MARCH 2010 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2010

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

Eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Michelangelo's art in the Sistine Chapel =
Masterpiece shall shine on that ceiling!

Eq1st - Scott Gardner with:
George A. Romero's "Night of the Living Dead" =
Good God, there's a real frightening movie!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Charles Darwin's 'On the Origin of Species' ~
showed certain life-progression chains.

Adie Pena with:
"The Oscar goes to..." =
O, the actors' egos!

View with:
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland =
Enslaved in unascertained world.

Adie Pena with:
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences =
Do attend, Cameron. Sci-fi epic may net us the Oscar!

Scott Gardner with:
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland =
A nice lass traveled in, down, under

Adie Pena with:
'American Idol' (Season Nine) =
One-dimensional canaries!

Meyran Kraus with:
The murals in the Sistine Chapel =
These pictures in the main halls.

David Bourke with:
The Country and Western singer Dolly Rebecca Parton =
Staring tersely, we concentrate only on her DD-cup bra!

Dharam Khalsa with:
American Classic "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee =
Black "bird" is choice man in rape trial's legal mockery.

Tom Myers with:
English author Charles Lutwidge Dodgson =
Lewis Carroll -- odd sage, unhinged thoughts.

Christopher Sturdy with:
How much is that doggie in the window? =
How I want him, dog within. God, he's cute!

Rosie Perera with:
"Ideas Worth Spreading" =
Wording is a TED phrase.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Bill Gates is no longer the world's richest man =
The Carlos Slim billions negate nerd's growth.

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
The suicide bombers in Moscow =
Women subscribe to homicides.

Eq3rd - Tom Myers with:
The Holy See, Pope Benedict XVI =
Pedophiles, they've been toxic.

Eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Paedophiliac priests =
Pope: "It is a child's rape!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
Jay Leno returns to the "Tonight Show" ~
to start without long "H-e-e-r-e's Johnny!"

Christopher Sturdy with:
Legal tender =
Let Elgar end.

Adie Pena with:
Google to digitise ancient Italian books =
OK! It's a big one 'cos I got Galileo, Dante in it!

Adie Pena with:
Earth Hour, Eight-Thirty P.M., Twenty-Seven of March =
Furthermore, why not that same pitch every night?

Nikola Zivanovic with:
The coalition agreement =
An election aim, together.

View with:
British pair faces jail time in Dubai over kiss =
Demure Arabs jail if kissin' is prohibitive act

David Bourke with:
Beckham to miss the World Cup =
A cold member, stuck with Posh!

Meyran Kraus with:
President Obama's fight for his health care plan =
He helps North America rip this last bandage off.

David Bourke with:
Catholic priests abusing children =
Cursed archbishop sitting in a cell.

Tony Crafter with:
The British Airways cabin crew have gone on strike =
Their hare-brain wish being to wreck vacations? Yes.

View with:
Volcano erupts in Iceland, hundreds evacuated =
Hot lava rupture - second sudden lava incidence.

David Bourke with:
Ian Huntley's throat is slashed by a fellow inmate =
What all in Soham then say: ""Definitely a result! S.O.B.!"

Adie Pena with:
Moon's Water Comes in Three Flavors, Scientists Say =
My favorite ones: Mint, Carrots, Swiss Cheese. (No salt?)

Scott Gardner with:
Medical insurance =
Cure? Send in a claim!

Rick Rothstein with:
Americans include ~
medical insurance.

Dharam Khalsa with:
After Health Vote, Threats on Democrats =
Haste to control the adverse aftermath!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Coloured Easter eggs =
Select a gorgeous red.

Rosie Perera with:
Did yoga for ~
Good Friday.

Rosie Perera with:
Happy Resurrection Sunday =
He'd risen up; a country prays.

Dharam with:
Spring is in the air ~
is the ring in Paris.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
The U.S. film director Kathryn Bigelow =
"The Hurt Locker" wins big time for lady!

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
President Roosevelt of the USA =
The result of a Depression vote.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Mary Shelley's Victor Frankenstein =
"I invent scary, freaky hell-monsters!"

View with:
President Akio Toyoda =
Toyota in dark episode.

David Bourke with:
Michael Anthony Ashcroft =
Tory cash machine? Not half!

Dharam Khalsa with:
King Hor-Aha of the First Egyptian Dynasty =
Fights tyranny in Asia for the key god Ptah.

Adie Pena with:
The fashion designer Oscar de la Renta =
Oh, his elegant coat and fine rare dress!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The House Speaker Nancy Pelosi =
"Please" or "Thank you" in speeches.

Tony Crafter with:
Hint: He runs a fancy harem of pert young blondes =
Playboy's 'ancient' founder, Hugh Marston Hefner.

Ellie Dent with:
The 'Alice in Wonderland' author, Lewis Carroll =
Oh, I'll write: create chaos... all in an underworld!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The journalist Roger Boyes =
Rarely got serious job, then!

Tony Crafter with:
Roger Boyes =
Gooseberry!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
A very drunk man stumbling out of a bar, bumps into a priest. "I am Jesus Christ!" he declares. "No, son, you are not", says the priest. =
"But I'll prove it", says the drunk, "in my pub." So the pair enter, to fearsome sounds: a barman screams, "Jesus Christ, not YOU again!"

2nd - Adie Pena with:
THE WORLD'S FIVE DEADLIEST SNAKES*
1. Fierce
2. King Brown
3. Papuan Taipan
4. Mainland Tiger
5. Eastern Tiger =
PICKING PEOPLE SEEN AS WORST EVER, GUARANTEED:
1. Stalin
2. A. Hitler
3. Idi Amin
4. Dr. Frankenstein
5. A daft G. W. B.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Washington man electrocuted by urinating on power line =
Democrat wanting to pee, encountering a burn on his willy.

David Bourke with:
Gay couples now able to marry in religious premises after the House of Lords revokes ban =
Grooms pose seriously for embrace, bin the flowers,and are vigorously taken up the aisle!

Scott Gardner with:
Arthur Conan Doyle's "The Adventure of the Musgrave Ritual" =
Holmes can hunt out a hidden vault for very great treasure!

Tony Crafter with:
"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans." (John Lennon) =
"Um... no, John. Hell in NY, by one lone freak with a gun, is what happens to you." (Press)

David Bourke with:
The Royal Navy fearing problems as women are set
to be allowed to serve in submarines for the first time =
A battery of rather important British maritime vessels
goes down below...every one's near-full of seamen.

Adie Pena with:
The star of "Mission: Impossible" Peter Graves dies at eighty-three =
I do have memories of his gritty "Agent Phelps" series. It rates best!

Adie Pena with:
The US Masters Tournament, Augusta National Golf Club, Georgia =
A return of a long-absent Tiger to a usual gig means much to a... slut.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Reality has but one shape; hope is many-shaped." J. W. von Goethe =
Very deep, Johann! Also gets happy Obamas in the White House

Dharam Khalsa with:
Inspirational quote: "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" =
So I inhale giant quantities of bolognese on spaghetti strands!

Adie Pena with:
Stanley Kubrick's "Two Thousand and One: A Space Odyssey" =
Synopsis: A baddy HAL succeeds to take us now on any trek.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Stephen Byers, Patricia Hewitt and Geoff Hoon suspended from Labour party =
The MP's for hire won a lobbyist's payout, offend us and get in rather deep crap.

Adie Pena with:
As in all her interviews, a charlatan shall speak on anything =
"Sarah Palin's Alaska" reality TV show in The Learning Channel.

Meyran Kraus with:
Super Pick Up Lines

- I lost my number. Can I have yours?
- You look like my future wife.
- Did we go to different schools together?

=

Foul Pick Up Lines

- Could I show you the inside of my trunk?
- FOSTER ME!
- I bet we'll have pretty gorgeous kids.
- Your face or mine?

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A guy was having a drink in the bar of the departures lounge at a busy airport, when a beautiful young woman walked in and sat on a chair near to his.

Because she was in uniform, he thought that she was possibly an off-duty flight hostess so he decided to have a crack at picking her up by identifying the airline she worked for, hoping this might just impress her.

He looked across to her and recited the Delta Airlines slogan, "We love to fly and it shows."

The woman just looked at him curiously.

He sat back to reconsider, then he leaned forward again and delivered the Air France slogan: "Winning the hearts of the world."

Again she just stared at him with a rather puzzled look on her face.

Still undeterred, he had another go, this time quoting the Malaysian Airlines slogan: "Going beyond expectations."

The woman looked at him harshly and replied, "Huh? Just what the f**k are you talking about?"

"Ah!" he said, with a knowing smile on his face."Ryan Air."

=

A burglar broke into an apartment one night. As he was shining his flashlight around, checking for the usual valuables, a voice in the dark said, "Jesus knows you're here."

Nearly leaping out of his skin, he clicked his flashlight off and froze, waiting in anticipation. When he heard nothing, he shook his head then continued.

As he started to grab the digital TV, he again heard it, clear as a bell... "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shone the light around frantically, seeking the owner of that odd voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot gazing at him. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the bird.

"Yes, I did," the parrot squawked, "I was just trying to warn you that he's watching you."

The man relaxed. "Warn me? And who on earth are you, anyway?"

"Moses," answered the bird.

"Moses?" laughed the burglar in disdain. "What kind of sick people would name a parrot Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

2nd - Adie Pena with:
RECIPE FOR PEACE

1 Statement of Open Honesty
1 Prayer of Serenity
5 1/4 Cups Kindheartedness
1 Yesterday's Sincere Love
1 Reverence
1 Tsp. Restraint
1 Atonement
A Dash of Terrorist-Free Hope
1 1/3 Cups Reforestation
0 Threats to Nature
0 Disease

Stir. Refrigerate. Eat.

=

RECIPE FOR DISASTER

1 President
1 Vice-President
1 Speaker of the House
1 President Pro Tempore of the Senate
1 Secretary of State
1 Secretary of the Treasury
1 Secretary of Defense
1 Attorney General
100 Senators
435 Representatives

...to run this American nation.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A priest driving to an appointment after church on a New York road is stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on the man's breath, and then easily sees his discarded wine bottle on the car floor.

The trooper demands, "Sir, what have you been drinking?"

"Just water," he murmurs.

The keen cop asks him, "Aha! Then, why do I smell wine?"

Assessing the bottle, the priest cries, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

=

Stopping over into a bar, Mike addresses Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a strong one! I just had another fight with the little woman."

"Not again!" Charlie replies, opening a frosty bottle. "And how did this one end?"

Mike reports, "When it was over, she came to me properly on her hands and knees."

Charles notes, "That's progress! So, what did she say?"

"She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you spineless little chicken!'"

Adie Pena with:
Bernie Made Off With My Money

Adie Pena with:
THE TOP TEN GEEK ANTHEMS OF ALL TIME [by Doug Gross]
1. "She Blinded Me With Science," Thomas Dolby
2. "Dare to Be Stupid," Weird Al Yankovic
3. "Nerdcore Rising," M.C. Frontalot
4. "In the Garage," Weezer
5. "Through Being Cool," Devo
6. "Code Monkey," Jonathan Coulton
7. "Particle Man," They Might Be Giants
8. "Add It Up," Violent Femmes
9. "One Week," Barenaked Ladies
10. "Weird Science," Oingo Boingo

=

HEREWITH, THE ODD TOP TEN ON ANAGRAMMY
1. Cool, incontinent Tony Crafter
2. Canny gem-jotting Meyran Kraus
3. Googling imbecile Pena of Gobbledegook, Inc.
4. Astute behemoth A. Brehaut
5. Good wife Dharam Khalsa, enlightened newcomer
6. Solid, deep Scott
7. Divine Ms. Rosie P.
8. Keen edgewise Chris Sturdy
9. Sensible Ellie Dent
10. Wild "gotta-have-booze" comic David Bourke.

View with:
Siobhan Magnus
Casey James
Michael Lynche
Didi Benami
Tim Urban
Andrew Garcia
Katie Stevens
Lee Dewyze
Crystal Bowersox
Aaron Kelly
=
'American Idol' season nine mad saga:
Ten singers (black, white, chubby, weedy mix) warble like crazy, jealously try to smash and receive 'A NAME'!

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
[My first attempt at an anagrammatic puzzle. Solve the clues to fill in the numbered answers, then transfer the letters to the appropriate spaces in the grid. The result will be an appropriate quote followed by the name of the author. The clues, answers, and quote are all anagrams of one another.]

1. I fancy Tom Cruise

2. A dunce

3. Emulates Palin

4. Renters

5. Handled

6. Sang "Hit Me Baby"

7. Might K.O.?

=

=

The Solution

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Snake

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Alone - Edgar Allan Poe

Tony Crafter with:
Rasputin

Dharam Khalsa with:
I Hear America Singing

Adie Pena with:
Waters of March

Dharam Khalsa with:
A Busy Day in Heaven

Three men died and stood in line for a meeting with St. Peter to get into Heaven. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The man replied: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, and so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. Just as I came into my twenty-fifth floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, twenty-five floors above the ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got my hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell--but even after twenty-five stories, he fell into bushes, stunned but okay! I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the refrigerator, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all that extra stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died right there on the balcony." ~

Benevolent St. Peter agreed, "Ah, son, that sounds like a noteworthy rotten day to me!"

The second man came up and St. Peter again noted that Heaven was totally overflowing and asked for his story.

He admitted, "It's been a very strange day! You see, I live on the twenty-seventh floor of an apartment building. Every morning I habitually exercise out on the balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell forward over the edge. But then I was lucky and my left hand caught the railing of the balcony on the twenty-fifth floor below. I knew I couldn't hold on for very long, when suddenly a man burst out onto the balcony. Hurrah! I thought I was saved, when he started deliberately beating and kicking me for no reason! But I held on the best I could as he left and went into the apartment, manifested a hammer, and started pounding on me! Finally my hand gave way and I just had to let go. I got lucky again, landing barefooted in the bayberry foliage, my collarbone hurting. But while I thought I would get to the hospital and be all right, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and flattens me instantly! That's why I'm here."

Once again, sympathetic St. Peter warmly conceded that it was a very noteworthy death and let him in.

The third man followed and St. Peter asked for his story.

"Picture this," the third man started, "I'm hiding nude inside a refrigerator..."

Dharam Khalsa with:
A Thing of Beauty is a Joy Forever

The Anagrammy Awards

MARCH 2010 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY