Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2000
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Wearing a toupee =
I tape a wee rug on.
2nd - Linda Garrett with:
Love and Marriage =
Real men do Viagra.
eq.3rd - Jaybur with:
Tabloid press =
A topless bird.
eq.3rd - Graham Perkins with:
Existentialism =
I exist, am silent.
Larry Brash with:
Fried plaice and chips =
Pilchard-in-aspic feed.
Daniel F. Etter with:
President-elect =
Preselected nit.
Alec Gallagher with:
Cash machines =
Shh! A nice scam.
Richard Grantham with:
Algebra =
A garble.
Richard Grantham with:
A crossed line =
Ericsson deal.
Jaybur with:
Rude category =
Yo! crude: great!
Jaybur with:
Landscape gardener =
Lad can spread green.
Jaybur with:
Black Forest gateau =
OK! face sugar battle.
Jaybur with:
One foot in the grave =
Oh, often over-eating.
Jaybur with:
Marriage =
Grim area?
Jaybur with:
Slot machines =
Ha! smelt coins.
Meyran Kraus with:
Authenticator =
The art auction.
Meyran Kraus with:
Young lad =
An old guy.
Meyran Kraus with:
Timetable =
Bet I'm late...
Meyran Kraus with:
Corpulent body =
Portly, bounced.
Meyran Kraus with:
A Motor Vehicle =
O, I'm a Chevrolet!
Tom Myers with:
The Ebola virus =
I have troubles.
Tom Myers with:
I'm sleep deprived =
Live primed - speed!
Tom Myers with:
Towards making a theory of unified fields =
Worried, if this key is a fundamental of God.
Tom Myers with:
Sceptre =
Respect.
Tom Myers with:
You've got a concussion =
Voyage to unconscious.
Ormasyna with:
Vegetarianism =
Starve? Imagine!
Mick Tully with:
Wine hangover =
Owner heaving.
Mick Tully with:
Repondez s'il vous plait =
Lied! Parlez-vous in post.
Mick Tully with:
Fried plaice and chips =
A deep lard fish picnic?
Mick Tully with:
Black Forest gateaux =
A large tuck-box feast.
Mick Tully with:
Telephone calls =
"Hello, can't sleep?"
Mick Tully with:
Cheap Polish coat, tie. =
Is the Pope a Catholic?
1st - ID Letterman with:
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? =
A wealth ambition; win or lose.
2nd - Graham Perkins with:
Come friends who plough the sea,
Truce to navigation, take another station,
Let's vary piracy, with a little burglary.
=
Hello sailors,
I fancy a valuable art nicking opportunity.
We can roger them twatty daughters too (their tits heave).
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
The Gondoliers =
Do sing the role.
Jaybur with:
The Cider House Rules =
Sure! The cheer is loud!
Meyran Kraus with:
Another World =
Rather old now.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Pope's speech in Israel, grieving for the Holocaust dead =
The perished group? He apologised for the Vatican's silence.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras =
G'day, transgendered? By analysis, a him.
3rd - David Bourke with:
His Holiness Pope John Paul =
Hope in Polish plan, oh Jesus?
Jaybur with:
Shrove Tuesday: Pancake Day =
Yes! Shake a curved pan today!
Jaybur with:
Champion Torums Scarf Michael =
Communicates his charm for Pal.
Jaybur with:
Feast Day of Saint Patrick: March Seventeenth =
Apt event affects Irish: need a natty shamrock.
Tom Myers with:
AMD's new one thousand megahertz chip =
Much red-hot speed shown! Neat! Amazing!
Tom Myers with:
It is the Spring Equinox =
Quite hot! Inspiring sex!
Mick Tully with:
The Ayr By-election =
Cheerily beat Tony.
Mick Tully with:
Ken Livingstone suspended from party =
Tony's government disliked papers' fun.
Mick Tully with:
Ken Livingstone =
Like V-sign, No Ten?
Mick Tully with:
It is the Spring Equinox =
I note this QPR XI genius!
1st - Ormasyna with:
More Britney Spears Pictures =
Erect boner! I spurt my praises!
2nd - Mick Tully with:
Dilatation and curettage =
Agitated an irate old cunt.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Toilet Brush =
Shit-trouble!
Jon Gearhart with:
Group rates =
"Roger us, Pat!"
Jon Gearhart with:
The Kama Sutra =
AKA: "Ah, trust me!"
Janet Muggeridge with:
National pastime =
Am in panties a lot.
Tom Myers with:
S & M is the best, a pleasure =
She sleeps & I masturbate.
Tom Myers with:
Menopause in Men =
Semen? None! Am I up?
