Adie Pena with:
The singer Robert Allen Zimmerman a.k.a. Bob Dylan ~
as the born rebel; damn money-making trailblazer.
Ivan Andonov with:
Marcello Mastroianni =
I'll remain at Oscar nom.
Meyran Kraus with:
US comedian Stephen Colbert =
Some decent "Republican" host.
Rosie Perera with:
The country music singer Billy Ray Cyrus =
But lyrics turn me achy, seriously crying.
Meyran Kraus with:
The monster Adolf Hitler =
I'm sent to hell for hatred.
Josiah Winslow with:
The assassination of President Abraham Lincoln =
Confederate shoots a man's brains, in all this pain.
Jason Lofts with:
I'm really saucy, ~
á la Miley Cyrus.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - View with:
Toyota Supra =
A sporty auto.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Mental cases surviving violence enter ~
Vietnam Veterans Counselling Service.
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Warner Brothers cartoon character Yosemite Sam =
Stern miner or cowboy hates a carrot eater's charm!
Ellie Dent with:
'Sunflowers' masterpiece by Vincent Van Gogh =
Can preserve glow of my bunch in vase setting.
Rosie Perera with:
The Fruit and Vegetables Prescription Program =
Sat fat curvier people drop big arms, get thinner.
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Gigantonomiales ~
as in "long time ago".
Tyler Severance with:
Lucky Charms "They're magically delicious" =
O my, this sugary cereal delicacy kill much?
Rosie Perera with:
Don't arrive per ~
Denver Airport.
Jason Lofts with:
Anu Garg's 'The Anagram Times' =
See, a "gargantuan 'gramsmith"!
Ellie Dent with:
The Holocaust deniers =
Oh, these do insult race.
Adie Pena with:
Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers fast food chain =
For rows of highly-addicted fans and obese humans.
Ellie Dent with:
The winter months: December, January and February =
If the day's dreary now, remember that June can burn!
Rosie Perera with:
Genre fiction =
I often cringe.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents =
Charity helps it to tide one over concern of safety
Christopher Sturdy with:
Perseids ~
disperse.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
London's Imperial College =
I compelled learning solo
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Cleopatra's Needle ‡
A stone all precede
Tyler Severance with:
Some farm animals
1. Cattle
2. Pig
3. Sheep
4. Goat
5. Horse=
1. A meat motif
2. Hams
3. Sheets
4. Caprine
5. Go gallopers!
Tony Crafter with:
Michelin Guide Restaurants =
Star cuisine. Light menu. Dear!
nedesto with:
The famous Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, France. =
The Seine framed fond architectural panoramas.
Rosie Perera with:
The velociraptor =
Oh, cavort, reptile!
David Bourke with:
The area of 'The Promised Land' =
Israel hoped for the mandate.
Meyran Kraus with:
Light dawning on Venice =
Enchanting view in gold.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Top Five Spielberg Films:
1. Jaws
2. E.T.
3. Jurassic Park
4. Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark
5. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
=
1. Killer shark
2. Kid in pajamas serves alien
3. Jeep in dinosaur setting
4. Thefts afflict hero's job
5. Person directs crowd to UFO
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Disney Princesses:
1. Snow White
2. Cinderella
3. Aurora
4. Ariel
5. Belle
6. Jasmine
7. Pocahontas
8. Mulan
9. Tiana
10. Rapunzel
11. Merida
=
1. Jealous enemy
2. Orphan
3. I sleep up in tower
4. Mermaid
5. Beast craze
6. Sultan's child
7. Indian
8. Asian
9. New Orleans
10. Real hair
11. Celt
3rd - nedesto with:
This boy's a grocery bagger at an old supermarket. One day the store installs a neat new machine which juices oranges.
=
Eyeing it, he asks, "Wow, can I help run that machine too?"
"Sorry, lad, no deal," The store manager says. "Baggers can't be juicers."
Tyler Severance with:
The American fast food Burger Chains
McDonald's
Burger King
Wendy's
=
Hungry for the fries and slobber, I am sick now (gag), rectum can add ends.
Rosie Perera with:
International Principles on the Application of Human Rights to Communication Surveillance
=
Government spies on men in illicit plan.
China? Iran? No, U.S.!
Fair approach? No!
I call them to cut it out!
Jason Lofts with:
Thomas Edward (abbreviated T.E. - Ed.) Lawrence's rather huge book "Seven Pillars of Wisdom" (a Penguin Modern Classics edition)
=
How brave disingenuous Christian Arabist T.E. massed forces, rode camels into war, won, debated, helped king develop realm...
Jason Lofts with:
A disgraced ex-PM of Italy Berlusconi's unforgiving fury over one more Italian court verdict =
Ran real life story: Courage! Imprison our condescending lover boy tax fraud fugitive "victim"!
Tyler Severance with:
Global warming
Military upheavals in the third world
Actors elected to public office
=
Earth heating cycle.
A Call to arms brought wartime peril.
Politics do evil bid flow fund.
Julian Lofts with:
Judge served up divorce to Nigella Lawson in seventy seconds =
"Conclude: jowled advertising envoy strangles envied spouse"
David Bourke with:
The White House's former intern Monica Camille Lewinsky =
Mr Clinton came in her mouth with a weekly relief session.
Jason Lofts with:
Like these five great social networking and technology neologisms?
Tyler Severance with:
To the man buried in stone, no known name to recall the fit glory at ~
the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington National Cemetery
Tyler Severance with:
Walt Disney's animated motion picture The Lion King Two Simba's Pride =
Wild cats merged; O relish nitwits opinionated Timone, stinky Pumbaa.
Josiah Winslow with:
Kidnapper Ariel Castro's home demolished, he is still facing life plus a thousand years in prison=
He kept three girls for a decade in his place. So sad! Our painful loss, it has inspired many millions.
Tony Crafter with:
THE 'DIGIARTY' LIST OF THE BEST ACADEMY AWARD WINNING FILMS
5. Slumdog Millionaire
4. Life Of Pi
3. Jaws
2. Forrest Gump
1. Titanic
=
5. Rags-to-riches in India
4. Felt illuminating wisdom!
3. It's a Great White? Damn... swim fast!
2. Jolly popular yet dim
1. Iceberg? F*** off!
Josiah Winslow with:
One-third of American white girls use tanning beds, dramatically increasing cancer risks =
Nice girls, if recent research said melanoma is sinister and tragic, why go in and turn black?
Christopher Sturdy with:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
=
Now grand high W Gates, who owned Windows, did a bad thing and wrote the rest!
Ellie Dent with:
Was Jesus a woman??
He tried to get a message across to men who didn't get it.
He fed a crowd, even when there was no food available.
=
Even when Jesus was dead, He had to rise, given
there was more to do: aware of men, dogs, cats all at home
waiting... 'cos want to be fed.
Adie Pena with:
The Three Greatest Songs Of All Time*
1. Like a Rolling Stone
2. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
3. Imagine
=
1. A fine folkie theme
2. The Rolling Stones, a great stage act
3. Artistic Lennon's intimate solo gig.
Dharam Khalsa with:
What do Instagram, Facebook and Twitter have in common? =
A habit of damning attacks, whenever, to draw commotion.
Tyler Severance with:
What does Private Bradley "Chelsea" Manning and Major Nidal Hasan have in common? =
Army maniacs placed and sharing a joint in Leavenworth. Ashamed man love bond eh.
Julian Lofts with:
Nigerian boy flies to Lagos from home town hiding in airplane wheel cavity=
Stowaway moron fleeing on airline Boeing flight is alive and hypothermic
Julian Lofts with:
Georgia veteran plans to leave retirement community after being told he can't fly two flags=
Marine vet patriot angry over wee flag obstacle - legally contesting Fifth Amendment route.
Julian Lofts with:
Singapore"s Scoot Latest Airline to Offer Child-Free Flying Zone =
"I feel frenzied Catholic priests or felons are not going to fly SA
Meyran Kraus with:
The 5 Best Female Performers In Opera History
1. Maria Callas
2. Joan Sutherland
3. Marilyn Horne
4. Leontyne Price
5. Astrid Varnay
=
5 Sort-Of-Horrid Female Entertainers That Have Major Pop Careers:
1. Madonna
2. Rihanna
3. Lily Allen
4. Britney Spears
5. Miley Cyrus
Tyler Severance with:
President Obama to seek congressional approval for Syria strike =
Reason to rack in troops to finally break oppressive Assad regime.
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
=
Get answerS;
Enlist benefiT.
Need a gurU?
I identify the steP --
Use his alibI:
Scientist minD!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein =
"Intelligence is a finite item but stupidness, er... isn't? Yes indeed!"
"Er...what's a 'finite'?" (G. BUSH)
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein =
True brains shine at finite light speeds, imbeciles' get used in infinite untested ways
Mark Huffman with:
What intelligence there is - any tinge - it's deep but satisfied; dumbness sure is infinite.
Adie Pena with:
I can see it in the United States, i.e., get infinite mindless failures by President G. W. Bush!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Fine minds eye glass ceiling 'n' use their head but see nitwits burst it at infinite speed!
Jason Lofts with:
He's insane, if super-intelligent - he defined 'e is mc...'. But instead I see twits try abusing it!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Bitter scientist: "Denseness is infinite; life's wheel may turn, but the Guinea pig is dead."
Julian Lofts with:
"I fancied Marilyn (petite ingenue). I was insistent but she resisted. The disbelief stung."
Josiah Winslow with:
I see we can't see all things, but I see, if bad genes return, the mind's stupidity is infinite.
Larry Brash with:
Then it must be President G.W. Bush! I can see it is definitely a genuine disaster in itself.
nedesto with:
I see nuts tweet, defending her tenets, but I'd guess Sarah Palin's imbecility is infinite.
Tyler Severance with:
E? MC? I See! The nth degree pursuits bites infinitely and its awaited beliefs is stunning.
Dharam Khalsa with:
See, my dense friend there is inept, as intelligent as cut bait, but wise in fishing duties.
Julian Lofts with:
I intuit if it's futile, the wise men desist, i.e. Neanderthals can be President, by guessing
Dharam Khalsa with:
Wise bit indeed, but it's a fine line. Thus, I suspect enlightenment fits inside grey areas.
Tyler Severance with:
Genuine mindless teens use this Twitter adding asinine, peculiar fib bits they see fit.
Larry Brash with:
I suspect Twitter's designed as a teen's fun identity. I see time-filling inane rubbish, eh?
Dharam Khalsa with:
Yes, I insult GW Bush again. Ineptitude is infinite, seen in debts after his elected terms.
Tyler Severance with:
I publish subsisting tweets that fiercely intensified an issue deemed entertaining.
Tyler Severance with:
I despise Twitter yet it mends insensible teen friends hashtaging beautiful cuisine.
View with:
I need guides; I find I get these: brainless, witless, asinine, unfit, inept, etc., but hey...smart!
View with:
I need smart guides but, hey, I find I get these: brainless, witless, asinine, unfit, inept, etc.!
Ellie Dent with:
Scientist, being wise, used ingenuity: established the smart:inept differential in use.
Christopher Sturdy with:
I pity misguided faithfulness gene seen in twits. Atheists are intense but incredible.
Christopher Sturdy with:
We identify bitterness against his institute. A smile here belies deep cuts in funding!
Meyran Kraus with:
It seems true, if there's a single Sistine Chapel but infinite nudity in danged websites!
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Here is the last question for LAPD cadets:
"Eccentric computer mogul Jeff Briggs sat at the head of the table in his manor. To his right were his 5 sons, all with party hats in different colors (red, blue, green, yellow and pink), different drinks (vodka, soda, ale, tea and martini), and each seated opposite a stuffed pet (dog, fox, mole, hen and sheep).
Suddenly, the room went dark. A moment later, a shot rang out.
When Jeff's old butler turned the lights on, he was shocked. Jeff was dead, shot in his back. His sons were standing, their drinks spilled and their hats in a pile on the floor... next to a smoking gun.
When the cops arrived, the butler said he saw, in the faint moonlight, some man in a red hat tossing the gun to the floor. The sons, however, could only remember a few facts:
- Hans hated foxes. He loved ale, but tasted the hot drink next to him by mistake; - Noah sat between Al and Ron, then tasted the vodka of a son whose hat wasn't green; His drink and the pet in front of him shared a first letter. - Ron said the son to his left, who wore a blue hat, sat in front of a hen, and someone in a yellow hat sat in front of a sheep; - Joe loved tea. The son next to him wore a pink hat and sat closest to their dad; - Al, who hated martinis, sat in front of a dog.
Can you figure out who the murderer is?"
=
Now, many tend to untangle this nonsense by entering the random data into a table:
Son
Drink
Pet
Seat
J o e
N o a h
R o n
A l
H a n s
V o d k a
S o d a
A l e
T e a
M a r t i n i
D o g
F o x
M o l e
H e n
S h e e p
F i r s t
S e c o n d
T h i r d
F o u r t h
F i f t h
H a t
Yellow
Blue
Red
Green
Pink
S e a t
First
Second
Third
Fourth
Fifth
P e t
Dog
Fox
Mole
Hen
Sheep
D r i n k
Vodka
Soda
Ale
Tea
Martini
Then, some deductive reasoning can help. For example, if a "*" character means a hit and a "\" means a miss, and we know that Hans drank ale, we draw "*" in the related square and "\" in the other ones in that row or column. Here's a finished grid, with Al as the answer:
Son
Drink
Pet
Seat
J o e
N o a h
R o n
A l
H a n s
V o d k a
S o d a
A l e
T e a
M a r t i n i
D o g
F o x
M o l e
H e n
S h e e p
F i r s t
S e c o n d
T h i r d
F o u r t h
F i f t h
H a t
Yellow
\
*
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
\
*
\
Blue
*
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
*
\
\
\
Red
\
\
\
*
\
*
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
*
Green
\
\
*
\
\
\
\
\
\
*
\
*
\
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
Pink
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
*
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
*
\
\
\
\
S e a t
First
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
*
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
Second
*
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
\
\
*
\
Third
\
\
*
\
\
\
\
\
\
*
\
*
\
\
\
Fourth
\
*
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
*
Fifth
\
\
\
*
\
*
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
\
\
P e t
Dog
\
\
\
*
\
*
\
\
\
\
Fox
\
\
*
\
\
\
\
\
\
*
Mole
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
*
\
\
Hen
*
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
*
\
Sheep
\
*
\
\
\
\
*
\
\
\
D r i n k
Vodka
\
\
\
*
\
Soda
\
*
\
\
\
Ale
\
\
\
\
*
Tea
*
\
\
\
\
Martini
\
\
*
\
\
A few, on the other hand, did none of that and instead noted that: A. It's impossible to spot colors in the moonlight; B. The 5 sons were sitting when the lights went out somehow, and C. Father Jeff was shot from behind right after that, though his sons sat to his right. So the answer would be the butler. Those few tend to do well as detectives later on.
