
18. El Greco (Domenikos Theotokopoulos)
19. Francois Boucher
=
If everyone looks like:
1. Putin (ladies do too!)
2. A cool acid trip vision
3. A poor hobo under a dim street lamp
4. A nude acrobat
5. A major handicap
6. A curly-hair virgin
7. A ballerina clone
8. Grim partiers in scattered light
9. Muscular men
10. Jollier partiers in scattered light
11. No one seen in scattered light
12. A tortured face on a dark background
13. A vivid colour on Excel as a base
14. Average people
15. Meek cow-eyed men
16. Humongous booties
17. One huge unibrow
18. A long grizzly face
19. Cherubim or sheep
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The Top Ten Stinkiest Cheeses in the World
10. Taleggio
9. Stilton
8. Stinking Bishop
7. Limburger
6. Roquefort
5. Brie de Meaux
4. Epoisses
3. Muenster / Munster
2. Camembert
1. Pont l'Eveque
=
10. Fetid socks
9. It smelt rich (bit like semen)
8. Pig's bumhole
7. Urine
6. Poop
5. Gents' Toilet
4. Even banned on the bus/train!
3. Sumo wrestler's armpit
2. Grotesque
1. Grotesque in the extreme!
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charity that comes his way. The local animal shelter knows he has a dog, and they think that this could be their way into his wallet.
They go to his door and he answers, "What do you want?"
One of the ladies replies, "Hello, Mr. Smith. We know you are very wealthy and we know you also never give to charity. Wouldn't you enjoy giving back to an organization that helps dogs much like your own?"
Adie Pena with:
The Six Top-Rated Attractions and Places in Colorado, USA
- Rocky Mountain
- Mesa Verde
- Garden of the Gods
- Durango and the Silverton Narrow Gauge Railway
- Great Sand Dunes
- Mount Evans=
The Great Wall of Colorado is a grand structure, President Trump guarantees.
Americans gain an advantage. So no heavy guards, no need to drive towards
sunny Mexico...so thanks to Donald!
The lawyer looks her dead in the eye and replies:
"Did you know that both my parents are suffering from life-threatening illnesses?
~
Nonagenarian, weak and inactive anyway, you see, have ongoing vital medical bills...way, way times their own average income."
The lady replies awkwardly: "No. Oh, well...so anyway I..."
He interrupts her sorrowfully: "Look, did you also know my sister Olive's weedy naval husband left her and two kids with zero, without a roof over their heads?"
Stuttering, she replies, "No...What, um...Oh my..."
"And my brother John too, shot once in the war, lost a leg," the lawyer continues. At this point, all the good folk from the shelter, clearly shaken, are saying nothing.
Then he says: "If they don't get a cent, why do you think you might?"
David Bourke with:
A German man, driving in his Audi in a red light district, stops his car, and approaches a lady of the night. He says to her, "Excuse me, but I vish to buy ze sex viz you".
"OK," says the girl. "I charge twenty pounds an hour".
The German replies, "Ist goot...but I must varn you zat I am a leettle kinky."
"Well, that's no problem", she replies cautiously. "I can do a little kinky".
And so off they drive, to the girl's apartment, where the German produces four large bedsprings, and an Acme duck caller, and says, "I vant please zat you attach ze springs to each of your hans und of ze knees".
The girl finds this request most odd, but she complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and her knees. "Next, you vill please get down onto your hans und knees."
~
Undaunted, she duly does it, balancing precariously on the springs. "You vill please to blow into zis kwacker, as I make ze love to you."
Although she finds it perhaps sordid and perverted, she supposes it's harmless fun (provided the crazy kraut is paying for it). She finds the sex fantastic, as she is spanked ragged, and energetically mounted, and bounced over the room by the dirty German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The stunning climax is the most sensational, torrid orgasm of any that she ever experienced, and it's several minutes until she has enough breath to say, "That was truly amazing!", before asking "What do you call that position?"
"Ah yes," says the German, paying her. "Zat is ze Four-Sprung Duck Technique!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
A silly but accurate guide on how to recognize famous painters by their exceptional artwork:
1. Jan van Eyck
2. Salvador Dali
3. Rembrandt van Rijn
4. Hieronymus Bosch
5. Pablo Picasso
6. Leonardo da Vinci
7. Edgar Degas
8. Edouard Manet
9. Michelangelo
10. Pierre-Auguste Renoir
11. Oscar-Claude Monet
12. Titian (Tiziano Vecellio)
13. Piet Mondrian
14. Pieter Bruegel the Elder
15. Caravaggio (Michelangelo Merisi)
16. Peter Paul Rubens
17. Frida Kahlo
18. El Greco (Domenikos Theotokopoulos)
19. Francois Boucher
=
If everyone looks like:
1. Putin (ladies do too!)
2. A cool acid trip vision
3. A poor hobo under a dim street lamp
4. A nude acrobat
5. A major handicap
6. A curly-hair virgin
7. A ballerina clone
8. Grim partiers in scattered light
9. Muscular men
10. Jollier partiers in scattered light
11. No one seen in scattered light
12. A tortured face on a dark background
13. A vivid colour on Excel as a base
14. Average people
15. Meek cow-eyed men
16. Humongous booties
17. One huge unibrow
18. A long grizzly face
19. Cherubim or sheep
Ellie Dent with:
A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charity that comes his way. The local animal shelter knows he has a dog, and they think that this could be their way into his wallet.
They go to his door and he answers, "What do you want?"
One of the ladies replies, "Hello, Mr. Smith. We know you are very wealthy and we know you also never give to charity. Wouldn't you enjoy giving back to an organization that helps dogs much like your own?"
The lawyer looks her dead in the eye and replies:
"Did you know that both my parents are suffering from life-threatening illnesses?
~
Nonagenarian, weak and inactive anyway, you see, have ongoing vital medical bills...way, way times their own average income."
The lady replies awkwardly: "No. Oh, well...so anyway I..."
He interrupts her sorrowfully: "Look, did you also know my sister Olive's weedy naval husband left her and two kids with zero, without a roof over their heads?"
Stuttering, she replies, "No...What, um...Oh my..."
"And my brother John too, shot once in the war, lost a leg," the lawyer continues. At this point, all the good folk from the shelter, clearly shaken, are saying nothing.
Then he says: "If they don't get a cent, why do you think you might?"
Rosie Perera with:
"I WANT NOTHING. I WANT NOTHING. I WANT NO QUID PRO QUO. TELL ZELLINSKY TO DO THE RIGHT THING. THIS IS THE FINAL WORD FROM THE PRES OF THE U.S."
=
How the Internet turns know-nothing Donald's quote thing into a Ramones song! Quite the zippy thrill. I'd follow it with high tariffs.
Tony Crafter with:
The Top Ten Stinkiest Cheeses in the World
10. Taleggio
9. Stilton
8. Stinking Bishop
7. Limburger
6. Roquefort
5. Brie de Meaux
4. Epoisses
3. Muenster / Munster
2. Camembert
1. Pont l'Eveque
=
10. Fetid socks
9. It smelt rich (bit like semen)
8. Pig's bumhole
7. Urine
6. Poop
5. Gents' Toilet
4. Even banned on the bus/train!
3. Sumo wrestler's armpit
2. Grotesque
1. Grotesque in the extreme!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
BAKER STREET
Gerry Rafferty
Winding your way down on Baker Street
Light in your head and dead on your feet
Well, another crazy day
You'll drink the night away
And forget about everything
This city desert makes you feel so cold
It's got so many people, but it's got no soul
And it's taken you so long
To find out you were wrong
When you thought it held everything
You used to think that it was so easy
You used to say that it was so easy
But you're trying, you're trying now
Another year and then you'd be happy
Just one more year and then you'd be happy
But you're crying, you're crying now
Way down the street there's a light in his place
He opens the door, he's got that look on his face
And he asks you where you've been
You tell him who you've seen
And you talk about anything
He's got this dream about buying some land
He's gonna give up the booze and the one-night stands
And then he'll settle down
In some quiet little town
And forget about everything
But you know he'll always keep moving
You know he's never gonna stop moving
'Cause he's rolling, he's the rolling stone
And when you wake up, it's a new morning
The sun is shining, it's a new morning
And you're going, you're going home
=
ODE TO A LONDON INN
By
A geeky poet (a no-one)
The Metropolitan in Baker Street
Is where those Anagrammy groupies meet,
When a foreign guest hits town,
You Brit guys go on down,
To see them for a drink or ten.
You try the house beers and you chew the fat
About everythin' and this 'n' that,
Then the night goes by and you
Announce your latest news,
Then soon you take your photographs.
Julian, Zoran and you, Meyran Kraus,
You've been along to this good public house,
Plus Larry Brash and Andrew Brehaut too.
Mick Tully, you had funny tales to tell,
Mike Keith, Lardy Girl, Fat Phil as well,
William Tunstall-Pedoe, yes, you too!
David Bourke, always a guiding light,
Chris Sturdy's sinking yeasty booze all night,
Then Tony C, who got pie-eyed,
Yet stayed on for the ride,
Though wondering how he would get home.
In London town they're used to nutty sights,
But none like this nutty event tonight,
Adie Pena with:
THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA
by Damien Wong
Chinese slaves place their stones,
Breaking muscles and bones.
Defending its territory,
It shines in pitiful glory.
Yet this wall stands tall,
To defend those whom befall.
Those dark days have passed,
And now united at last.
=
THE GREAT FALL OF CHINA
Hell now doesn't give a damn,
Oust this senseless Carrie Lam!
Noisy nimbleness in the city,
Gritty steadfastness and no pity.
Keep up with the new brass.
Oddly defend; kill the tear gas!
Not to be a chained vassal,
Go for sudden bill withdrawal!
As geeky, word-nerd fans
Invent new anagrams
About every- and any-thing.
Oh, you know they were such good guys,
Yes in every way they were such good guys,
And everyone is easygoing too.
We quit the venue and soon say our goodnights,
Yes, it's been fun a truly happy night,
Now we're goin', we are goin' home.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
NOVEMBER
Is November the best month of the year? Probably. The clocks have just gone back so every day feels like a lie-in, it is officially okay to start getting excited about Christmas and, well, FIREWORKS! We love you, November, so let us count the ways.
1. No one expects you to get up now and go out to lame, muddy festivals or come back from a week off with a story about how you fell in love with a Mexican barman and made love on Puerto Vallarta beach. Telling your colleagues you had a lovely weekend eating jacket potatoes, drinking hot chocolate and watching all the Back To The Futures in a row is greeted with nods of approval, rather than stern judgemental looks.
2. Dumplings. Ah, Casserole, how we have missed you!
3. Movember – the only time you can grow a moustache and have an excuse for looking like a 70s TV presenter.
4. Yes, it is freezing – a magnificent freezing apocalypse sent to rain down death and destruction on every last one of those bloody giant spiders.
5. T-lights. Yes, it's time to get all Anna Karenina, but with faux fur.
6. The blinding sunshine and blue skies of a November morning. Oh, why don't we ever get this in summer?
7. Fireworks let off all through this month because someone you know ordered a job lot and is having a trial run and doesn't intend to waste any.
8. Christmas sandwiches, turkey trimmings.
9. Reverting to your teenager's make-up - GOLD! SCENTED! GLITTERING!
~
10. Feeling like an Olympian when you go for a run, because half the usual fitness devotees have chickened out, wearied, to vegetate. How can you not love it!
11. Buying up the entire stock of M&S sixty denier jet-black tights and merrily throwing away your razor (until the Xmas party season).
12. Channeling your inner meek, Victorian school ma'am look, complete with the sexy-as-hell button boots.
13. Dark evenings - where you no longer leave home for a big night out, done up like a hooker, wearing full make-up in broad daylight.
14. Cinnamon, clove, gunpowder, frost and crunchy leaves.
15. Melting marshmallows, that you love, into every one of your hot drinks at night. Oh, boy!
16. Christmas markets with twinkly lights, to enjoy: see common, wanted gifts; gawk at a cheesecake, see vintage sweets and homemade jam. Even better, an evening-long welcome excuse to drink booze, mulled wine or hot cider, at them.
17. The grass becomes frost bedewed. Log fires, bonfires.
18. Cadbury's hot, sweet tinned puddings and Bird's custard, or Ambrosia if pushing the boat out.
19. Fog - nature's tulle.
20. Totally guilt-free shopping, as most is for devoted friends, relatives and family. You are in the black, to boot! And, the January credit card bill of doom seems years away!
21. Putting on a new silk feel vest - a VEST! - velvet skirt, winter coat, gloves, a faux fur hat and stole, boots. Anna Karenina to a tee!
Lastly...
Santa's coming to town. Whoopee!
3rd - Adie Pena with:
THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA
by Damien Wong
Chinese slaves place their stones,
Breaking muscles and bones.
Defending its territory,
It shines in pitiful glory.
Yet this wall stands tall,
To defend those whom befall.
Those dark days have passed,
And now united at last.
=
THE GREAT FALL OF CHINA
Hell now doesn't give a damn,
Oust this senseless Carrie Lam!
Noisy nimbleness in the city,
Gritty steadfastness and no pity.
Keep up with the new brass.
Oddly defend; kill the tear gas!
Not to be a chained vassal,
Go for sudden bill withdrawal!
Ellie Dent with:
NOVEMBER
Is November the best month of the year? Probably. The clocks have just gone back so every day feels like a lie-in, it is officially okay to start getting excited about Christmas and, well, FIREWORKS! We love you, November, so let us count the ways.
1. No one expects you to get up now and go out to lame, muddy festivals or come back from a week off with a story about how you fell in love with a Mexican barman and made love on Puerto Vallarta beach. Telling your colleagues you had a lovely weekend eating jacket potatoes, drinking hot chocolate and watching all the Back To The Futures in a row is greeted with nods of approval, rather than stern judgemental looks.
2. Dumplings. Ah, Casserole, how we have missed you!
3. Movember – the only time you can grow a moustache and have an excuse for looking like a 70s TV presenter.
4. Yes, it is freezing – a magnificent freezing apocalypse sent to rain down death and destruction on every last one of those bloody giant spiders.
5. T-lights. Yes, it's time to get all Anna Karenina, but with faux fur.
6. The blinding sunshine and blue skies of a November morning. Oh, why don't we ever get this in summer?
7. Fireworks let off all through this month because someone you know ordered a job lot and is having a trial run and doesn't intend to waste any.
8. Christmas sandwiches, turkey trimmings.
9. Reverting to your teenager's make-up - GOLD! SCENTED! GLITTERING!
~
10. Feeling like an Olympian when you go for a run, because half the usual fitness devotees have chickened out, wearied, to vegetate. How can you not love it!
11. Buying up the entire stock of M&S sixty denier jet-black tights and merrily throwing away your razor (until the Xmas party season).
12. Channeling your inner meek, Victorian school ma'am look, complete with the sexy-as-hell button boots.
13. Dark evenings - where you no longer leave home for a big night out, done up like a hooker, wearing full make-up in broad daylight.