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Here's an idea... (81058)
If you think FREE PORN on the net is hard to find, think again...
We've got thousands of FREE XXX pics and FREE VIDEOS waiting for
you!
=
To (81058):
I *think* you pissed off the wrong person.
I won't visit an XXX site even if I had gonorrhea and you had
a cure.
Here's a different ending: Take off!!!
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Want some easy bucks? Without paying, or surfing? You could get
100$ just for a couple hours of work. If interested send me an
email
stimpsy@hotmail.com
=
Like a fat rhino horn up your tidy rectum? Well, pigassfucker,
spam me JUST ONCE MORE - you may soon find out how it feels.
twiggoesinbutt@sadass.com
3rd - Ormasyna with:
You Can Be Your Own Boss =
No way, you obscure snob!
Larry Brash with:
Earn thru your email. Simple EASY =
Aye, neuter spammer hilariously.
Larry Brash with:
GET $40,000 WITH ONLY 6 BUCKS!!! THIS IS NOT A SCAM!!! =
460,000 COOL CUNTS KNEW IT'S A BIG SHITTY SHAM!
Dan Fortier with:
YOU CHOOSE WHAT TO DO WITH THE ADVERTISEMENTS =
TO THAT WE UTTERED: "I'D SHOVE 'EM IN YO' HOT ASS!"
OWCH!
Janet Muggeridge with:
Important Documents Enclosed =
No, m'lud, content's deceit or spam!
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
TRANSYLVANIA (IT) - Two attractive young women have disappeared
while vacationing in the Transylvanian Mountains. Their garments
have been found stained with partially digested blood and bat
and human saliva. This and similar occurrences are causing international
concern. Detective Iulia Popescu of the Transylvanian Police has
concluded that the missing people are now slaves to the infamous
Count Dracula.
Does this news article frighten you?
=
TEL-AVIV, ISRAEL - An unsuspecting (and cute) twenty-year-old opened his mail, only to discover tedious spam (Aaaahhh!) about an undead pervert in a Romanian castle. Tel-Aviv PD has confirmed it's a product of "Cruel net-thieves, biting the world-wide-web's veins, feeding on the innocent and persuading others ('WEALTH! CASH!!!') that electronic harassing is a normal activity that results in an actual financial uprise."
Will this anagram convince you to not annoy me again?
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
"To be honest, the dating scene can be boring; lovers can
be disappointing; and sex less than stimulating. I want a man
who can keep up with my aroused state of mind and hot body.
You gota ckeck this out http://3519290983
I'm convinced that This may be the only way a man that wants me can get next to me."
Im so excited I just want to tell someone ! you will be to
!
http://3519290983
Thank you and have a GREAT Day
=
"The truth? I am one hideous beast. No man wanted to even take a chance dating me. That's why I've got a plan to entice men to go to my xxx-site to join with 99,999,988,553,333,221,100 naked taboo video cum shots (not actually me) and send snapshots containing them. Between my hairy back, ass, armpits, scabby cunt-patch, and generally butt-ugly self, I would send them away into hiding."
A hot tip: poke-a-twot.net
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
$10,000 PER WEEK IN SIX WEEKS!
This is truly a phenomenon in the industry.
You've NEVER seen anything like this before!
THIS IS WORLDWIDE.....63 COUNTRIES IN 12 WEEKS.
Not just some, but many people are earning "5 figures"
per week in six weeks....I assure you this is true.
As a member, you will receive:
* Your own Offshore Private Bank Account:
Includes a debit card with no daily limit (this is awesome).
* Your own private banking software:
Allows you to manage your offshore account anywhere in the world.
* Members only private access "via the web" to the latest
international investment opportunities:
Members get instant access to some incredible offshore investment
which are proven and working. This is truly a "FIRST"
in home business.
* Daily Direct Deposits into your own offshore account
All this and more combined with the most powerful compensation
plan in the world (63 countries in 12 weeks)!
To learn more point your browser to:
http://www.ultranew.com/offshore/
=
Thinking in vain about money, fame, power or women?
Wish no more, since we're sure we can make EVERY ONE OF YOUR FANTASIES
COME TRUE! Join us now, and within ONE MINUTE you will be dripping
with wide stacks of tenners or attractive women - or both! Under
our 'I Sin Now, I Pay Later' plan, we will give you $660,312,135,000
and 21 naked bints per week - FOR LIFE!
So where is the catch? NONE EXISTS!
