NOVEMBER 2009 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2009

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Rembrandt's 'The Anatomy Lesson of Dr Nicolaes Tulp'. =
A lot of minor students enthralled by a man's corpse!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
E. C. Segar's Popeye the Sailor Man =
Seagoer employs spinach-eater.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Popeye the Sailor Man =
My hero (also, neat pipe).

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Going Rogue: An American Life" by Sarah Palin =
An insular being, I fail Geography on camera.

Adie Pena with:
"Going Rogue: An American Life" by Sarah Palin =
Regular anemic biography of an asinine gal.

Adie Pena with:
"Going Rogue: An American Life" by Sarah Palin =
An imaginary saga of one Republican girl, eh?

Tom Myers with:
"Going Rogue: An American Life" by Sarah Palin =
I'm a biography of an insane nuclear-age girl.

Rosie Perera with:
Leonardo da Vinci's masterpiece =
I've recorded aspect in Mona Lisa.

View with:
Peter Sellers as Inspecteur Clouseau ~
releases true, lunatic, useless copper.

Scott Gardner with:
"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" =
The belle was so truly sad Romeo was an enemy

Adie Pena with:
'Sesame Street' celebrated its 40th Anniversary =
Televise Ernie, Bert and the smart cast's 40 years!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Cartoonist R. Crumb illustrates "The Book of Genesis" =
Breasts, arms, butt cheeks - is religion out of control?

Rosie Perera with:
The magician's "disappearing" act ~
is cramped in a tight space again.

Adie Pena with:
Poverty, hardship, obscene abuse -- plus hope! -- in ~
"Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' By Sapphire."

Adie Pena with:
"The Twilight Saga: New Moon" =
With that awesome longing.

Ellie Dent with:
Monet: 'The Water Lily Pond' (Le Bassin aux Nympheas) =
All sense now that painter mixed a blue symphony.

Meyran Kraus with:
Self-portraits by Claude Monet =
Subtly reflect a painter's mood.

David Bourke with:
Manchester United versus Besiktas =
The active Turks mean business, "Reds"!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Veterans Day, Eleventh of November =
Note men have often bravely served.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
An Army psychiatrist =
Maniac sprays thirty.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Annual celebration of Thanksgiving Day =
Featuring a balloon advancing in the sky!

Adie Pena with:
Foreign Secretary David Miliband as EU president ~
is preferred 'cause men divided against Tony Blair.

View with:
Gordon Brown backing Tony Blair for EU president =
Known Brit's good for Europe and can bring liberty

View with:
Israel urges Palestinians to restart peace talks =
Partners! Let's speak out strategies, air alliances.

Richard Napier with:
Kai Rooney's Birth =
Or a Shrek Boy in it?

Dharam Khalsa with:
The convicted Cleveland rapist Anthony Sowell =
Local cop yells down, "Tenth cadaver is in the vent!"

David Bourke with:
The Lisbon Treaty has been ratified at last =
Beliefs then shared by totalitarian state.

arid ace with:
Oil wars forever =
Evil, sorrow, fear.

Adie Pena with:
The psychiatrist Nidal Malik Hasan: ~
"Ah, it's that insane! I'd kill Army chaps!"

Rosie Perera with:
The thirteen victims of the Fort Hood massacre =
Mere fact is: rotten doc shot them over his faith.

Dharam Khalsa with:
We pursued less today, as it was 'Friday the Thirteenth" =
And I heard yesterday was the twelfth. Superstitious?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Thanksgiving Day festivities =
Visiting kin digest heavy fats.

Meyran Kraus with:
The ex-governor Sarah Louise Palin =
Shall gain overexposure on the air.

Rosie Perera with:
Argentina's "Dirty War" =
Dying, tears, I warrant.

Tony Crafter with:
Dr Brooke Magnanti was prostitute Belle de Jour =
Tired blog-journal writer speaks out to be named.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Black Friday sale =
Killed by a fracas!

View with:
The Israel-Hamas prisoner swap deal near: officials =
O, Palestinians release him for a few sharp radicals!

Adie Pena with:
Thanksgiving Day in the United States of America =
The gang visit at Dad's to finish a nice turkey. Amen.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
(Old friends, sat side by side):
"My wife said, 'What are you doing today, Gus?'
"I said, 'Nothin'.' =
"So my wife said, 'Dear God! But you also did nothing yesterday!'
"I said, 'I wasn't finished'."