Of course, a lot of these may just be lucky guesses. It's always the butler.
2nd - Mark Huffman with:
The most famous DC super heroes in the Justice League of America
1) Superman
2) Batman
3) Wonder Woman
4) Shazam!
5) Flash
6) Green Lantern
7) Aquaman
8) Martian Manhunter
=
1) "Me, human? Umm...no."
2) Most tech, fabulous manse
3) Amazon warrior, "queen mama"
4) Just a lad, enhanced
5) A fast runner
6) Power ring ace
7) Atlantis regent *ahem*
8) Shapeshifter
Eq 3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Top Ten Beatles Songs of All Time*
10. While My Guitar Gently Weeps
9. Come Together
8. Let It Be
7. Hey Jude
6. Something
5. In My Life
4. Yesterday
3. Strawberry Fields Forever
2. I Want to Hold Your Hand
1. A Day in the Life
=
10. Memorably George
9. Witty LSD ditty
8. I'd believe that title.
7. Feel it!
6. Another melody of George
5. John writes beautiful gem
4. Paul's sweet
3. Lennon's fine feat
2. Their early heyday
1. Ends with symphony orchestra.
Eq3rd - nedesto with:
A police officer arrives upon an evidently terrible rush-hour crash; driver and passenger were both dead. As he looks upon the massively brutal carnage a little monkey labors out unhurt; it hops near the car.
Somberly, he looks at the monkey and says, "If only you could talk, you adorable rascal." The monkey looks up at the officer and bobs his head up and down.
"You really understand me?" asks the officer. Again, the monkey bobs his head at the officer.
"Did you see it all?"
"Yes," motions the monkey.
"What's happened?"
The monkey pretends to have a can and turns it up beside his mouth. "They'd been drinking?" asks the officer.
"Yes."
"Right. What else?"
The monkey pinches his fingers together and holds them near his mouth. "Damn! Smoking marijuana?"
"Yes."
"Right. What else?"
The little monkey motions, "Screwing."
"Dear Lord! Screwing, too?" mutters the astounded officer.
"Yes."
"Let's see... they were drinking, smoking and screwing before they crashed?"
"Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motions the monkey.
=
Mickey O'Reilly walks into a bar when he is obviously very drunk and staggers up to the bar. Then he seats himself unsteadily on a stool and he orders a drink.
The bartender says to Mickey, "Seems you have had plenty enough to drink, but I can happily phone you a ride if you want me to."
Mickey softly scoffs. He climbs off the stool, and then uneasily staggers out. Just a few minutes later, he stumbles in the side door. He staggers up and he orders a drink.
The bartender comes over, again refusing service to Mickey, again offering to call a ride. Mickey eyes the bartender angrily for a moment and he shows himself out the side door.
Then a few minutes later, Mickey drunkenly staggers in through the back door. He then plops himself up on a stool, and he orders a drink.
The bartender reminds Mickey that he is entirely drunk so he won't get served. He then warns that he could phone the police instead.
Mickey looks at him and cries in hopeless anguish, "How many bloody bars do you work at anyhow?!"
Jason Lofts with:
How to aid women.
Names of six or seven pharmacologically proved
or crazy aphrodisiac food items and substances:
"
1. Asparagus
2. Ginseng, i.e. "man root"
3. Yohimbe
4. Rhino horn
5. Fresh oysters in their shell
6. Durian fruit " disgusting!
7. Chocolate (a Magnum ice cream on a stick)
=
1. Near phallic shape
2. I'm agog as my gonads go on, on, on ...
3. Vicious West African herbal Viagra " too much is toxic!
4. Greek men used mythical powder
5. Mysterious Aphrodite"s born " hold zinc in high doses
6. "Carrion in custard" " horrors!
7. Fantastic! It enamours men of easy females.
Dharam Khalsa with:
An ex-Mafia boss lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was too hard. His only son Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. Hence, the old man sent a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I'm feeling pretty sad because it has occurred to me that I won"t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I"m just getting too old to be digging up a garden. If you were home my troubles would be over. I know you'd be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
A couple days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Papa,
Don"t dig up that garden. That"s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
~
At two o'clock the next day, several FBI agents and police arrived at the man's property to investigate. Spreading out on foot in the unmown weedy field, the authorities busily pulled out the twisted brambles and briars in the area, and dug through heavily packed dirt, while onlookers viewed them from across the road. In weary dismay, they stopped without uncovering a single body down in the field. The main boss, a beer-bellied cop, muttered apologies for wrongly judging the old man.
That same afternoon the man opened another message written by his absent jailed son:
Dear Papa,
Go ahead, plant your tomatoes now. I did the best I could under the circumstances.
Love,
Vinnie
Tony Crafter with:
THE SEVEN HUSBANDS OF ELIZABETH TAYLOR
1. Conrad "Nicky" Hilton
2. Michael Wilding
3. Michael "Mike" Todd
4. Eddie Fisher
5. Richard Burton
5. Richard Burton
6. John Warner
7. Larry Fortensky
=
1. Rich hotel heir
2. Actor and kind man, by jove!
3. High flyer - killed in air crash.
4. Debbie Reynolds' former husband
5. Crazy union
5. - ditto! -
6. Shrewd Senator
7. Chronic drunk half-wit. Met late
Jason Lofts with:
Auschwitz-Birkenau, Bergen-Belsen, Dachau, Mauthausen, Sobibor, Treblinka, Warsaw are all former extermination, concentration and/or labor camps, most freed by the Allies in the Second World War
=
Brazen beery backward extreme National Socialist Holocaust deniers wear blinkers, blab, claim error/fun ("Arbeit macht frei"). No, wrong! US plea: "No! A most horrid, hated scene! Must ban and outlaw!" WHEN?
=
A similar sick list of putrid sexual sores
1. Pox
2. Clap
3. Buboes
4. Immunodeficiency virus - AIDS is Anally Inserted Death Sentence (gays/homos)
5. Genital warts
6. HSV
7. NGU - epididymitis
8. Pthirus pubis is ectoparasite
9. Trichomonas vaginalis
10. Granuloma inguinale
11. A liver disease
12. Molluscum ("warts")
13. Sarcoptes scabiei
14. Thrush
Tyler Severance with:
There's a man who leads a life of danger
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger
with every move he makes another chance he takes
odds are he won't live to see tomorrow
=
Secretive
Evasive
Charmer oh
Risk
Eased? No Way
Target
Alone? Yes
Gentleman
Evaded threats
Nameless who
Tense off work
Mooty Sweetheart
Armed Hero
Neat eh? ho ho ho
Ellie Dent with:
THE RULES: According to men.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it is up, just put it down, quietly.
We don't complain whenever you leave it down.
Sunday sports. It is much like the full moon, or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And we're never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help finding the solution. That is what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlie chums are for.
A headache that lasts more than seven weeks is an issue. See the doctor.
Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments
become null and void after a week.
If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one way makes you unhappy
or angry, we meant the other one.
You can either ask us to do something, or say how you want it done. Not, however, both.=
Whenever possible, say what you have to during the irritating ad breaks.
Christopher Columbus didn't need directions. And neither do we.
ALL men see are limited colors. 'Peach' is a fruit type, not a color. We have no idea what 'Flame' is.
If we ask what's wrong and you immediately say 'nothing,' we'll act as if you mean it. We do know
you're lying, but it's not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
If we go out any time, *anything* you wear is fine.
Don't ask what we're thinking, unless you're willing to discuss major baseball players, the shotgun
formation, my top monster truck, etc.
You have too many pairs of boots. I spot eighteen!
You have ample enough clothes.
I'm fit, in top shape. Alright, mine is round.
Thank you for reading this.
I know, I've got to sleep on the shabby couch tonight. But the fact is, we men don't mind that. It's
merely like camping.
Jason Lofts with:
'DIGIARTY' LIST OF "ALL TIME" TOP TEN SELECTION OF BEST ACADEMY AWARDS MOVIES (places six to ten):
6. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
7. Finding Nemo
8. Saving Private Ryan
9. Avatar
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
=
6. Deep, decadent 'n' moving martial art opus by Ang Lee
7. Three-D fish avatar (no tatty animated sex, sigh!)
8. Stop! Not for cowards
9. Enticing sci-fi rave
10. Tolkien novel trilogy: Heroic insurgents fighting for Middle Earth.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Old Father Norton of the 2nd Congregational Church woke up Sunday morning, and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful early spring day, decided that he just had to go out and play a round of golf. So, he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling ill, and persuaded him to cover for him that day.
Just as soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed about 40 miles out of town to the golf course. This way, he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone who knew him from his parish.
Setting up on the first tee, he noticed that he was all alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everybody else was already sitting in church.
~
At the same time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord, looking down from Heaven at the green, and exclaimed, "You can't allow any pastor to engage in a falsehood to skip saying a church Mass!?"
The Lord assured him, "No way, of course not!"
Just then, a confident Father Norton hit the ball with focused accuracy. It flew swiftly through the air straight toward the flag, dropping just short of it, rolled up, and fell into the hole. A fantasy for anyone! A winning 420-yard hole-in-one!!
The Lord was astounded, "A classic shot, a beauty!"
Saint Peter was amazed, but confused. He asked, "I am curious, why did you let that happen?"
The Lord smiled, "How is he going to tell anyone?"
Tyler Severance with:
> The Most Famous Marvel Super Heroes
> 1) Captain America
> 2) Spiderman
> 3) Wolverine
> 4) Iron Man
> 5) Thor
> 6) The Incredible Hulk
> 7) The Punisher
> =
> 1) Super Soldier eh
> 2) Heroic Peter, Publish it!
> 3) Metal Claws eh
> 4) Per Innovation of Naive Stark
> 5) Norse Hammer
> 6) Mad Human
> 7) Crime Hunter.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Nobby Stiles, Roger Hunt, Gordon Banks, Jackie Charlton, George Cohen, Ray Wilson, Martin Peters, Geoff Hurst, Bobby Moore, Alan Ball, and Bobby Charlton.
=
Noble former England heroes beat Germany in probably the best football in our history.
No backchat; just rely on hard work scoring goals.
Bang on, BBC!
Dharam Khalsa with:
WHY WE SHOUT IN ANGER
The Hindu saint, while visiting the holy river Ganges to take a bath, found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at one another. He turned to his disciples, smiled and asked them, "Why do people shout in anger at each other?"
The disciples pondered for a moment, then one of them replied, "Because when we lose our calm, we yell."
"But, why should you yell when the other person is that close to you?" asked the saint. "You can very well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner."
The disciples gave some other answers, but none satisfied the saint or the other disciples.
Finally, the saint explained, "When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other, to cover that distance...
~
What happens when two people fall in love? They do not shout loudly at each other, but talk softly, because their hearts are so close. The distance between them is a hairsbreadth, or maybe nonexistent."
The insightful saint said, "When they love each other even more, what happens? They might murmur in a whisper, and they get even closer to each other, secure in their absolute infinite love. At last, they need not even speak in a hushed murmur or whisper; they only look at each other lovingly. That shows how close people get when they love each other."
The wise saint looked at the assemblage of his disciples and tenderly admonished, "I say, if you engage in a healthy argument, do not let your hearts be distant. Do not say harsh or ungracious words to distance each other further, or there will come a time when the distance is too great to find the path to return again."
Jason Lofts with:
How to aid (wo)men.
Names of six or seven pharmacologically proved
or crazy aphrodisiac food items and substances:
1. Asparagus
2. Ginseng, i.e. "man root"
3. Yohimbe
4. Rhino horn
5. Fresh oysters in their shell
6. Durian fruit " disgusting!
7. Chocolate (a Magnum ice cream on a stick)
=
1. Near phallic shape
2. I'm agog as my gonads go on, on, on ...
3. Vicious West African herbal Viagra " too much is toxic!
4. Greek men used mythical powder
5. Mysterious Aphrodite"s born " hold zinc in high doses
6. "Carrion in custard" " horrors!
7. Fantastic! It enamours men of easy females.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
[For the 1 year anniversary of Neil Armstrong's death, the poem Sonnet to the Moon is anagrammed into a sonnet that celebrates Neil in 3 different ways, detailed below:]
Sonnet to the Moon, Sir Philip Sidney
With how sad steps, O Moon, thou climb'st the skies,
How silently, and with how wan a face!
What may it be, that even in heavenly place
That busy Archer his sharp arrows tries?
Sure, if that long with love acquainted eyes
Can judge of love, thou feel'st a lover's case;
I read it in thy looks, thy languished grace
To me that feel the like thy state descries.
Then, even of fellowship, O Moon! tell me,
Is constant love deemed there but want of wit?
Are beauties there as proud as here they be?
Do they above love to be loved, and yet
Those lovers scorn whom that love doth possess?
Do they call virtue there ungratefulness?
=
[Much like my tribute to Steve Jobs a couple of years back, this sonnet contains an acrostic (Neil A. Armstrong) and his famous quote ("That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind") - which itself draws the outline of a full moon, as displayed in this animated image:]
The Sweetest Pilot Who Touched The Heavens
No, Heaven's truest board of awesome worth
Evaluating deeds should not have fretted;
It never will receive a soul from Earth
Less worthy than the easy catch they've netted:
A wholesome knight that's still beloved today
And vowed to pay mankind one welcome service,
Respected truly for his small-town ways
More than this 'leap and step' on stony surface,
Shall join these giants, for he chose to be
The first of this one-in-a-billion crew.
Relieve this healthy Man of Piety,
Obey these ceaseless calls to let him through:
No birth upon this sphere - above it, too -
Gave us a buddy that was quite like you.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
SYRIA: A POEM FOR HER by Amin Astewani
Standing by my window
I gaze out beyond
And see gleaming tarmac
And pavements and cars
Standing by her window
She gazes out beyond
And sees blood stained rubble
And bodies and shards
I open the door
And inhale the breeze
I step onto the tarmac
In solitude and peace
She opens the door
And inhales the smoke
She steps over the bodies
In terror, no hope
I lower my head
In sadness and shame
How can I smile
When she feels such pain?
So I drop to my knees
And look to the sky
And pray for that girl
And cry, just cry..
=
POISONED: A CHAINED AND DOWNTRODDEN NATION
Late in the evening hour...
Embraced by sleep.
Atropine in your head,
Dreams had been deep.
Echoes in my room,
Razors in a cell,
Blasts in the dark,
A sojourn to Hell.
Satan's ascendancy
He haunted by banned gas.
Attaches to their skin.
Reasons must pass --
Hades wondered why.
A harsh wind as we awoke...
Filtered in his wormwood,
Envisioned to choke.
Zapping my energy,
A shortness of breath.
Lost by the dozens;
Anonymity in death.
Shuttered inside me,
Slipping from my grasp --
A doomed baby beside
Does one last gasp.
3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
+You, Search, Images, Maps, Play, YouTube, News, Gmail, Drive, Calendar, More
Sign in:
Advertising Programs, Business Solutions, Privacy & Terms, +Google, About Google
Propagation Gig, Cheap Work Boost, Evasion & Grounds, +Google, Regarding Us
Dharam Khalsa with:
A Woman's Lesson
by Nancy Wood
A woman's lesson is a simple lesson:
Whatever life asks, answer with love.
A woman's lesson is a wise lesson:
Whenever conflict threatens, go forth in harmony.
A woman's lesson is an enduring lesson:
Whatever is taken from you, give back in generosity.
A woman's lesson is a gradual lesson:
Whenever there is a storm, remain a calm center.
A woman's lesson is a courageous lesson:
Whenever there is despair, sow the seed of hope.
A woman's lesson is a practical lesson:
Wherever there is dryness, go and get the rain.
=
A Man's Lesson
A man's lesson is a significant lesson:
Whatever a woman wants, most happily provide it.
A man's lesson is a behavior lesson:
Whenever she is depressed, offer her foot massages.
A man's lesson is a kowtowing lesson:
Whenever the woman scowls, get her a trinket.
A man's lesson is an attitude lesson:
Whenever she is critical, correct your own ego.
A man's lesson is a reality lesson:
Whenever your woman is careworn, acknowledge her.
A man's lesson is a lifelong lesson:
Wherever your woman shows a need, encourage her...stay in bed!
Tony Crafter with:
An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being cool, smart and funny, while making a point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
On January 13th, a crowded flight was cancelled after the airline's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A lone female attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced people.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way through to the desk. He slammed his ticket down on the counter and shouted, "Look, I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".
The airline attendant replied, "I am sorry, sir. I shall be happy to help you, but I have to help these people first; although I am sure we'll be able to work something out."
The haughty passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that all the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"
Without hesitation, the attendant smiled and reached for her public address microphone:
"May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice clearly audible throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him to find his identity, would you please come to Desk 14. Thank you."
With all the folk behind him in the queue laughing hysterically, the man glared at the woman, gritted his teeth and hissed, "F... you!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said:
"I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."
=
Vic was playing, partnerless, on the front nine of a very complicated golf course and became confused as to what hole he was at.
Looking around, he saw a lady playing in front of him. Walking up to her, he said, "Forgive me; I've got rather confused - do you know what number hole I'm playing?"
She replied, "Well, I"m on the 7th and you're a hole behind me, so you've got to be on the 6th."
Vic thanked her and went back to playing.
On the back nine the very same thing happened and he approached her once more with the same request. She said, "I"m on the 14th, and you're still a hole behind me, so you've got to be on the 13th."
Once more, he thanked her and went back to playing.
After finishing the round, Vic went into the club house and saw the lady golfer sitting at the end of the bar, so he asked the bartender if he knew her. The bartender said she was a saleslady who played the course often.
Vic approached her and said, "I insist on buying you a drink to show my appreciation for your assistance earlier. I understand that you're in sales... well, I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"
"If I told you, you'd laugh," she grinned in reply.
"No I wouldn"t," he bantered, and persisted in asking her what she sold.
"Well if you must know," she blushed, "I sell tampons."
With that, Vic fell to the floor, laughing so hard that he almost wept.
"See I said you'd laugh," she lamented, regretting telling him.
"I'm sorry; that's not what I'm laughing at," he said; "It's just that I"m a toilet paper salesman, so... I"m still a hole behind you!"
Jason Lofts with:
SAILING by Rod Stewart - the lyrics/words "
I am sailing, I am sailing,
Home again cross the sea.
I am sailing, stormy waters,
To be near you, to be free.
"
I am flying, I am flying,
Like a bird cross the sky.
I am flying, passing high clouds,
To be with you, to be free.
"
Can you hear me, can you hear me
Thro the dark night, far away,
I am dying, forever trying,
To be with you, who can say.
"
We are sailing, we are sailing,
Home again cross the sea.
We are sailing stormy waters,
To be near you, to be free.
"
Oh lord, to be near you, to be free.
Oh lord, to be near you, to be free,
Oh lord.
"
=
"
AILING(obvious ABBA hit) "
Ay, Ma's ailing, ay, Ma's ailing,
Cystitis - reason she doesn't wee.
Ma's bile is grey, her water bloody,
O, to urinate, to wee freely...
"
Ma's trying, Ma's trying,
Breaking into a big cold sweat.
Ay, Ma's trying but passing out,
O, to urinate, to wee freely...
"
Doc, heal her, can you heal her
Or say you know the way.
Ay, Ma's crying, almost dying,
O, to urinate, o, say how...
"
She is failing, she is failing,
Horrid fright (sob!) that'd be!
We are waiting - bladder's breaking,
O, urinate, free her wee...
"
O, chloroform her, o Ma, be free.
O, chloroform her, see Ma free,
O, mercy...
Tony Crafter with:
MATCHSTALK MEN AND MATCHSTALK CATS AND DOGS
By
Brian and Michael
He painted Salford's smokey tops
On cardboard boxes from the shops
And parts of Ancoats where I used to play
I'm sure he once walked down our street
Cause he painted kids who had nowt on their feet
The clothes we wore had all seen better days.
Now they said his works of art were dull
No room, all round the walls are full
But Lowry didn't care much anyway
They said he just paints cats and dogs
And matchstalk men in boots and clogs
And Lowry said that's just the way they'll stay
And he painted matchstalk men and matchstalk cats and dogs
He painted kids on the corner of the street with their sparking clogs
Now he takes his brush and he waits outside them factory gates
To paint his matchstalk men and matchstalk cats and dogs
Now canvas and brushes were wearing thin
When London started calling him
To come on down and wear the old flat cap
They said tell us all about your ways
And all about them Salford days
Is it true you're just an ordinary chap?
And he painted matchstalk men and matchstalk cats and dogs
He painted kids on the corner of the street with their sparking clogs
Now he takes his brush and he waits outside them factory gates
To paint his matchstalk men and matchstalk cats and dogs
Now Lowries hang upon the wall
Beside the greatest of them all
And even the Mona Lisa takes a bow
This tired old man with hair like snow
Told northern folk its time to go
The fever came and the good Lord mopped his brow
And he left us matchstalk men and matchstalk cats and dogs
He left us kids on the corner of the street with sparking clogs
Now he takes his brush and he waits outside them pearly gates
To paint his matchstalk men and matchstalk cats and dogs
=
THE SURREAL WORLD OF MR SALVADOR DALI
To commemorate that most potty of art's enfants terribles.
He painted strange, distorted themes
That most folk only see in dreams,
His odd imagination just ran wild,
Eccentric, non-conformal too,
He portrayed scenes that just couldn't be true,
And he had a rather bold, flamboyant style.
Most folk tut-tutted, "That poor bloke's mad,
His work's so dotty it must be bad,"
But Dali didn't care what most folk said,
They'd mock that odd, upturned moustache
And snort: "that crackpot has no class;"
He'd just retort, "I show what's in my head."
And he painted elephants with tall, kinky matchstick legs,
Contorted landscapes and a crouching man whose head's an egg,
And melting watches, a dark-red sky, a naked lady with stout thighs
And a topless woman with a loaf upon her head!
This former draftsman then became
Obsessed with cash, obsessed with fame,
But, nonetheless, his genius was real,
He was a mock-Renaissance cross
'twixt Van Eyck, Tintoretto, Bosch,
And he played a fool, but his art had mass appeal.
And he painted elephants with tall, kinky matchstick legs,
Contorted landscapes and a crouching man whose head's an egg,
And melting watches and stark-red skies, a naked lady with stout thighs
And a topless woman with a loaf upon her head!
Is he blessed in Heaven or damned in Hell?
What world he's in, I know full well,
It's not as strange as the world that filled his head.
A scary crackpot? Maybe so,
And arrogant clown, that's true, we know
Yet his memory lingers on, now that he's dead
And he left us elephants with tall, kinky matchstick legs,
Contorted landscapes and that crouching man whose head's an egg,
And melting watches, a storm-dark sky, a naked lady with stout thighs
And that topless woman with a loaf stuck on her head!
Christopher Sturdy with:
There is no Frigate like a Book
To take us Lands away
Nor any Coursers like a Page
Of prancing Poetry--
This Traverse may the poorest take
Without oppress of Toll--
How frugal is the Chariot
That bears the Human soul.
Emily Dickinson
=
They say to read helps you to think
And travel makes you smart.
Both transport us, promise things -
They are like works of art
All can appreciate or hate, I feel
No teaching helps us know.
I use libraries as an office
To work I ought to go.
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
The arse =
Her seat.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"Alison? She's been round the track a few times." =
"I sense this woman's been fucked rather a lot!"
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The pornographic motion picture industry =
My prior producer got a hot 'penis-in-cunt' hit!
Meyran Kraus with:
The professional escort =
Poor snatch, it feels sore!
Tyler Severance with:
A cunt aims ~
a cum stain.
Jason Lofts with:
Parents: Please stop masturbating on our towels! =
Plea to son: Wet spermal stains on toga perturb us!
Tyler Severance with:
A warm cunt inured ones ~
cum stain on underwear.
Rick Rothstein with:
The most unpleasant experiences? ~
Men extol, "An erect penis up the ass!"
Julian Lofts with:
The most unpleasant experiences? =
The pox, rectal pus, intense enemas.
Tyler Severance with:
Come with me baby, be mine tonight =
Which meant meeting my boob, I bet.
Dean Mayer with:
Shoved a hot finger up =
I have found her G-spot
Christopher Sturdy with:
Sage and onion stuffing=
Gags on a stiff innuendo
nedesto with:
A nude model ~
unloaded me.
nedesto with:
Tut, milady! Not feeling so fresh or clean "up there" yet?
=
Then try our latest line of female hygiene products!