(for now, that is)
So when you want endless sums of money and all the sex you can
eat simply sign below (in blood), live it up then wait for the
bill (all it costs is your immortal soul, plus those of your kids,
wise ancestors, sisters, in-laws, every pet mutt, cat, fish, mouse,
budgie, hamster, turtle, toad or chimp you've ever owned (even
the cockroaches in your kitchen), the milkman, the postman, every
priest or rabbi in the district, the poor sick young boy across
the street, Pat Robertson, Ernie and Bert. No refunds.).
Lucifer Enterprises, Inc.
www.itiswisetoworshipsatansimageinfire.net/fearhim
Larry Brash with:
I have been receiving a number of mails on simple ideas of how
to make your first MILLION dollars with only twenty-five bucks.
It seems so simple and stupid, yet so effective. This very simple
idea will take you from where you are, to where you want to be.
Don't believe me!
E-mail: chdwin@yahoo.com.sg
Charles
=
"Hello. We don't believe you for a second, kid. I believe
you're a low-life spammer. You idiots are an abomination to Usenet.
Scams, like yours, pollute newsgroups every day. We are becoming
very sick of it. What a shit child, eh? Die, Mommy's boy! Visit
this site:
http://www.fan_of_evil_hellfire.com.fr/semen_enema.html
Larry Brash with:
Di you know that you can actually get paid for reading jokes.
People are allready making 2000 month, and it dosnt cost you anything.
You might as well chck it out at
http://www.myaffiliateprogram.com/u/twhumor/t.asp?id=16450
=
How come our twit spammer can't spell?
The answer why:
he is a typo twat,
a lying auto-cocksucker,
a moron wimp,
a giddy jerk,
an appalling Net dummy,
a fat-gut ugly tooth-fairy,
a hot dildo youth-fucking idiot and........
Total - 126,450,000
Richard Grantham with:
HAVE A BASEMENT? EARN TOP DOLLAR OFF OF SPARE SPACE IN YOUR BASEMENT,
GARAGE, GROWING MEDICINAL, EDIBLE MUSHROOMS, SPROUTS. WE HAVE
ALL THE HELP YOU NEED TO GET STARTED TO CREATING AN EXTRA INCOME
OR CAREER. COME JOIN OUR TEAM OF COOPERATIVE FARMING. MARKET IS
ALREADY ESTABLISHED FOR YOU JUST CONTACT US FOR MORE.
http://community.webtv.net/GREENGENIE/PONYEXPRESSWILD
=
House got a cellar? You can earn extra moolah just renting
prime floorspace out to some nice tattooed men with giant sacks
and big meat cleavers, who just need to permanently bury a tiny
scrap of evidence where it can't be seen (and perhaps lie low
for a bit).
Email us (Beefy Rex severegimletdude@gopsycho.org or me, Mad Steve
garrotte@papasmurf.org) for more information.
Meyran Kraus with:
Before you know about this 'Important Announcement', you must
first read the following 'Editorial Excerpts' from some important
publications in the United States:
NEW YORK TIMES: "In concluding our review of Financial Organizations to effect change in the new millenium, special attention should be called to a California based organization, 'INTERNATIONAL EXCHANGE ALLIANCE'. Members of this organization are amassing hundred of millions of dollars in the currency market using a very LEGAL method which has NEVER been divulged to the general public. While their purpose is not yet known, their presence has most certainly been felt".
NBC NIGHTLY NEWS: "Members of 'International Exchange Alliance', who always keep a low profile, are considered to be some of the wealthiest people in North America".
More excerpts later, but first let us give you this very "IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT":
=
Dear urine-drinkin', manure-smellin', ugly bum-hole, sex-depraved,
fart-fetishist, electronic prostitute, pot-smoker, compulsive
masturbator, zoo-animals-fornicatin', hardly cunning, broomstick-up-my-butt,
sad ol' cunt-fold, massive lard-ass, I-do-this-'cause-I-can't-get-a-life
filthiest person ever born, dimwit, nitwit (even half-wit), father-raped-me
(gee, you too?!) necrophile, internet-lootin', owl-shootin',
goofy ignoramus ill with herpes, lazy-ass, crazy gunner, illegal-alien
from planet Acne, condom-chewin', bile-eatin', meek-men cheatin',
toilet-wee-wee, unlawful loon, irritating wiener, onion and garlic
breath fool, shitty-scam author gone extinct, soft-brain goon,
human laxative, no-feelings and no-heart leech, unnecessary being,
satan-worshiper, cheap-skate, the best example to why we need
an electric chair, enemy of the innocent, foe of the reasonable,
teen-corruptin', toe-nail bitin' spammer:
Begone.
Tom Myers with:
Good MP3 Search Program
There is a good freeware MP3 search application at http://www.webmasterfree.com/trackseek.html.
Searching for MP3's can be frustrating, Trackseek definitely helps.
It has a built-in web interface, so it works just like a normal
web search engine -just a lot better when you're searching for
MP3's.
=
It's a grim trend! I notice since there are now two spam categories, and since the spam the group gets has shrunk, we bring sick spam that we get elsewhere here. Yuck!
Can we try to reason? Ban the bad habit. We anagram spam to cripple, crack, kill it. Cut-off all jerk-job, riffraff, spammer's URLs before or while we repost.
Tom
33:33
1st - Linda Garrett with:
To spell out "Two Mormons came to Bill's door" in logiceeze,
you have to say, "There exists x and there exists y such
that x is a Mormon and y is a Mormon and x is not the same as
y, and there exists z such that z is a door and z belongs to Bill
and x came to z and y came to z, and for all w such that if w
is a Mormon and w came to z then w is the same as x or w is the
same as y". Though even that doesn't take into account whether
or not Bill has more than one door.
=
Let's say that x is a Mormon and that x isn't a Mormon (each
x has a related door, z (and z isn't z)) - then nothing exists...
or everything exists... maybe. There. Obvious. Anyway, that said
- y is a doormat such that z thinks it could be too, unless of
course it doesn't. Now, x came to z, and z came to z, then came
to w which doesn't exist here at all; hence, a Mormon's not the
same as a door - except for the wood - unless the wood's also
a Mormon. Really! Umm... who's Bill again?
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam
And the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day
Home Home on the range
Where the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day
=
Oh show me a land where there's animals grand
And I'm sure to be one happy lad
Where every herd has this laddy allured
When goats start to lick the gonad
Moaned moaned and arranged
One goat to lick me all day-eee
While I'd much prefer a piece o' gal fur
Oh, I do see there's truly no way-eee!
(ho-dee-doh-doh)
3rd - David Bourke with:
Won't
Get Fooled Again
Richard Brodie with:
The Pope delivers a somewhat belated apology on behalf of the
Catholic Church for the dastardly sins of the Inquisition and
for its complicity in the Holocaust.
=
As bold advocate of the "guilty" blasphemers and the
torched heretics, I scoff at this quite hollow opinion shift proclamation;
I say: "Accepted? Oh no! Fry THOU, in Hell!"
Ernesto Guiraldes with:
"I prefer rogues to imbeciles, because they sometimes take
a rest." =
Gee, your taste is impeccable but I foresee some risks there,
mate!
Jaybur with:
Black Forest Gateau: A chocolate sponge with layers of cherries
and cream topped with chocolate icing. =
A large, rich cake; pleases chocoholics. A lot of dreamy choc
'n' fruit beneath iced topping: Wow! Great taste!
Mike Keith with:
FRESH STRAWBERRY CHICKEN
ASPARAGUS OSTRICH
SAUTEED GREANBEAN W SHRIMP
=
CURED PECKERS WITH HABANERAS
HART CORPSE STEW
SUGARY GERMAN FISH BRAINS
Meyran Kraus with:
A bowl of sugar-coated cornflakes and a little milk =
Americans eat low-fat, cold, dull-looking breakfast.
Janet Muggeridge with:
In Australia, during the daily walkabout, HRH Prince Philip gets
a tomato hurled his way. =
A splat on top a royal hat is 'the thin red line'? Laugh did harm?
Why, it augurs a kiwi republic.
Tom Myers with:
"The desire for things is unlimited, so there are two ways
to approach your material life: decrease your wants or increase
your income."
Socrates
=
"Please forget that soul crap here.
Serious career? I'd worry!
I want lots of hard-core money. Raise a serious money account, it is what I need."
T. I. Myers
Mick Tully with:
I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. =
"Defeat boaster Adolf Hitler!" bought Winston ovation.
1st - David Bourke with:
Madonna Louise Ciccone =
One cool dance musician.
2nd - Mick Tully with:
Leni Riefenstahl =
Senile Hitler fan.
3rd - Jaybur with:
Heather Mills and Sir Paul McCartney =
She'll capture a lyric man's heart; mind.
David Bourke with:
Eric Clapton =
Plectra Icon.
David Bourke with:
The Television Presenter Vanessa Feltz =
Size ten? Never! (For she'll eat ten vast pies!)
David Bourke with:
Baroness Margaret Thatcher =
Greatest charm? Arson breath!
David Bourke with:
The Prince Of Wales =
I, who left a Spencer.
David Bourke with:
Frank Williams, Adrian Newey and Patrick Head =
Awkward pain, if they'd killed Mr A. Senna in a car.
Jaybur with:
Actor Michael Caine =
I cheer acclamation!
Meyran Kraus with:
Andy Kaufman =
AKA 'Mad', 'Funny'.
Janet Muggeridge with:
Lamebrain =
Name Blair.
1st - Tom Myers with:
Museum of Modern Art, New York (The MOMA) =
To humour Tom Myers, frame naked women.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Bayerische Motoren Werke =
Yes, newer car, motorbike, eh?
3rd - Graham Perkins with:
Pure Mathematics =
I tame the crap sum.
Johnnie Burning Elk with:
The House of Representatives =
The urine test proves he's a foe.
Meyran Kraus with:
The capital of Taiwan =
What? Taipei can float?!
Mick Tully with:
Bayerische Motoren Werke =
Treacheries? O, bye, workmen...
Mick Tully with:
DuPont Performance Coatings =
American products often pong.
1st - Ormasyna with:
Vegetarianism =
Starve? Imagine!
Serving meat? Ai!!!
Save grain item.
2nd - Daniel F. Etter with:
Make a run for the border =
Hark! Entre made of burro!
Adore heartburn? Fork me!
Oh, run! More bad fart reek!
RE: heartburn food maker.
Make heartburn of order.
Bathroom rerun. Freaked!
Another bum order faker.
3rd - Larry Brash with:
An erection =
No nicer eat.
One certain.
Neater icon.
Nice, ornate.
Onan recite.
Are not nice.
Larry Brash with:
A toilet brush =
I let Brash out.
Shit baler-out.
'bout real shit.
Shit or ablute.
Daniel F. Etter with:
Brainstorming session =
I grin, or sit on ass. Men BS.
Boring stress. Insomnia.
Is mob in transgression.
Assist in boring sermon.
Millie James with:
Popularity contests =
Try-outs place points.
Its top players count.
Jaybur with:
Sudden April showers =
Unshielded sparrows.
So dawn held surprise.
Widespread slosh - run!
Jaybur with:
One foot in the grave =
On to (I forget) Heaven?
Oh, often over-eating.
Fine: or got to Heaven.
Oh no! not grieve fate.
Tom Myers with:
Pinochet flies to freedom =
Creep's fit? No? I fooled them!
Nice step, for I fooled them.
Is perfection, fooled them.
O! Perfect sin, I fooled them!
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Isn't
it awfully nice to have a penis!
2nd - Richard Brodie with:
Psalm
136
3rd - Linda Garrett with:
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous =
Love These Con Steps - Fun Way to Alcoholism.
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives
had become unmanageable. =
We, who love rum, believe that a warm beer each second is good.
(Er... and we all must pee a lot.)
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could
restore us to sanity. =
Trusted another to casually revive us with someone's large beer
(or a teapot, etc...).
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the
care of God as we understood Him. =
Made vintage rum under the house (raw cocaine too) - sold vials
to our weird old "friends" too!
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
=
So far, met Allah, Elvis, a confessed nun, very rare moose (in
drag)...
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being
the exact nature of our wrongs. =
Denied, hung over, that we burnt/set on fire our cat. (...must
go gas the old A.A. man next door too!)
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects
of character. =
We devotedly retch far each day to retrieve free alcohol (seem
strange?).
7. Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings. =
Lost his memory shooting much vodka/rum/beer.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing
to make amends to them all. =
We fight with (also pick on) small, lame, male bartenders and
demand home-made ales a lot!
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except
when to do so would injure them or others. =
Supplied more rum to other poor dejected pest bums (who snorted
it) when we had excess alcohol (i.e. - never).
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong
promptly admitted it. =
We men skull down vintage red wine (ten or twenty a time - don't
try) propped onto a chair.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious
contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge
of His will for us and the power to carry that out. =
We, who try through good, constant hurling, to stay conscious,
out of gutters and to avoid dim pink elephants and cheery rum
fairies, do pray for power to crawl home without drooling.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these
steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice
these principles in all our affairs. =
Having had our last drink (what sarcasm?), we total failed piss
pots are all eager to apply these strictures to incipient (flourishing)
cocaine fetishes.
Cheers,
A.A!
Richard Grantham with:
Musée
des Beaux Arts
Richard Grantham with:
Butchers
Mike Keith with: [A short story which is an anagram of its own title]
THE HUMBLE SENIOR PIPER
AND A DEPRAVED ENGLISH REDHEAD
(Revenge Story)
=
"He played the bagpipes," she moaned,
surrendering the drained revolver.
Meyran Kraus with:
Alanis
Morissette: You oughta know
Meyran Kraus with:
Tori
Amos: Winter