1st - Tony Crafter with:
Pot causes ~
space-outs.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Rome was not built in a day =
No, but it was a minor delay.
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Going as white as a sheet =
It's when I see a-a-a g-ghost... :-0
Larry Brash with:
Disability pensioners =
Possibility end is near.
Adie Pena with:
I'm at risk in ~
a miniskirt.
Josiah Winslow with:
Laughter is the best medicine =
It's been the medical use, right?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Every cloud has a silver lining =
All grey cover's a veil sun hid in
Dharam Khalsa with:
The vegetarian's diet =
She'd eat vinaigrette.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Old habits die hard =
I do as birth had led
Josiah Winslow with:
Incomprehensible =
Problem: In Chinese!
Christopher Davis with:
False sense of security =
A useless office sentry.
View with:
Balms to help her ~
health problems.
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Emotional dissonance =
I am one cold sensation.
Julian Lofts with:
Diving in shark infested waters =
Naive nerds risking swift death.
John Ramos with:
I want ~
a twin.
Rosie Perera with:
I contrive one fact in ~
creative non-fiction.
Josiah Winslow with:
A supremacist =
I'm cast as "pure".
Josiah Winslow with:
Nocturnal animals =
All can't roam in sun!
Meyran Kraus with:
Teen memories =
Eerie moments.
Josiah Winslow with:
Choking's ~
shocking.
Josiah Winslow with:
Extra-Sensory Perception =
Not past experience, sorry.
Ellie Dent with:
The glorious Autumn =
That luminous rouge!
Tom Myers with:
Toasted the bride =
I detest the broad
Tom Myers with:
End of the line =
Life done then.
David Bourke with:
Calories again defeat ~
ladies of a certain age!
1st - Adie Pena with:
Pink Floyd's "The Dark Side of the Moon" =
Some kind of odd, freaky shit on the LP!
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Number One ATP Tennis player in the world =
When Murray appoints I. Lendl, none better!
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Documentary series 'Planet Earth II' =
Aim to display secret Nature in here.
Tony Crafter with:
Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey's 'When You Believe' =
Diva honeys whine in harmony (Watch YouTube release).
Rosie Perera with:
"Being right sucks" -- The Simpsons =
The Boss? Sigh. Trump's sickening!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Movie based on author J.K. Rowling's "Fantastic Beasts" =
Goblins from Newt's suitcase have joint task abroad.
Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's series: Houses of Parliament =
Some sun - or loss - is featured in Palace theme.
Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's Le Parlement, soleil couchant =
I recall lone palace, cloud... the moment sun set.
1st - David Bourke with:
Desperate times call for desperate measures =
Tears, some real deep fears, as Trump is elected.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Castro dies ~
Ostracised
3rd - Christopher Davis with:
An idiot invaded ~
a divided nation.
Rob Bretveld with:
Comey revelation warns: ~
A new e-mail controversy?
Josiah Winslow with:
Election on Tuesday, November Eight =
Need the ambiguity, or not even close?
Julian Lofts with:
Melania Trump gives rare speech =
Cheer supreme plagiarist maven.
Christopher Davis with:
Presidential race stirs emotions =
Secrets, lies, a riot and prison time!
Josiah Winslow with:
The US Presidential elections =
Upset! It is real close in the end!
View with:
Tension between U.S. and Russia =
Intense uneasiness? Doubt? - War!
Rick Rothstein with:
The American voters, ~
"The race? Man, it's over!"
Adie Pena with:
United States election =
See a destitute Clinton.
Meyran Kraus with:
The Donald won the American vote? =
Then we move north to idle Canada!
Julian Lofts with:
God bless America =
A grim debacle. SOS!
Josiah Winslow with:
Twenty Sixteen Presidential contest =
Experts wanted Clinton, yet it is TENSE!
Rosie Perera with:
Donald Trump wins the presidency =
Dumpy Clinton in wrath, depressed.
Rosie Perera with:
Trump's victory speech =
It's over. Cry, pump chest.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Wednesday Ninth November, Two Thousand and Sixteen =
Vote ends; damned bastard won... Next White House ninny!
Jason Lofts with:
The acronym POTUS =
Trump (he's a tycoon).
Christopher Sturdy with:
POTUS ~
pouts.
Rosie Perera with:
Trump's White House =
Mess-up without Her.
Julian Lofts with:
'Not my President' =
Portends enmity.
Tony Crafter with:
Donald Trump is the USA's new President Elect =
Silence. It appears the muted world's stunned.
View with:
"Not my President" =
Tip: deny monster!
Julian Lofts with:
Impeach Trump! =
Primate. Chump!
Josiah Winslow with:
The supermoon =
Up more tons, eh?
Julian Lofts with:
President loath to
deport the Latinos.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Don't blame me, I voted for Bernie Sanders =
And, as reminded, lost it before November!
Rosie Perera with:
"Secure the border" =
Curse "other" breed.
Ellie Dent with:
So, Donald Trump is the President Elect =
Predict storm, dissent ... and hell toupee.
David Bourke with:
The president-elect of the United States of America =
He's this piece of utter faecal matter....it's not needed.
Dharam Khalsa with:
White supremacy =
We-they racism up.
Rob Bretveld with:
(sighs at President) =
That is depressing. :(
View with:
President-elect Donald Trump =
Demented, corrupt and ill pest.
Josiah Winslow with:
#notmypresident =
Typed in "monster"!
Josiah Winslow with:
US dementia rates drop twenty-four percent =
Country, we need a test for a President Trump!
Josiah Winslow with:
Two Thousand Sixteen =
Tedious, no? What's next?
David Bourke with:
Thanksgiving Day in the United States of America ~
and a fantastic turkey gives them indigestion. Ha!
Julian Lofts with:
The Black Friday sales =
Deaths by rifles, alack.
Christopher Davis with:
Fidel Castro, Cuba's leader of revolution, dies =
Enforced a dubious federal socialist revolt
Meyran Kraus with:
Dumbest president? =
Sensed it'd be Trump.
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
US presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton =
The e-mail scandal and story did her political run in.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Late singer Leonard Cohen =
Angels lead the crooner in.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Prince Harry and actress Meghan Markle =
Merrymaker chap and a girl enchantress.
David Bourke with:
Christian Tage Forter Wolmar =
Arse-water trial forthcoming!
View with:
The First Lady Melania Trump =
Truth: simply radiant female
Ellie Dent with:
First Lady Melania =
It's a dream, finally!
Rick Rothstein with:
The First Lady Melania Trump, ~
"I am slim, pretty and heartful."
Rosie Perera with:
White House Chief Strategist Stephen Bannon =
Finite chap thought "whites are best." Nonsense!
Dharam Khalsa with:
The German Chancellor Angela Dorothea Merkel =
Mean remark on her large dicolleti: "Hang a cloth!"
Josiah Winslow with:
The American President Donald Trump =
Damn toddler must hire an "Apprentice".
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Thanksgiving Day in the United States of America =
This time is festive - go hungry and take an antacid!
2nd - Rob Bretveld with:
A church of Scientology =
Con, fool, cheat rich guys.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Missing Persons Bureau ~
reports human being issues.
David Bourke with:
The President of the United States of America =
She coasted it! Trump defeat! The nation is free!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Portsmouth
=
Shoot Trump
Rosie Perera with:
Trump University, California =
Our private criminality's fun!
Julian Lofts with:
The Trump Organisation means ~
orange hair mutant's nepotism.
Rob Bretveld with:
Breitbart News =
Web tribes rant.
View with:
The Islamic State =
Militates, cheats.
Rosie Perera with:
True case: Trump sees fit to undo the ~
Supreme Court of the United States.
Larry Brash with:
The Anagram Artist software =
A.A. has written great formats.
Ellie Dent with:
Museum National d'Histoire Naturelle, France =
Let's encounter the unfamiliar male dinosaur!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Beatles lineup:
1. Paul McCartney
2. George Harrison
3. Ringo Starr
4. John Lennon
=
Star northern gentlemen:
1. Sharp one
2. Spiritual one
3. Jolly one
4. Anarchic bugger
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
There was a hysterical call at the Boston fire department.
'PLEASE HELP! There is a cat. It is gonna hurt me, send
the fire squad!'
=
'It's safe. Cats don't deliberately hurt a man.'
'Queenie the cat is here and she's after me!'
'Who is that calling?'
'Peter's parrot. HELP!'
3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
President of the United States of America, Donald Trump =
Difficult person. Mouth open, said a retarded statement!
Adie Pena with:
Presidential election in the United States of America =
Realistic idea to see Clinton defeat the asinine Trump.
Adie Pena with:
The Chicago Cubs beat the Cleveland Indians to win World Series =
How it's given a renewed chance to ditch its old curse in baseball!
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Beatles:
1. Paul McCartney
2. George Harrison
3. Ringo Starr
4. John Lennon
=
1. Our heart-throb
2. Intelligent searcher
3. Jocose man
4. Angry song planner
Josiah Winslow with:
Omarosa Manigault: Every Critic, Every Detractor, Will Have To Bow Down To President Trump
=
The Supreme Sovereign Dictator Trump!
A civil war between all today, and victory tomorrow!
Dharam Khalsa with:
North Carolina KKK group to hold 'Victory Parade' for President-elect Donald Trump =
Advert in cold print for cloaked kooks to patrol rural county grid?! Apprehend them!!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Omarosa Manigault: 'Every Critic, Every Detractor, Will Have To Bow Down To President Trump'
=
With credit owed to virtues,
I cry, 'Regard my plan:
To protect moral values,
I never bow to a man!'
David Bourke with:
The President-elect of The United States of America, Donald J. Trump =
Update: Death's predicted. One term in office...just one term, that's all!
Christopher Davis with:
Students continue walkouts against President-elect Trump =
Odd picketing culture attempts instantaneous new results...
Dharam Khalsa with:
Remember the Fifties:
1. Peace and prosperity
2. Pres. Eisenhower
3. TV hits: I Love Lucy and Gunsmoke
4. Rosa Parks
5. Elvis Presley
=
1. Post-war era
2. "I Like Ike" fever
3. Short fun themes
4. She scored by passive resistance
5. Pimply teen: "My idol!"; Pop: "Vulgar sneerer!"
Rosie Perera with:
The Vice President-Elect gets to attend a performance of the epic Broadway musical "Hamilton"
=
Pence gets his comeuppance. Everyone in that more leftward cast dictated to him: "Be fair to all!"
David Bourke with:
The supermodel Chrissy Teigen at The American Music Awards in Los Angeles =
See caught on camera, in clear detail...Mrs Legend's pussy! (With no hair, it seems).
Christopher Davis with:
The remains of Amelia Earhart may have been Found on an island =
Human female aviator bones here in a sandy marine land; oh fate!
Christopher Davis with:
Massive natural gas pipeline explosion reported near Platte City =
Plant manager insists all people inside exit or evacuate property
Christopher Sturdy with:
"It is time for us to come together as one united people"
=
I'm Poisoned. Color out! Get it pure!
Enemies of the state!
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything". Premier, Joseph Stalin.
=
"I won't have to topple the USA with too much violence, changes or speeches... In the end, these people are going to topple it with their own hands". (The joke they've elected president)
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. Premier, Joseph Stalin."
=
THE (TAN) JOKER ELECT
"The votes're rigged!" said cynical Trump
When the politician thought he'd lose.
The opposite then happened, now it's:
"I won the vote - we've seen the people choose!"
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything." Premier Joseph Stalin
=
People may veto and reject
The high institution tasked to elect;
However, when the high Soviet head is suspect,
Or when honing in, a phone plot we detect,
People hope to reselect!
Rosie Perera with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. Premier, Joseph Stalin."
=
I woke up in hope, to see the vivid news that "shit happens". Oh no! Help! We're Trumped! (screwed). Gee, Electoral College! Can't they jettison the idiot, change the vote to his opponent, eh?
Dharam Khalsa with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything." Premier Joseph Stalin
=
Petition: When the electoral vote opposes the popular vote, they just insist on a wrestling match - no deep choking, no teeth - 'til the whipped ego, whichever one, has ceded (tee-hee).
Julian Lofts with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. Premier, Joseph Stalin."
=
Vladimir Putin's hotchpotch cronies joke he was elected the President in perpetuity. "Oh, see even the opponents hate how I won," he giggles. "Hah, we do love to elect the potentate."
Christopher Davis with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. Premier, Joseph Stalin."
=
The superdelegate elite henchmen weighed options without violence. They took opponent's, views, states, political record, hope. Then overnight, she happened to cheat the Jew.
View with:
It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. Premier Joseph Stalin=
See the sweep - weep like weepy sheep? Vote or no vote, it doesn't matter. Ugh, just ignore the candidates, the opponents and their political hotchpotch. We'll voice nothing. (he-he-he)
Josiah Winslow with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. Premier, Joseph Stalin."
=
"What do the people even have to lose?
Go elect courage, vote the new choice!"
- Trump
"The petty tweeter...HE is the President?
I hope he's kidding!
...he isn't?"
- Clinton
"What is Aleppo?"
- Johnson
Dharam Khalsa with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything." Premier Joseph Stalin
=
Clinton jockeyed a vote prevention;
Notice how she got the intervention!
She is detached or shallow;
He, the Great White Hope, is callow;
Denies he's the puppet -
Go meet the puppet!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything." Premier Joseph Stalin
=
Thanksgiving: The date 'We the People' vow to
Rejoice together, not touched with
Unprecedented heavy
Mirthlessness with the
Peoples' election opinions - To Health, Hope, Peace!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything." Premier Joseph Stalin
=
"People, give cash this weekend--tons! Help to initiate the select vote recounts to detect whitewashed Trump-Pence hoodoo! We have high hope!" Jill Stein, Green Party (on the phone)
Christopher Sturdy with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. Premier, Joseph Stalin."
=
A peevish thing happens when God's dejected
Leicester City:
No one took notice...
Pitch to leave Europe:
To show He's on High...
Power to That tit Trump???
I tell thee... we need Heaven's help!!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A teacher was talking to her class of five-year-old kiddies about whales.
She said it was impossible for whales to swallow human beings because, although they're very large in size, their throats are quite small.
One quizzical kiddie in front, Candice, put her hand up and said, "But poor old Jonah was swallowed by a whale wasn't he?"
As the teacher did not have a good reply to give the girl, she merely reaffirmed her assertion that it's physically impossible for whales to swallow humans.
Undeterred, Candice replied, 'When I get to Heaven I'm going to ask Mr. Jonah myself.'
'Okay, Candice' responded the now irritated teacher; 'and what if poor old Jonah went to Hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you can ask him.'
=
Janet, a blonde was whizzing down the highway in her swish little sports car when she was pulled over by a policewoman, who was also a blonde.
The female officer asked to see her driver's licence. As she delved through her handbag Janet was getting progressively more hot and irritated.
Hell, what's it actually look like? she asked, waspishly.
The policewoman said, "Well, it is usually square and it will have your picture on it."
Janet finally found a small, square mirror hidden at the bottom of her handbag. She peered at it for a second, then passed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "All right ma'am, you can go. I didnt realize you were a cop!
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Jerry, an old geezer who had been a retired farmer for a very long time, became bored and opened a medical clinic. He put a sign outside that said:
"Doctor Geezers Clinic - Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."
Dr. Young, who was sure that this old geezer didnt know anything about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to make an easy $1,000.
He walked into Dr. Geezers clinic.
This is what happened.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Do you think you can help me?"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Youngs mouth."
Dr. Young: "Aagh! You can't fool me - this is gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! Youve got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and leaves in a hurry. He's angry now and spends the next five days silently trying to figure out a way to recover his money, all $500!
~
When he has thought up a clever idea, he decides to make an appointment. He arrives back at the clinic of doddering Dr. Geezer.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember a thing."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring out medicine box 22 and put 3 undiluted drops in this patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: (whiff, cough) "Oh, no you don't - it is gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Wow! You got your memory back! And that will be $500."
Dr. Young, agitated and saddened after paying a total of $1000, doesn't return for several days.
Dr. Young: "It's my eyesight weakening. I cannot see a darned thing!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, we don't have anything that will help fix eyes. As per policy, here's all $1000 back."
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, that is incorrect - this is only $500!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Moral of the story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer".
3rd - Julian Lofts with:
The Key Players in the Brexit Disaster
1. Boris Johnson
2. Angela Merkel
3. Francois Hollande
4. Nicola Sturgeon
5. Nigel Farage
6. David Cameron
7. Theresa May
=
1. A fervid xenophobe
2. A sullen German
3. A gay Frenchman
4. A Scottish joke
5. Idiot's an intolerable redneck
6. A slimy Tory, a real ditherer
7. An English ogress.
Julian Lofts with:
The Key Players in the Brexit Disaster
1. Boris Johnson
2. Angela Merkel
3. Francois Hollande
4. Nicola Sturgeon
5. Nigel Farage
6. David Cameron
7. Theresa May
=
1. A fervid xenophobe. He's a rat
2. A sullen German
3. A slimy Frenchman
4. A Scottish joke
5. Intolerable redneck, an idiot
6. A greedy Tory liar
7. An English ogress.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Pablo Diego Josi Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno Marma de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santmsima Trinidad Ruiz y Picasso
=
I came across a ridiculous, long name.
No one is jealous or impressed, I'd say.
Unappreciated, I did a job application form in a daze!
Josiah Winslow with:
Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but thats no matter tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther.... And one fine morning
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
=
Gatsby's dream of Daisy connects to the green light at the end of the water; close to him, but still far between.
Daisy, as her reaction, went the safer route. But Gatsby's unbroken.
A real dream of love burns, but there were genuine barriers to secure it.
The moral?
You can't return to things past.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Famous lines from The Princess Bride
1. Inconceivable!
2. As you wish
3. Theres not a lot of money in revenge
4. Never get involved in a land war in Asia
5. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday
6. My ways not very sportsman-like
7. I hate for people to die embarrassed
=
1. It does not mean what you think it means
2. Westley is shoved downhill by Buttercup
3. Inigo Montoya's career
4. Impressive game of reason
5. Wan friar of marriage ceremony
6. Sweet overdeveloped giant's observation
7. Fearless villain on weapons-based dying
Snafu I'll Jot with:
Some Supporters of Donald Trump
1. Melania
2. Mike Pence
3. Ivanka
4. Paul Ryan
5. Reince Priebus
6. Sarah Palin
7. Ben Carson
8. Piers Morgan
9. Peter Thiel
10. Donald Rumsfeld
11. Newt Gingrich
12. Lou Ferrigno
13. Ku Klux Klan
14. Mike Tyson
15. General Robert C. Oaks
16. Scott Adams
17. Marine Le Pen
=
Appalling Orange Mr President (MORON!!) "I lied!"
1. Model wife
2. VP
3. Me? Pop's "spunky" daughter
4. Speaker
5. Chairman
6. Alaskan
7. Black neurosurgeon
8. UK
9. Entrepreneur
10. Defence
11. Congressman
12. 'Hulk'
13. Supremacists
14. Animal-like boxer
15. Military
16. Cartoons ('Dilbert')
17. National Front
Dharam Khalsa with:
Remember the Forties:
1. Pearl Harbor
2. Bing Crosby and Betty Grable
3. Slinky and Silly Putty
4. Saddle shoes and rolled-up jeans
5. Jitterbug and Jukeboxes
=
1. Bombs injure, but fallout shall bring glory (and a bride!)
2. Legendary stars shine
3. Desired toys
4. Bobby socks, patent leather
5. Jump, jerk; extended replay
HSP with:
Occam's Razor:
"When you find two competing theories that make exactly the same predictions, business centres call their simpler ideas better."
=
Trump's Razor:
"Go see my memo: Examine the stupidest possible scenario that can be reconciled with the facts and it is likely the correct answer."
Snafu I'll Jot with:
The film 'Deliverance' is a Warner Brothers film directed by John Boorman:
Jon Voight is Ed Gentry
Burt Reynolds is Lewis Medlock
Ned Beatty is Bobby Trippe
Ronny Cox is Drew Ballinger
Ed Ramey is Old Man
Billy Redden is Banjo Boy
Bill McKinney is Mountain Man
Herbert 'Cowboy' Coward is Toothless Man
James Dickey is Sheriff Bullard
Macon McCalman is Arthur Queen
Some famous lines include:
"I bet you can squeal like a pig!! Weeeeee!"
"You ever had your balls cut off you fucking ape?"
"He got a real pretty mouth, ain't he."
"Them panties. Take 'em off!"
"Talk about genetic deficiencies - isn't that pitiful?"
"No matter what disasters may occur in other parts of the world... or whatever petty little problems arise in Atlanta... no one can find us up here."
=
The nightmare 'American Election' - a quixotic victory for shithead white US menfolk.
Nemeses:
Bloody Donald Trump - the adulterous, tyrannical madman, an abominable billionaire - scrabbled to be your omnipotent President
Mike Pence - Vice President. Why? A homophobic biblical fundamentalist
Steve Bannon - bullshit Strategist with very low IQ, duh!
Reince Preibus - No lefty - could be Chief of Staff
Jeff Sessions - your Man of (In)Justice
Bloody General James Mattis - may be Secretary of War. "Defeat enemy - nuke 'em!"
Mitt Romney - uneducated, may be Secretary of State (truth!)
Bloody Jared Kushner - loyal son-in-law and political sorcerer's apprentice.
"I cherish women." OK!
"They're bringing drugs...They're rapists." OK!
"I will build a great wall." OK!
Snafu I'll Jot with:
In a statement, Mr Trump said that while Cuba remained "a totalitarian island, it is my hope that today marks a move away from the horrors endured for too long, and toward a future in which the wonderful Cuban people finally live in the freedom they so richly deserve".
=
In reply, Mr Castro countered "Oh wow! I'm horrified the fate of America rested on that totally ridiculous, depraved, libidinous, spray-tanned entertainer with that mammoth furry toupee and an illegal Slovenian overstayer wife. Hmm, that wolf's a dumb donkey! Hahaha!"
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Robert Frost's poem 'My November Guest'
My sorrow, when shes here with me,
Thinks these dark days of autumn rain
Are beautiful as days can be;
She loves the bare, the withered tree;
She walks the sodden pasture lane.
Her pleasure will not let me stay.
She talks and I am fain to list:
Shes glad the birds are gone away,
Shes glad her simple worsted gray
Is silver now with clinging mist.
The desolate, deserted trees,
The faded earth, the heavy sky,
The beauties she so truly sees,
She thinks I have no eye for these,
And vexes me for reason why.
Not yesterday I learned to know
The love of bare November days
Before the coming of the snow,
But it were vain to tell her so,
And they are better for her praise.
=
The November Abyss
By god, the fall seems warm today.
It's been that way for weeks and weeks.
The wholesome weather's here to stay;
The sky shall offer no brief spray.
It's very pure and far from bleak.
Where are the signs the cold is near -
The toughest winter storms I've seen
With gusts and rumbles so severe,
They stoke the most appalling fear?
Now nature's soberly serene...
And yet, when I survey the whole,
Some things here seem so very odd:
The mice don't dare to take a stroll,
The foxes hide deep in their holes.
There seems to be a vague facade.
And though the air is still and dry,
I shiver when I brave the fall
And sense it's harder to deny:
There IS a storm; we're in her eye,
And it's about to break us all.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
NELLIE THE ELEPHANT
To Bombay
A traveling circus came
They brought an intelligent elephant
And Nellie was her name
One dark night
She slipped her iron chain
And off she ran to Hindustan
And was never seen again
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And said goodbye to the circus
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And trundled back to the jungle
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
Night by night
She danced to the circus band
When Nellie was leading the big parade
She looked so proud and grand
No more tricks
For Nellie to perform
They taught her how to take a bow
And she took the crowd by storm
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And said goodbye to the circus
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And trundled back to the jungle
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
The head of the herd was calling
Far, far away
They met one night in the silver light
On the road to Mandalay
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And said goodbye to the circus
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And trundled back to the jungle
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And said goodbye to the circus
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And trundled back to the jungle
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
=
TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP
(Marking the strange, new event)
From New York
An entrepreneur came,
To join the Presidential race
And Donald was the name.
People laughed
At that dyed orange bloke,
Hillary Clinton laughed the most
And thought the man a joke!
Now Mrs Clinton is beaten, numb,
It's funny how things can work out,
She kept her head but blew the vote,
Trumped, Trumped, Trumped!
Hillary tearfully packed her trunk
Then grunted, "Ok, I'm leaving:
This female's emails cost her dear,
Trumped, Trumped, Trumped."
The battle had
Been bitter, with each attack,
Clinton threw the dirt at Trump
And Trump threw dirt right back!
Election time,
The rednecks held the key,
The ballot papers then were checked,
The rest is history.
Petulant Hillary flipped a bird,
Announced, "I'm gone, I'm departing,
The race is run, the wrong man won,
Tut, tut, tut."
Peppery Hillary packed her trunk,
Growled, "Humph! Farewell to that circus!"
Then jetted off in a state of shock,
Humph, humph, humph!
The people they had spoken
That's plain to see;
The trumpets trumpeted, Trump'd won,
(But, gee, how could that be?)
Hillary egg-on-face packed her trunk
And bade farewell to the people,
Frankly thumped by tuppenny Trump,
Thump, thump, thump.
Hillary proffered a final shrug,
Then skulked off into the sunset;
Triumphant Trump, his fist he pumped,
Pump, pump, pump.
Rejected Hillary packed her trunk,
And Trump ranted, "Get outta my gang,
Don't remain here, turn and blow,
Turn, turn, turn."
Then he went on twitter to tell the world,
"I'm President, now we can party,
Conflict, race-hate warfare, guns and
Fun, fun, fun!"
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
VINCE'S FUNERAL
Vince worked hard at the Phone Company, but spent two nights each week ten-pin bowling, and played golf on a Saturday. His wife, Maxine, thought he was pushing himself too hard so, for his birthday, she took him to a local strip club.
The club's doorman greeted them and said, "Hey, Vince! How's it going?"
His wife was perplexed and asked if he'd been to this club before. "Oh no," replied, Vince, "Jim is in my bowling league."
When they were seated, the waitress asked Vince if he'd like his usual and fetched him a Jack Daniels and ice. Maxine was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and said, "How did she know you drink Jack Daniels and ice?"
"Oh, I recognize her; she's Joanne the waitress from my golf club. I always order a Jack Daniels and ice at the end of the 1st nine holes, honey."
A stripper then came over to their table, threw her arms around Vince, started to drape herself all over him and said ... "Hi Vince. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Maxine, now furious, snatched up her purse and stormed out of the club.
Vince followed and spotted her getting into a cab. Before she could slam the door on him, he jumped in beside her.
He tried desperately to explain, saying the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but Maxine was having none of it. She was screaming at him at the top of her lungs and calling him every
4-letter word in the book.
The cabby turned around and said, "Gee Vince, you picked up a real bitch this time."
VINCE'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY.
=
THREE BLOKES' FUNERALS
An Englishman, a Mexican and an Irishman were carrying out construction work on scaffolding on the 41st floor of a massive skyscraper.
They were just about to eat their lunch, when the Englishman suddenly yelled, "Oh, bugger; I see I've got bloody cheese and pickle again! If I get cheese and pickle for lunch one more time I'll literally jump straight off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and cried, "Arrgh! It's burritos! Every day I have burritos! If I get burritos one more time, I'll jump too."
Paddy the Irishman opened his lunch box and cursed, "Begorra! It's corned beef and cabbage sandwiches again. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time, I'm feckin' jumpin' with ya."
The following day the Englishman opened his lunch, saw that it was still cheese and pickle, then wrote a suicide note and leapt to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw that it was burritos and jumped too.
The Irishman opened his lunch, saw the corned beef and cabbage and jumped as well.
Nobody survived.
At the dead workers' funeral the Englishman's wife wept copiously. "Oh, my dear Kevin," she sobbed; "if I had known how fed up he was of all that cheese and pickle, I'd never, ever have given it to him!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "My poor Pedro, I'd have given him tacos or enchiladas if I'd known! I never realized that he hated burritos so much."
Everybody turned and stared at the Irishmans wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she protested, "He always makes his own lunch."
1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Donald Trump wins the election in America
=
Damn it, a moronic cunt. We're all in deep shit!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
How Man defined intercourse =
"Ride on the wife, cum and snore".
3rd - David Bourke with:
The U.S. model Chrissy Teigen =
Yes, her cunt is delightsome!
Christopher Sturdy with:
On Media:
"Donald Trump is president, you know?!"
=
I woke and soiled my underpants.
I'm not proud :-(
Christopher Sturdy with:
President Elect Donald Trump =
Darn despot, ill-tempered cunt.
Jason Lofts with:
The latest American Music Awards =
Dramatic, as we met a hairless cunt!