14. Cinnamon, clove, gunpowder, frost and crunchy leaves.
15. Melting marshmallows, that you love, into every one of your hot drinks at night. Oh, boy!
16. Christmas markets with twinkly lights, to enjoy: see common, wanted gifts; gawk at a cheesecake, see vintage sweets and homemade jam. Even better, an evening-long welcome excuse to drink booze, mulled wine or hot cider, at them.
17. The grass becomes frost bedewed. Log fires, bonfires.
18. Cadbury's hot, sweet tinned puddings and Bird's custard, or Ambrosia if pushing the boat out.
19. Fog - nature's tulle.
20. Totally guilt-free shopping, as most is for devoted friends, relatives and family. You are in the black, to boot! And, the January credit card bill of doom seems years away!
21. Putting on a new silk feel vest - a VEST! - velvet skirt, winter coat, gloves, a faux fur hat and stole, boots. Anna Karenina to a tee!
Lastly...
Santa's coming to town. Whoopee!
Tony Crafter with:
BAKER STREET
Gerry Rafferty
Winding your way down on Baker Street
Light in your head and dead on your feet
Well, another crazy day
You'll drink the night away
And forget about everything
This city desert makes you feel so cold
It's got so many people, but it's got no soul
And it's taken you so long
To find out you were wrong
When you thought it held everything
You used to think that it was so easy
You used to say that it was so easy
But you're trying, you're trying now
Another year and then you'd be happy
Just one more year and then you'd be happy
But you're crying, you're crying now
Way down the street there's a light in his place
He opens the door, he's got that look on his face
And he asks you where you've been
You tell him who you've seen
And you talk about anything
He's got this dream about buying some land
He's gonna give up the booze and the one-night stands
And then he'll settle down
In some quiet little town
And forget about everything
But you know he'll always keep moving
You know he's never gonna stop moving
'Cause he's rolling, he's the rolling stone
And when you wake up, it's a new morning
The sun is shining, it's a new morning
And you're going, you're going home
=
ODE TO A LONDON INN
By
A geeky poet (a no-one)
The Metropolitan in Baker Street
Is where those Anagrammy groupies meet,
When a foreign guest hits town,
You Brit guys go on down,
To see them for a drink or ten.
You try the house beers and you chew the fat
About everythin' and this 'n' that,
Then the night goes by and you
Announce your latest news,
Then soon you take your photographs.
Julian, Zoran and you, Meyran Kraus,
You've been along to this good public house,
Plus Larry Brash and Andrew Brehaut too.
Mick Tully, you had funny tales to tell,
Mike Keith, Lardy Girl, Fat Phil as well,
William Tunstall-Pedoe, yes, you too!
David Bourke, always a guiding light,
Chris Sturdy's sinking yeasty booze all night,
Then Tony C, who got pie-eyed,
Yet stayed on for the ride,
Though wondering how he would get home.
In London town they're used to nutty sights,
But none like this nutty event tonight,
As geeky, word-nerd fans
Invent new anagrams
About every- and any-thing.
Oh, you know they were such good guys,
Yes in every way they were such good guys,
And everyone is easygoing too.
We quit the venue and soon say our goodnights,
Yes, it's been fun a truly happy night,
Now we're goin', we are goin' home.
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Those beautiful breasts =
These fabulous bare tits.
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The boy sticks a finger up his nose =
He's pickin' out nasty fresh bogies.
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Boris Johnson: "Unleash Britain's potential" =
Bullshitter on his job as an onanist opiner.
Adie Pena with:
A homosexual's paradise =
Heads up! Oral exam oasis.
Adrian Hickford with:
Those beautiful breasts =
These fabulous bare tits.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The boy sticks a finger up his nose =
He's pickin' out nasty fresh bogies.
John Murray with:
FactcheckUK =
Fuck the cack!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Boris Johnson: "Unleash Britain's potential" =
Bullshitter on his job as an onanist opiner.
Tony Crafter with:
I see lewd, disgraceful behaviour in an orgy =
I swear one debaucher laid five young girls!
View with:
Camile Kostek =
So, take...lick me!