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." =
First line of Austen opus--Woman augured that Darcy is soon going to fall in love with, and take as wife, Miss Bennet.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A smartly dressed man walks into a bar holding an alligator. He goes up to the bartender saying, "Do you serve lawyers here?" =
The bartender says, "Yes sir, sure we do, sir."
"Oh, good man. So get us a long drink then, a tap beer... and my alligator'll have a lawyer.

David Bourke with:
Neil Ramsay completed the quiz "What breed of dog are you?" with the result Basset Hound =
Crazy questions, huh? Nutter! He did a turd...at heel! Somebody please get him bowl of water!

Adie Pena with:
ÒNOVEMBER, n. The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.Ó (Ambrose Bierce) =
Before we note warmth's serene benefit, men have to brave chills.

David A. Green with:
Baron Richard von Krafft-Ebing's 'Psychopathia Sexualis' =
Shrink: I ably chart brains of a group of sex-deviant chaps

Adie Pena with:
Tomb of the Unknowns at the Arlington Military Cemetery =
Obit: I gently knelt at the monument for worthy Americans.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet." Romeo and Juliet=
Smelly red inanimate objects are worthless, wilt to autumn yellow,
when a woman has a headache!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"The falling leaves, drift by my window;
The autumn leaves, of red and gold"=
Lodged, made my valley festive,
but foreshadow fall and winter hunting.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"The falling leaves, drift by my window;
The autumn leaves, of red and gold"
=
That slim wavering leaf's a lovely gift;
But, do we need many hundredfold?

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington National Cemetery =
Noting the anonymous that fell in combat knew no retreat.

Rosie Perera with:
VP Candidate Sarah Palin's book, "Going Rogue: An American Life" =
Boring tales of an Alaskan mega-airhead icon. Dig pin-up cover!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Depressed woman loses benefits over Facebook photos =
Aha! Web snoopers observed posted smiles, took offence.

Adie Pena with:
Michael Jackson's rhinestone-encrusted glove is auctioned =
One named article -- a nice souvenir -- SOLD! So, just sign the check!

View with:
"Iran launches war games to protect nuclear sites =
Ow, Tehran screens strategic uranium places a lot!"

Adie Pena with:
The New York International Independent Film and Video Festival =
And the fine and lovely winners did entertain patient moviefolk.

K. Smiles Mascarenhas with:
'It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife' =
" Austen makes new-found wife a good administrator. New point hasn't for Angelic agility to slothful abusiveness."

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Eighteenth World Puzzle Championship in Antalya, Turkey =

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Eighteenth World Puzzle Championship in Antalya, Turkey =
Our dazzling hit entertainment which keeps you all happy.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Eighteenth World Puzzle Championship in Antalya, Turkey =
Hint: Charming yet zany people plan their Sudoku with zeal!

Rosie Perera with:
They think Zoran the poet will include zippy anagram hues.

Larry Brash with:
Think up one puny little play which amazed the organizers.

Larry Brash with:
Hey, Zoran, truly amazing skill.The Cup... he happened to win it.

Tom Myers with:
Hunt up a hip, keen, hypothetical, or dazzling timely answer.

Dharam Khalsa with:
I dump the apathy with Zen-like purity on Zoran's challenge

Meyran Kraus with:
Oh, a Z's within the Challenge? Kindly put up a monetary prize! ;)

Adie Pena with:
Last clue... THREE-DOWN: "PEPPERY"... Muzzy thinking?... Aha, I nail "HOT"!

Adrian Hickford with:
Round one - 'HAZE': The happy, genial Mick Tully wins that prize!

Adrian Hickford with:
Happily, the authentic, top-hole, dazzling winner: Mey Kraus!

View with:
They pick man to unearth who is the leader in puzzling play

Rosie Perera with:
A word geek, I play Cipher Hunt in the snazzy platinum hotel.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The New York puzzler had a humiliating phonetics penalty.

Dharam Khalsa with:
You play in there, and then pick up the Will Shortz magazine.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Open with hourly cypher: "It's a Puzzlement!" a la 'The King and I'.

Rosie Perera with:
The champion letter whizzes think up a rude play on "laying."

Adie Pena with:
As the happy men, in a tizzy, work uphill on the neat clue grid.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Deathly German whizzes outthink planet in epic play hour

Adie Pena with:
A German dazzles to pick up the trophy, yellin': "Huh? I win?! Neat!"

Ellie Dent with:
People tantalizing us: think a crazy humor helped... they win!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Oh, in truth, pizza 'n' ale power typical, unhealthy geek minds!

Adie Pena with:
Ugh! A dozen nutty pale rapt men with schizophrenia likely.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The German puzzler typically won - in ink! Oh, he has aptitude!

Meyran Kraus with:
Unlock enigma with a zeal, then hold up a pretty shiny prize!

Dharam Khalsa with:
We may thank Zoran lightly; he supplied no authentic prize!

Wayne Baisley with:
happened upon hero with a snazzy little naughty limerick.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
THE IRISH PROSTITUTE

An Irish daughter had not been home for well over a year. On her return, her Father scolded her. 'Well Colleen? Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even one line? And why didn't ye call? Can't ye understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff...Dad...I became a... Miami prostitute...'

'What!!?' he bellowed. 'Get out of here, ye shameless sinning harlot! You're a disgrace to this good old Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this highly expensive fur coat, and these deeds to a ten-bedroom mansion, plus an eight-million-dollar savings certificate. Also, I've got me little brother Ian this gold Rolex. And for you Daddy, I got the sparkling new Porsche limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the Queens Country Club... (takes a quick breath)... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board me yacht in St Tropez and...'

'Now what was it ye said that ye had become?' said the dad.

Girl, crying again, 'Sniff, sniff...a prostitute, father.'

'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a big hug.'

=

CHARLES AND CAMILLA'S WEDDING NIGHT.

Camilla had bought a new pair of shoes for her wedding day, but they got increasingly tighter as the day wore on.

That night after the festivities were finished, and she and Charles had retired back to their room, Camilla flopped onto the bed and said, 'Would you please remove my shoes darling. One's feet are just killing one.'

Ever obedient, the Prince of Wales seized her right shoe and started to attack it with vigour but, despite his efforts, it just wouldn't budge.

'Harder!' yelled Camilla. 'Harder!'

Charles yelled back, 'Yes, my darling, I'm trying! But, you see, it's so bloody tight!'

'Come on give it your all!' she cried out, even louder.

When it was finally off, Charles uttered a loud groan, and Camilla exclaimed, 'Yes! Yes! That feels so good.'

In their bedroom next door, The Queen turned to Prince Philip and said stiffly, 'You see - I told you she must be a virgin, with a face like that!'

Meantime, back in the other bedroom, a perspiring Charles was trying to remove the other shoe when he cried out 'Oh my god, this one's an even tighter fit!'

At that point, Prince Philip turned to the Queen and said, 'That's my boy: Once a navy man, always a navy man!'

View with:
"A true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother drudge for his living at seventy, sooner than work at anything but his art."
=
I understand that real, stiff actor, designer or authorities worker, will not shift this 'real' glamor, his high wishes. Everything but not to be a navvy!?

Larry Brash with:
A woman shall not wear man's clothing, nor shall a man put on woman's clothing; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God.

=

God's wrath will soon damn moron trannies to Hell. Somehow, He's the only "normal" one who can savour a charming long outfit, a boa, tights and panties.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE, I LEARNED FROM NOAH'S ARK.
1. Don't miss the boat.
2. Remember that we are all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
4. Stay fit. When you're six hundred years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
5. Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
6. Build your future on high ground.
7. For safety sake, travel in pairs.
8. Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
9. When you're stressed, float a while.
10. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
=
THE TEN CATEGORIES FOR A FULL HOUSE IN ANAGRAMMY.
1. GENERAL: Whatever strikes you.
2. ENTERTAINMENT: Books? Too snobbish. Why not the latest Indiana Jones movie?
3. TOPICAL: What?! Bush?! Blair?! It's been done before!
4. PEOPLES NAMES: Kurdish head who?
5. OTHER NAMES: Austrian tributary? Hawaii inhabitants? NOT!
6. MEDIUM: Substantial stuff aren't awarded.
7. LONG: A joke about blondes or the Irish wows me every time.
8. SPECIAL: The tried and tested song-to-song. (Yawn.)
9. CHALLENGE: We await the skilled, brainy and gifted.
10. RUDE: Lurid sex for the horny bastards. They're lonely that's why they're at the Forum, okay? ;-)

3rd - Larry Brash with:
A young girl walked into a big pet shop and says: "Could I have a little wabbit, pwease, sir?"
The attendant thinks to himself: "Well, oh my, you're so cute!"
=
"I suppose you'd like to discuss the sale and get a white female wabbit or a large brown one?"
"Well, I don't think that my python actually gives a shit!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
To be, or not to be, that is the Queftion

Ellie Dent with:
It's A Jungle Out There!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The young boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was eventually approached by a man who asked, "Sonny, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The small boy nodded, "Yeah. Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right on Vine."
~
The gregarious man praised the bright boy and humbly offered, "Pardon me, I'm the pastor's new teacher assistant. Come to our joyous weekly Sunday School. Watch...I'll show you how to get to Heaven!"

The alert boy sarcastically refused, "Nothing doing! You don't even know the way to the Post Office!!"

Rosie Perera with:
"Americans would elect a ham sandwich for president if it would promise them jobs and a higher income." (Ron Bonjean, GOP strategist)
=
O! So concerned, worried Republicans might just go elect the worshiped woman Sarah Palin, jettisoning the disaffirmed man Obama?

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Vincent

eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A woman brought her very limp-looking pet duck Jojo into her local veterinary surgery. As she placed her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened very carefully to the bird's chest.

After a minute or two, the veterinary surgeon shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your duck has passed away."

The distraught woman wailed, "Oh, no, not my poor Jojo! How sure are you?"

"How sure am I? I am very sure. The duck is definitely dead," replied the vet.

"Ah, but how can you be so certain?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He may just be snoozing or in a deep coma or something."

The surgeon rolled his eyes as he turned and left the room.

He came back a few minutes later with a brown Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with very gloomy eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a ginger cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to webbed-feet. Then the cat sat back on his haunches, shook his head, meowed and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and sighed, "Well, I am sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a deceased duck."

He went to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he gave to the woman.

The bird's owner, still in shock, looked at the bill. "Good heavens! $1500.00?" she gasped, "$1500.00 just to tell me my poor Jojo has died?"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry.If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have only been $50.00, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500.00."

=

A man was walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking hooker caught his eye.

He struck up a conversation and eventually asked, 'How much do you charge?'

The hooker replied, 'It starts at $500 for a hand-job.'

'$500 dollars?!' spluttered the man. 'Hell, no hand-job's worth that kind of money!'

The hooker said, 'Do you see that Denny's on the corner?'

'Yes.'

'Do you see that Denny's a block further down?'

'Yes.'

'And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?'

'Yes.'

'Well,' added the hooker, smiling, 'I own them. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500.'

The man said, 'What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try.'

They retired to a motel.

A short time later, slumped on the bed, the man admitted that he'd just had the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every cent of $500. He was so amazed, he said, 'I suppose a blow-job's $1,000?'

The hooker replied, '$1,500.'

'That's daft! I'd never pay that for a blow-job.'

The hooker murmured, 'Step over to the window, buddy.'

'See that casino across the street? I own it outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500.'

The man, still basking in the memory of that terrific hand-job, decided to put off the tempting new car for a further year, and said, 'Ok, dammit, I'm up for it!'

Ten minutes later, he sat on the bed more amazed than before. He could scarcely believe it but, he concurred that he'd truly got his money's worth.

He decided to dip into the retirement savings for just one more unforgettable experience. He asked the hooker, 'How much for some pussy?'

The hooker replied, 'Come over here, there's something I want you to see.

'D'you see Las Vegas laid out before us? All those vivid lights, splendid gambling palaces, and lustrous show places?'

'Dammit!' the man said, in awe, 'You own the whole goddamn city?'

No,' the hooker replied, 'but I would if I had a pussy.'

eq2nd - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
World Puzzlers Championship PUZZLE

1	1		2	2			3	4	3
3	2	4	3	4	1		2	5	1

4	4	1	1	5	3		3	6	1
3	2	5	5	2	4		6	2	5	4

7		2	8	5	1	3	6
5	1	3	4	2				9	4	7	5
6	4							2	6	1	3

1. Someone who is dazzlingly skilled in any field, 2. A person of no refinement; barbarian, 3. Famous soccer club from Rome, 4. Compartment in an automobile that carries luggage or shopping or tools, 5. Short underpants for women or children (usually used in the plural), 6. A notch or open space between two merlons in a crenelated battlement, 7. The name of American model, actress and singer Tisdale, 8. A period of time when something (as a machine or factory) is functioning and available for use, 9. A fictional character from the Hellraiser series; also a term for an ignorant or foolish person
Use the definitions to fill up all nine pieces with letters, in the order of given numbers. After that, set all the pieces on the diagram 6x8. Puzzle pieces may be rotated, but not reflected, and pieces with same colour may not touch each other, not even diagonally. If you do all correctly, as a solution you will get the name of the recent international competition for puzzlers.

As a help, on the diagram are letters of Will Shortz, the founder of international competition from the solution.

W

L

Z

H

O

S

I

L

T

R

The Solution (opens in a new window/tab)

Adie Pena with:
Leaves

Adie Pena with:
Nothing Gold Can Stay

Dharam Khalsa with:
Music

The Anagrammy Awards

NOVEMBER 2009 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY